Thank You Ms. Cordray

My mother had six kids, two husbands and a bar meet. Do not get me wrong I am unable to hate my mother, no matter how many things that were allowed to happen. The only blood we had in common was my mothers. When I was little I was unable to read and write like others my age, my progress in school was hindered by my parents doing things when they were young. Drugs and alcohol do affect children's progress in life. To this day I have a really hard time reading, things just do not make sense to me. However there was this one person in my childhood who taught me so much in life. She was my teacher from ELC close to special educations teacher Ms. Cordray. I do not know if she remembers me, I was the loveable kid who had a little devil in his pocket. I always wanted a hug, she never knew why i guess, if she did she would have let me stay in the school while things were being checked. Did you know in the early 2000s and mid 90s all you had to say that the child was your step son and he had to be disciplined to get the officer to let you off with “ I understand, have a good day.” and if that officer actually was doing their job they would have talked to the person who actually had custody of me which was my mother. How can you see a picture of a child with bruises and always starts panicking close to the end of the day, when they had to go home. How in the world did my poor white self get hurt by so many for so long and not once get the help I have begged for for so long? 

I guess if you do not have money you do not matter in this society. I hate hearing about white privilege. No that does not exist, it is not racism either the poor no matter what pigmentation we have that get treated poorly. Well let me get back to this very important person in my childhood. You see having a learning disability is not what you think it is where most children are able to look and think clearly, others like me have to observe patterns and that area is what Ms. Cordray focused on. If i was able to get her to see the importance she has made in our lives that would be great. And just so you are aware as I write these stories and I add the punctuation last. i have to type as i think there is no way i can take a break without messing up. I misspell a lot of words because as i think of doing one thing i can not think of another. Right now i am remembering the person who taught me that i was dangerously clingy, and kept telling me that my name was not stupid or that i was wanted, that all she wanted was my name on the top of the paper. She was the one who sent me to the nurse when I came to class crying and walking with a limp from the congo line we had to stand in earlier. I was always told that a real author speaks of what they know not to come up with something that they have no experience in. I have plenty to write and to be honest i hate the idea of money. It was the reasoning they used when i was getting disciplined. I am still owed a chance to get justice, and nobody has ever wanted to hear the schizo talking delusional thoughts or how someone really is feeling and this is taught everyday back when i was in school. Now we have #saveourkids and #blacklivesmatter, both groups are wrong but they are also right. In order to have equality in humanity, first you have to know the truth that black people are one of many important parts of humanity, that when one part is being targeted in a species it weakens and leads to the extinction of that species. The #saveourkids can only work when you help those who were never helped, never heard, never spoken for. The person who started this should be aware that there are multiple levels of abuse and the worse form is when the child loses the ability to take care of themselves, has to be cared for and who do you think, is going to step up 80% of the time it is the one who caused the damage in the first place, either directly or indirectly. If you want to end abuse, stop trying to entertain and start doing your job. Changing society with creativity, which is actually better for reading, then what we have now. Such stories like Goosebumps, yes, it was very entertaining. However what did i learn reading it, the answer, nothing. Ms. Cordray had a book that she read all the time: the ugly duckling, or the three blind mice; things like that were entertaining and had a positive message. The federal government gets paid to represent, but a true author guides society to make it better. These are things I learned from someone who under my breath I called mom. She did not ignore me or leave me behind when I had a flashback she may not have understood the depth of my home life, but she tried to make me feel better. It was her who helped me become a writer in the first place. She was the one who made sure no child was left behind. She fought for me when no one else would, at least not when I was a child. Now it is different now I have someone working hard to pull me out of my past and push me to a better future. A future that i believe should be structured so that abuse of a child is virtually and theoretically impossible. I mean that s better than my original is=dea so there have been improvements from someone who did not want his stuff anywhere but in a bag right next to them, to someone who now owns a pig and wants to make soil for a living taking care of others the way someone did for me. Ms. Cordray made a few mistakes dealing with my situation. However, there was effort. So yes i do have the connection with her.