Appearing to Appear

Excerpts from: Purpose and Intent.

“Friend!” The word slithers towards you like a serpent from the deserts of Armageddon.

I dislike that word, friend, well not the word, as much as the context in which it is used. It implies so much, and offers so little. It is also an overused word, that begs an introduction while offering no security, or vouching for the intentions of the conveyor.

I know that in most instances it is not meant to be anything other than a way to introduce yourself cordially, to someone you do not have a relationship with. But that is no excuse. The problem being, pressuring someone into a situation for the benefit solely of the one doing the enticing, is crass. I can’t help but be offended, the word, and subsequent application upsets me.

He is like that. Some say overly sensitive. Some believe he simply reads lines into a script that has yet to be written. I don’t hold that against him, or anyone for that matter. Having a difficult time getting to know people is far more common than we, who are not afflicted with that condition, will admit to. 

The very idea that someone could be upset by the use of a word, and friend of all words connotates a meaning of openness, inclusion, acceptance, and all from just one little six letter word. How anyone can become so distraught over a simple word that obviously has only one intended meaning, depending of course who is dispelling intent, is beyond me. But as you can readily see, he has managed to pull it off.

He is the type of person who attempts to walk the tight rope between the worlds of good and bad, nice, and mean, him and me.

I would not take the inference she provides, as little more than frosting on a cake where she has purposely left out the sugar in the recipe. It is easy to take a simple proclamation and turn it into a soliloquy on intentional manipulation, disguised as a heartfelt welcome, but it is rarely, if ever done. It is presumably used as a tactic, more times than I believe possibility exists. I find it just another way she injects her skeptical, if not rejective insinuations upon others, who may not have the same negative attitude about people, only wishing to be more friendly than we have become accustomed to. It is simply human nature to want to be liked, if not loved, and we should be grateful people continue to be willing to risk being subjected to her hailstorm approach to meeting people, by welcoming them into a situation with a smile and a welcoming word.

Look at the facial expression, the extended hand, the inquiring tilt of the head. All indicators of intent? Or...

It is easy of course to ignore rudeness, or pretend it is unintentional. Someone having a bad day. How many times has that phrase been used to escape the repudiation of someone who is just discourteous by nature? More times I would guess, than infinities clock has hours. My attempt to be inclusive, imaginative, descriptive, but not overbearing, is intentional.  Some people do not have the ability to recognize the sensibilities of those who wish only to be included in normal everyday interactions, that are not punitive. 

She believes I fear, being open with people places one at a disadvantage, as though everyone that wishes to engage in conversation, or an activity of any type, has an ulterior motive.  She once scolded me publicly for what she said was, “The gall to apologize,” and just because the injustice may have been the misfortune of it being my doing, although, most likely not.

What does that indicate to you? People apologize routinely, whether they are in the wrong or not. It is simply a way providing an opportunity for both parties involved to walk away from a potential embarrassing situation with each accepting blame, but in a gracious and forgiving way. A form of forgiveness, even if the situation is questionable. 

In her opinion that is like admitting to being guilty, before the jury has heard the evidence, or the plaintiffs case can be fully and honorably discredited. I would never suggest that allowing justice to serve its righteous duty is not admirable, but there are times when pleading guilty to assumed aggravated assault is more expedient, from judicial point of view, than attempting to exonerate oneself by suggesting the provocateur is actually the victim.

He carries on endlessly about those who are, lets be honest, afraid they may offend someone by saying or doing something, that the last time I looked was protected by the First Amendment of our Constitution. If we force ourselves to be nebulous in speech and thought, promoters of truth, justice, just to avoid the possibility of offending someone with overly sensitive issues, all is lost. We may as well throw away the Constitution, and rely on the etiquette manuals that seem no longer to be in vogue, and for good reason. 

Being an independent person requires a steadfastness to belief and truth. Allowing the wrong-headed messages to fill the heads of gullible people without protest, should be Unconstitutional, as self-regulation at the hands of contrived understanding does nothing but complicate the necessity for truth.

Yes, she does argue that the truth is often times manipulated to tip the scales in ones favor, but I would add, we are then entering the uncharted waters of the white lie. Now, a white lie is most often an attempt to conceal a portion of the truth, as a means of preventing someone from experiencing the harsh reality of the whole truth. You might forgo a piece, or a majority of a story, so as not to alter the temperament of someone you feel needs a more understanding, than they might receive from one dedicated to the black and white principles, of those who live in glass houses.

Take her reasoning for instance, behind the simple act of wishing someone a Happy Birthday, or a Merry Christmas. Common everyday occurrences that mean little more than acknowledging a person, by hoping they will have an enjoyable day or time. It does not mean that you are wishing something upon that person. It does not infer you have the power to provide what you hope for that person. You simply wish to imply that on that day, or during that time period, they experience happiness.

When you believe that words only have transparent value, then you are assuming you understand the intent of the word used. He refuses to acknowledge that a word can be used in one form, but meant in another. Just take a look around at the world we live in. The very word transparency has become the supposed indicator of truth itself; raw and bare for the world to see. But like so many things, being able to see behind one wizard’s curtain, does not mean you have seen the entire enterprise. Deceit and deception are fundamental examples of how the word transparency is used to infer an openness, that allows for the truth to be self-evident. But is it?

The old saying “What you see, is what you get,” is terribly misleading. What you see, may be staged for convenience or intent. It may have been manipulated to direct your intention in one way, while keeping another avenue, just a blind alley. So you see, we have to be careful. There are and always have been, unscrupulous individuals who use words to implant or extract ideas or actions from us. Is it possible you are one of those people, who have been abused by the purposeful and impactful use of words?

I am sorry, but we have run out of allotted time for this segment. It has been a revealing session. I can only hope, you agree. I would encourage you to examine the words you use carefully, as what you intend, may not be what is understood. So many of us, are simply targets of intent, that we in our naivety interpret as, a self-imposed need to belong.

I hope I have made you feel more comfortable, or at least cognizant of the words you use, how you use them, and how they may, or may not be, interpreted. 

For someone who pretends to be my friend, keeper of my secrets, he is the most confusing arbiter of psychological prognosis I have ever encountered. I sometimes believe he is going… mad?

In our next session, we will be considering the positive and negative effects, of being labeled, “Normal.”