Chaos and nightmares

Dear Diary,

Another sleepless night again. I often feel like there will be no end to nights like this. I can lay there for hours in my own chaos as my demons play like hell is their playground. I know that when I close my eyes the nightmares will begin, they seem to get worse and more vivid but did it really happen or is it just my imagination? No, I really think it happened, this may only be my safe space to figure out the chaos and sort out the nightmares.

When the nightmares first began I wasn't sure what was going on. It was a warm day with a pleasant breeze when I heard her scream. That scream echoed thru my soul, it was terrifying and haunting, I ran towards the abandoned cemetery that the scream came from. The cemetery had been abandoned years earlier when they moved the decreased to the new cemetery due to flooding from the marshes. The cemetery had it's first resident in the late 1800's sadly a young girl that became very ill with small pox. As I stand there in the entrance everything becomes dead still. Suddenly a faint mist starts rolling in until I can't hardly see anything, I then hear a faint whimper from off to my left that made me jump. I slowly moved that way to see who was there, all the sudden I could see a large figure standing over a young girl with a machete. I yell at him to stop, as he slowly turns around I see his face? But there really wasn't a face and I start to realize he was almost translucent. Where his eyes should be are hollowed out orbs, his nose is well an open cavity and his mouth is a grotesque mess of fowl odor. He stalks towards me with a his machete raised I turn to run but realized I couldn't leave her there. As I turned back around I felt a cold chill go right thru me and realized he went thru me. What the hell just happened I looked back to the young girl still cowering next to a head stone. I thought all of them had been relocated what was this one doing still here. Suddenly I could feel a cold breath on my neck that sent prickles up my spine, this can't be happening, ghosts they aren't real are they? I then felt the most excruciating pain I had never felt in my life what, what was going on. The poor little girl was so frightened that all she could do is make herself as small as possible. I tried to run but I couldn't move it was like I was frozen in that spot. I slowly turned around and I was face to face with that, that thing his breath was so pewtrid that if I inhaled I knew I would throw up. Staring into those hollowed out orbs terrified me. I didn't know what to do, I knew that even if I screamed no one would hear me so I called on my spirit guides to protect me. As they all slowly encircle me and this creature, he became aware of them and the light that emminated from them. You could feel the fear from this creature he knew they were going to send him back to where he came from that was hell. As I stand in their light I realize that this creature can't hurt me. I ask them to send him back to his own hell so he can't hurt anyone else. Suddenly there is a bright warm light that was so calming and safe then as I heard a guttural scream from deep in his throat he was gone. As I stood there basking in their love and protection I remembered the young girl, she was still cowering by the headstone as I bent down to speak to her I read the headstone and the date. I finally understood it was hers but why is she still here, all the deceased and their head stones were moved did they miss this one? She passed away from small pox didn't she? That's what the archives said, was her death a cover up for something much more sinister? I asked her if it was her she slowly nodded, I could my guides come around to enclose us. I then heard one of them speak kindly telling me that she had been brutalized her whole young life and it finally ended in murder by the man that was terrorizing her. That man was her father , he had been a minister of their church, teaching her what her husband expected of her. She was only 12yrs old and she was due to be married off to an older man but the man wanted a virgin when she told him she wasn't because her father was teaching her how to be a good wife, the man became angry and backed out of the deal, her father was selling her for $5000 that is what made her father turn on her and finally murdered her. Same scene had been playing over and over for all these years like a time loop. I couldn't imagine her final moments in her young life but now she was free to move into light. As my spirit guides took her hands they gently guided her with them to take her home. I all the sudden found myself alone in the cemetery as the mist cleared I could feel the warmth from the sun, the birds began to sing. I thought this couldn't be real what just happened. But every time I close my eyes I see that creature coming at me with his machete, is he haunting me because his prey is finally at peace and he isn't. I wake up with my heart beating out of my chest. Being awake is my only reprieve from these nightmares. So my nights are sleepless and exhausting I feel it too my core. I feel one day he will drag me to the depths of his hell and I will never find my way back if I sleep.