The man who watched the stars

He was looking up at the stars as if he wanted to see his own star rising in the sky. It was clear that night and time seemed to have stopped so that humankind could look beyond and seek the true meaning of life. But no one was looking at the sky except this man who would have been wiped out from the face of the earth soon.

“Are you still looking for your star, Mr Schmidt?”, asked the nurse who came into his room unnoticed.

“This time I think I see it. Come here, I'll show it to you.”

The old man stood on the terrace, wearing his blue pajamas and his blue eyes reflected infinity.

Emma had been working at the Nursing Home for six months now, always finding Mr Schmidt staring at the night sky, and during the day - opening a book, more to keep him company than for him to read it.

“Mr Schmidt, do you remember what you said to me the day before yesterday? That if a new star appears in the sky, someone has died. And when someone dies, they become a star to illuminate the path of the living. You're still alive, so this star is not yours.

„You are mistaken, Miss Emma, I haven’t been among the living for a long time since I do not exist in their thoughts. In addition, a person’s star appears in the sky even before their death occurs and, although brief, can be seen with the naked eye. Like a baby growing in the womb, though not yet born, it exists and can be seen with these new gadgets.”

“It's called an ultrasound. But, Mr Schmidt, one does not stop living simply because they are not present in the thoughts of others. Or at least it shouldn't feel that way. As long as there is still blood in the veins and a desire for life - life goes on. I have the feeling that you have given up in advance. Moreover, your loved ones constantly ask about you.“

„Have they called? When?”

“Yesterday afternoon, but you were sleeping.”

“Why didn’t you wake me up?”

”Because I know how important the afternoon nap is to you. Without it, you won't be able to stare at the sky for hours on end and look for your star.”

“I'm looking for it because there's nothing else I can do in this home. Let me tell you something, Emma. I was very good with my kids, too good. I gave them everything they needed to build themselves up as individuals, to become strong and combative, and prove themselves to the world. But at one point I became a burden. It's normal. How could my daughter fly from Chicago to Hong Kong and from Sri Lanka to Monte Carlo if there is an old man on the bed who she needs to care constantly for? What about my son? Would he have owned a giant car company if he'd stayed home, nailed to my bed? No. I'm not angry about that, Emma. I'm angry that they don't call me anymore. And I know that, don’t object. You come here every day with a smile and tell me that they were looking for me just to please me, but I know the truth. I saw it in my daughter's eyes the last time she came. She said to me, "Do you know how difficult it is to put you in my schedule?" And she's right. However, the indifference with which she said it was what hurt me. I felt that she no longer had any emotional connection to me, she had wiped me out of her heart even before I died. She overcame my death long before it has come. I don't even know if she shed a single tear since I've been here. My son ... I don't even know if he really ever loved me. For him, I was an unlucky miserable man who abandoned his dreams. That's how it was.

At 28, I gave up the great career that awaited me just to take care of my children. Because there is no greater happiness in the world than children. And my wife wanted to have children very much. They were growing, and I was close to them constantly. Their joy was my joy. Their grief - my grief. Do you think I did not dream of success? Oh, I wanted it so much! I would become a great singer, be the best Manrico in the world and sing for my beautiful Leonora. To be the incredible don Carlos and to long for my Elizabeth. But I deprived myself from that dream by choosing children instead of my favorite characters. I loved them more than anything!

My wife died very young. Then I became the Father with a capital F - the good father giving the best gifts, forgiving everything, the father with the wisest advice ... But that was not enough. I soon became the old man who would be gone sooner or later, so it's not worth it to get attached to him. In life, it might be easier to not attach yourself to anyone so you don't suffer if something happens to them. I'm old-fashioned, I'm sentimental, and for me, the kids were everything. I lost them, what is left for me now, except to look at the sky and turn the pages of my life over and over again?”

“Mr Schmidt, one must never lose meaning, whatever happens to them. What are those 78 years of life compared to those few moments of happiness that you can experience if you allow it? I may be young and things look quite different in my eyes, but believe me, I know it from now - life is the most precious thing we have, it is something completely unexpected and offers us all kinds of miracles as long as we allow them to happen. Your children are far away, they have their lives, but you have yours too. I'm not here to lie to you, but to take care of you. And sometimes this care goes beyond maintaining your physical well-being and taking care of your physiological needs and requires care for your psychological well-being. Do not be discouraged. I know you must have been told that long before myself, but if you look inside, I'm sure you will find something, albeit small, that makes it worth living, even here, even this way - with the sky and the old books.”

“How old are you, Emma?”

“I’m 26.”

“You are very smart for your age. You astounded this old man who thought he knew everything. But tell me, why would a girl like you insist on me living? Except for me, you care for a dozen or so rusty old men. How can you be concerned about the life of a complete stranger after even his loved ones have forgotten him?”

“Because at 10, 26 and 78 life is all we have, so we should not let it leave us. And no one should ever let another lose hope while they have it in abundance. Those who have nothing to live for - die. And you have a reason to live, I see it.”

“Look at it after all.”

“What?”

“My star.”

“All right, point it to me.”

“This one, at the center of the Ursa Major. Do you see it? It shines very slightly, barely noticeable, but will soon shine as brightly as Venus.”

“That star was there last night as well, Mr. Schmidt.”

“That’s not true. Do I watch the sky every night or do you?”

“You do. But come on in, it's cold tonight, the wind is blowing from the north.”

“"Oh my dear evening star, I always greet you with joy ..."”

“What's this weird song, sir, I haven't heard it.”

“It's not a song, it's an aria. By Richard Wagner. "... From a heart she never betrayed, greet her when she passes me by ..."”

“Good night, Mr. Schmidt. Do not stay on the terrace for long.”

The nurse left the room, leaving the elderly man with his favorite company - the night sky.

“You are too old for such feelings, my friend. You're too old. But she is right - there is always something beautiful in life that will keep us longer in it. But I have already looked at another beauty that exists only beyond - the beauty of looking from above.

The sky is speaking to me tonight. It tells me, “You will leave in the spring when all the flowers bloom. The air will be full of jasmine and everyone will sing amen, amen.

" You're too poetic, old man. But the sky has always loved poets, which is why it takes them so early. If I'm like a poet, then it's time for heaven to accept me.

But what do I hear? Elizabeth's voice, she sings for me on this starry night. What does she whisper to me? "If there are still tears in heaven, shed one to me in front of God's throne!" Are you alive, my dream? Am I alive or dreaming of the life I never had ....?”

The sky was clear that night and one could see everything, even oneself. He looked up at the stars, as if he wanted to see his own star rising in the sky. And he seemed to see it. It’s as if the world has finally seen him.