The Memories won't leave me Be

The memories are there, clearly making sure that I will not forget them. I have never felt so alone nor so afraid of what may or may not happen. I clearly need to move on and let go, yet it is easier said than done.

How does one arrive at the point, they allow a specific memory or past event to haunt their dreams, to possess control of all they say or do at any given time? How can any one person, place or thing keep one guessing or wishing for an end to such a horrific event?

Not to be too bold and not to seem like a coward, somethings are better left unsaid or unspoken, with if they are mentioned, may "open old wounds" or "dredge up the past" and it could become more damaging than originally thought.

How does one know when going too far will only make that moment become a relived horror, or a trauma that will cause one to "fall back" into sadness and despair? Even if one was able to relive this moment and not shudder, then the consequences, to say the least would be and could be devastating. And the pain and suffering could be even more traumatic.

As it is with one loss, even suffered by two people, both will surely respond and react differently. No two people will have the view of such, no two people will reply alike, even if asked the same questions by the same person. It is part of the way a person goes on the defense.

Traumatic events, such as the loss of a loved one or a close personal friend, will be responded to in kind differently yet somewhat alike. It does not mean that they are not experiencing grief or sadness the same way, but more so in their own humble way or the best way know how to respond. It is with this noticeable response, that they sometimes are unable to let go or to "put aside" and move on.

This loss is surely seen in the loss of a child, a pet, a family member, or even a loss as great as the falling of the World Trade Center. When the loss is on such grand scale, it is equally felt by one and all, because of the broad spectrum it covered. Some many try to forget or let go, and some may deal with it in their own personal way. The loss was felt equally by one and all, whether someone knew someone who they lost or just at the idea of the loss of human life.

It can be very overwhelming, very traumatic, very saddening, when the loss, is felt in a way, that one never recovers, from the horror and shock, the pain and sadness, the moment that event "sunk in" and the reality of the moment became all too real. It is the moment of awareness, and the moment of dismay that follows the event is presented in our minds that we realize, how catastrophic it truly is and can be.

Sometimes "letting go" or "moving on", will allow us to forget, which we wish to not do, it can be cause for shame or emotional stress/distress, not to mention guilt and/or anguish. Even when the very thing that carry "as a burden" on our shoulders, should not be perceived as such, we still have harder of a time to "let go" and "move on". It is easier said than done.

Until one has experienced such a trauma, such an event that is horrific and shameful, then no one has the right to "judge" anyone one whether they are ready to "let go". The greater the loss, the longer the recovery time will last for, because each person handles loss in different ways and differently as a whole.

Loss of any kind can leave scars on both a physical, emotional, mental level as well as cause suppressed feelings to surface. Sometimes the emotions can also be expressed inappropriately, like laughing uncontrollably at a funeral, even causing "outbursts" that seem wrong at that moment.

What is the best way to let go of that which may be no more than an obstacle or a stumbling block? It is all due to the facts, behind the trauma, the various "pieces" that make up the "whole picture", that may put things "into perspective". Yet the idea that all events or traumas are the same is to say they all will happen the same and have the same ending results. We know very well this not to be true in any sense.

The frame of mind and the mind's response to the trauma, varies in depth and to it's great extent. Sometimes, suddenly we are exposed to a trauma, that previously was never thought to become part of our lives, yet when introduced, it only makes matters worse or possibly "unacceptable" in one's mind. To fool ourselves into believing we can handle "any" situation without ever truly knowing how we would, is to be fully lying to ourselves, for until one has be exposed to it and experienced it, is giving a false sense of hope.

We always want to believe we are capable to get through most anything life "throws" our way, but since there is no guarantees of what may happen today much less tomorrow, we can only vaguely imagine how we would mentally cope with or even emotionally cope with that which may or may not happen.

If one depends on statistics and/or general calculations of certain traumas, just by how they are evaluated, then they are not allowing themselves the thought of possibly being that 1% of 100,000, where the trauma could be worse than or could "change up" entirely. When we decide how we would "handle" or "respond to" a trauma, one can never truly be prepared, fully, completely and honestly prepared.

Sometimes "scare tactics" help, but then result in most feeling paranoid and scared. Seeing trauma in its true form can cause irreparable damage on the mind and endless emotional trauma and/or guilt. Sometimes that which is presented to others can be useful, but it can "introduced" things into one's mind that will scar them for life if not have consequences in the end,

Traumas can be "waking up" of reality, and can surely make one think hard about the reality, but the reality is never pretty and can leave its' mark on those who can become affected by its' lasting impressions.