The Grinch Is Not Stealing My Joy Today

The glowing sun, a perfectly crisp orange circle in the bloody sky illuminated the path across the water. I sat for hours until the sun dipped below the horizon and the colors changed to charcoal black.  The news came in a phone call. I knew that it would be bad news. The tone in the doctor’s voice told me all I needed to know. I didn’t need to hear the words. I already knew the words because I had said them to myself many times. I told the doctor calmly that I would make an appointment for next week. I lied. I had no intention of making any appointments in any medical office. There was nothing more they could do for me. I knew it and so did they. 

I went home and I organized my small apartment. I arranged all of the books and magazines in alphabetical order on the shelves. I knew that it was just busy work and would not make a difference to anyone in the end but I refused to leave an unorganized apartment for anyone to see, especially my mother. She would never forgive me if she walked into a messy apartment. I had to make sure she would not. Everything would be in its place. My dishes were washed and put on the top and bottom cabinets along with the pots and pans. My favorite stainless steel black skillet I left on the stove. I would use that one tonight for the meal.  My last meal before the trip. 

The road trip was going to last exactly two weeks. I was going on the same road trip I took as a child with my father. I want to see what I didn’t see all those years ago. I want to see what I saw too. I want to drive myself on the winding roads where the cliffs and the roads meet. I won’t be scared to look over the cliffs this time. I will drive the winding roads and glance down at the ocean below. I will feel the summer’s breeze in my hair and I will throw my hands up in the air and catch the air. I will stuff myself with strawberry and lemon ice cream until my stomach begs me to stop. I will eat all the hotdogs at the hotdog stands along the way and thank the vendors for the best hotdogs in the tri state area. I will reserve a  beach house. The beach house with the small white porch and the blooming yellow roses in the front yard. I will lie in the sun without my large red sun hat and dark sunglasses. I want to soak it all up. I want to get the darkest and the deepest tan until my skin turns the color of black coffee. I want to do this and more. 

“Odessa, where are we going?” 

“Daddy, we are taking a road trip. Like when I was little and you used to take me every summer to the beach, Caddy’s Cove. Remember Dad?”

“It’s been many years since we went on a road trip. I thought you were too old for road trips with your old dad.” Her father laughed.

“Never, Daddy. I am never too old to hang out with you. I love you.”

“Dessa, I love you too. But, why are we going now? I thought that we were going to take this trip next summer for my 80th birthday. It was going to be the whole family.” 

“Well, Dad, I just thought that we could do it now and next year we can do it again if we can.” 

“Dessa, what do you mean if we can? I’ll be here.” Her father joked.

“I just mean that I want to spend some time with you this year. I want to stay up late and watch sunsets and wake up early and watch sunrises with you. I want to feel the grittiness of the sand under my feet.” 

“Remember last time you wanted to go barefoot on the sand and stepped on that seashell and cut your foot? You cried so hard I had to carry you back to the house.” Her dad laughed at the memory.

“Yeah, I remember. Mom made me promise to wear shoes on the beach after that.” Odessa laughed.

“Daddy, we are almost here. Do you need to stop to get something to eat before we get there?”

“No, I’m good. Besides, your mom packed us lots of food. She was up cooking all night. She made all of our favorites. I can’t wait to eat that potato salad. Your mama makes the best potato salad. And the 7-up cake is the bomb. Is that what the kids say these days?” 

“Daddy, I don’t know what they say these days but I do agree that cake is the bomb. I can’t wait to eat it either. I think this is going to be the best trip of our lives.” 

“Dessa, I am looking forward to swimming in that ocean. Remember how we used to do that?” 

“Yeah, I am ready, Daddy. I am ready to swim and do all the stuff we used to do.” 

The ocean waves created small ripples across the water. Odessa and her Dad held hands as they raced to the water. They were still holding hands as the water splashed against their legs. They ran several feet into the water and dived in head first. They clapped their hands and swam together tasting the salty water and smiling. Odessa ducked underneath the water and tickled the legs of her father just like she used to do when she was six years old. She knew that he would laugh and do the same thing to her. They would play that game until one of them said, “Uncle” and they would start all over again until they got tired and swam to shore. 

Odessa carefully unfolded a large yellow beach towel and laid it on the sand next to her father who was already sitting down on his green towel. She shook the water drops from her hair and tilted her head to the sky. 

