“I don’t know why you see such an appeal in this place. I mean, it’s just a bunch of old paintings and furniture. I don’t even think there’s electricity, I just see a bunch of candles everywhere.”
“Are you kidding me? This is like, a chance of a lifetime!”
“Exploring a dusty manor in the dead of night, with only flashlights and decade-old candles to light our way, what a joyful experience.”
“Not just a dusty manor. It’s one of the most well known haunted locations in the entire state, maybe even the country!”
“Is that supposed to make me feel excited? Because if so, it’s not working very well.”
“Just grin and bear it. You got your boring art museum trip and you convinced me to go to that Mexican place down the street. This is the least you could do.”
“Fine, fine, I’ll give it a shot, but if you really are right about this paranormal stuff and I get chopped apart by some ghost in a white sheet, I’m coming back to haunt you.”
“They don’t actually wear white sheets, that’s just a thing in movies.”
“Really? But that’s what I was excited for! The thrill of a cheap Halloween costume jumpscare. Nothing beats it.”
“Very funny, now could you hand me the camera?”
“Alright, Cass, but when you see the true horrors of this place via the dimly lit polaroids, don’t say I didn’t warn you. . .”
“God, Hannah, how are you not the tiniest bit scared right now?”
“I’m scared of real things, Cass. Like criminals and Mom’s casseroles. This is just a house.”
“Could you please take this more seriously?”
“Excuse you, I take casseroles very seriously.”
“You know that’s not what I- hold on, did you hear that?”
“I was just joking, Cass, there’s no need to try and scare me.”
“I’m being for real! I think I heard something. It sounded like footsteps.”
“You’re just being overdramatic, it could easily be our own footsteps, an animal, or even another paranormal investigator they let in after us.”
“But the owner said we would be the only one’s inside. Someone could’ve snuck in through the back!”
“Mr. Daniels said that there are security guards stationed in the back, there’s no way anyone's getting in through there. Besides, other than us, who in their right mind would choose to be inside of a supposedly haunted manor.”
“First of all, plenty of people. Secondly, what if there’s some criminal here with us? What if they got inside somehow?”
“Oh please. You’re just going to freak yourself out more with all these questions. You know what? Just to prove that you're spouting nonsense, we’ll go check out the noise. Would that make you happy?”
“No! That is the exact opposite of what I want! I think we should leave, like normal people who hear a sound in a creepy place!”
“Too late, I’m already walking away. You can come with me or wait here alone.”
“Wait- Hey! Get back here!”
“If you keep talking so loud, that murderer you’ve dreamt up is just going to find us faster.”
“Hannah, you’re a real jerk, you know that?”
“It is my specialty, I don’t know what else you were expecting.”
“This trip was a god awful idea.”
“Hey, I suggested we just have a nice and peaceful road trip to celebrate graduation. You were the one who wanted to go ghost hunting.`”
“You have a fair point, but still, I didn’t consider the fact that something could go wrong.”
“Whatever. So, where was it that you heard- what the hell was that?”
“Please tell me you heard that too.”
“Was that a scream?”
“That- that was definitely a scream, and I don’t think it was an animal’s- Hannah, we have to leave. I think there might actually be someone here.”
“It didn’t come from inside the house, Cass. That scream came from outside. I think. . . I think it might have been the owner.”
“What are you suggesting?”
“Get over here, we have to find somewhere to hide.”
“There’s a cabinet we could probably fit in.”
“Well hurry up!”
“God, this looks like it hasn’t been dusted in ages.”
“Are you really complaining at a time like this?”
“I didn’t mean it like-”
“Just be quiet and turn off your flashlight. The owner said he would come to get us at four. He should be here any minute now. Then we’ll realize we were just being paranoid over nothing, and this all will be over.”
“But. . . what if it isn’t just nothing? Hannah?”
“We just have to wait it out.”
“How long has it been?”
“Fifteen minutes. I don’t think he’s coming, Cass. I’m going to go check. Maybe he forgot to check the time.”
“Hannah, just give him a few more minutes, please.”
“I’ll be fine, just stay here.”
“Alright. . . be safe, Hannah. . .”
“Hannah? Is that you knocking?”
“Hannah, I’m right here, just open the door.”
“Why do you keep knocking? Just open it!”
“Hannah? If this is some elaborate ruse to scare me, I swear, I will never forgive you.”
“Okay, I’m sorry for dragging you out here. I shouldn’t have forced you to come. Please open the door, you’ve won, I’ve apologized.”
“Hannah, you’re scaring me.”
“Hannah?”
“Don’t worry, dear, it’s Mr. Daniels, you can come out.”
“Oh thank god, I was getting worried. Where’s Hannah?”
“Your sister is outside waiting for you, I can escort you out if you’d like.”
“That would be great, thank you.”
“Oh no worries, it’s my pleasure.”
“Say, Mr. Daniels. Why is this place haunted anyway? I couldn’t find anything about people living here before online.”
“My dear, Cassandra, you’ll find that out soon.”
“Did- did you just lock the door?”
“Hauntings arise from tragedy, especially tragedy leading to death. Now I wanted a place where people could find an array of ghosts to fawn over, but I never could find a place that suited my taste well enough. So, I decided to make my own.”
“You monster. . . what did you do with Hannah?”
“Don’t worry, Cassandra, you’ll be with her shortly.”
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3 comments
Oooh creepy ending! Love you're dialogue, it's humorous while still sounding natural and not forced. As much as I loved the ending, it might have created a bit of a plot hole. If there aren't any ghosts, how'd the house get its reputation? Having one of the girls mention the history of the house or pqst paranormal reports, etc.. would have helped tie everything together. That's just my opinion though. Fun story and great first submission!
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Thank you for the input!
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Hey Katie! Nice job with this story. You made Cass and Hannah's voices different enough, and their motivations different enough, that I was able to track who was who pretty easily. I would suggest introducing their names earlier if possible. Otherwise, good work!
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