“Dessa what’s going on?” Her father asked, interrupting  her thoughts.

“What do you mean? Nothing is going on. I am just looking at the sky. It’s such a pretty light blue sky today.” 

“Dessa, I know you and I know that you didn’t bring me out here for nothing. What’s going on?” Her father continued.

“Daddy, there is nothing going on. I am just enjoying the beach after our swim. Nothing more.” Odessa said as she looked into her dad’s bright blue eyes. 

“If you say so. But, you know that you can always talk to me. You can tell me anything. You know that right?” 

“Yes, Dad, I know. But, there is nothing to tell you. I promise. Now, let’s go and eat some of Mama’s famous potato salad. I will race you to the house.” 

Odessa raced her dad to the house and let him win. 

The next few days Odessa and her dad ate way too many hotdogs, drank too many sodas and had too many ice cream Sundaes. They also laughed so many times that Odessa lost count. They even told ghost stories at night and pretended to be scared. It was just like when she was eight years old, the last time they took a road trip together just the two of them. That was the year before her sister, Blanche was born. 

“Gremlin, do you want a chocolate milkshake with crumbled oreo cookies on top?” 

“Daddy, you haven’t called me that since I was ten years old.” Odessa laughed.

“I know. But, since we are going back down memory lane I thought it was appropriate. And I am still waiting for you to tell me what’s going on.” Her father said, handing Odessa the chocolate milkshake he made for her.

“This is good. Daddy, you make the best milkshakes.” 

“Yes, I do.” 

The trip home was long. Odessa deliberately took the long way home. She wanted to spend as much time as she could with her dad. She wanted to memorize every line, every wrinkle on his face. She wanted to never forget how he looked and even how his after shave smelled.  That strong scent of Bruit which he used ever since she could remember. The same kind she gave him for Christmas when she was thirteen. She didn’t want to forget this moment ever. 

“Dessa, are you sick?” Her dad asked as she made a winding turn around the last curve of the mountain leading from the beach. 

“What? Sick?” She mumbled, keeping her eyes on the road.

“Yes, sick. There is something going on with you and I think that you are sick. I know that you were talking to the doctor on the phone last night at the beach house. I didn’t mean to overhear your conversation but I did and I know something is wrong.” 

“Daddy, I don’t want to talk about it now.”

“Dessa pulled over at the next fork in the road. We need to talk.” 

Odessa pulled the car over and turned off the engine. She didn’t want to have this conversation but she knew that her dad was persistent and he would not give up until he knew the truth.

“Daddy, you’re right. I was talking to the doctor at the beach house. He wants me to come in for an appointment. I don’t need to come in though. I am too busy trying to live my life. I don’t have time for death and dying. He said that I was dying. Can you believe it? Daddy, he said that I was dying. I didn’t want to believe it. But, I know it is true. My body told me this long before he did.”

“Dessa, baby, I am here for you. I am always here for you. You know this.” 

“Daddy, don’t cry. We both knew this day would come. I just thought that I would have more time. I don’t want you to cry. I don’t want to cry. I have cried enough for both of us. But, the cancer didn’t go away, Daddy. The cancer spread. But, I can’t think about that. I can’t think about how this stupid cancer is ravishing my body and killing me slowly. If I do Daddy I will go insane. I just want to live as much as I can and as hard as I can. I want to spend time with you and mama and even my annoying little sister.  I want to eat cake for breakfast and pancakes for dinner. I want to help you blow out your birthday candles and sing happy birthday to you. I want to dance in the rain and sing in the sunshine. I want to eat mama’s cake until I burst. I want to ride the rollercoaster one more time and scream waving my hands high above my head next to you in the front car. I want to do all those things one last time.”

“I’m so sorry that you have to go through this baby girl. That’s why the road trip huh?” Odessa dad said through his tears.

“Yes, and please Daddy don’t cry. Just hug me. I need a big Daddy hug.” 

“You got it, my little Gremlin. I love you so much.”

“I love you too Daddy. Now, if we don’t get back on the road we will never get home and Mama is cooking her special roasted chicken.” 

“Well, then drive baby girl, put the pedal to the metal.” They both laughed through tears as Odessa put the car in drive. 

They drove off into another sunset. It was the end of another epic road trip and the beginning of living until the wheels fall off.