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Reedsy Prompts

Petra Y. Cooper

Cooperwell@yahoo.com

Menage

I heard them talking I heard them discussing me as if I didn’t exist.

Parents they really don’t see their mistakes and the choices they make.

Their voices only grew more intense the deeper the discussion.

My mother fussing, my father busting at the seams.

What I want to know was what was so wrong with me that even my

Own blood couldn’t stand me.

I tried to turn and make it to my room,

but I stumbled into the table by the door falling to the floor.

 They came rushing

But not out of concern for me but for the love of their things.

Incredible isn’t it the lack of love and coldness.         

“I’m sick and tired of you living here,

I’m sick and tired of you always being in the way,

 you’re a constant pain.”

Would you like me to leave? “Yes, I would.”

“No, she can’t leave she’s too young to be on her own.”

Fine it’s no problem I’ll go, just remember this because I won’t forget it.

 “You really think I care.

You prance around here, as if you own this house.

You think you can do whatever you want.

 Just get out”

You see this is why I have a therapist you are the constant negative voice in my head.

And like a diseased piece of flesh

 in time you’ve spread

affecting my whole system.

After this day not another word to you will ever come from these lips.

Its dead after this.

“Do you think I actually care?

One way or another you’re out of my hair and nothing can compare to that freedom.

 Good riddance, I hope to never see you again.”

Those words will forever ring in my ears

I could never respect anyone who could treat their children as horribly as you do.

“You see that’s where you always mess up, you’re not a child anymore.

 You want to walk around here like you’re all grown up,

 you want to walk around here dressed grown well there’s the door

go be grown in your own home”

Even as a child you had no limits with your cruelty.

I looked to the four other eyes for support

One looked blankly and walked away

One fought for me to stay

In the end it didn’t matter

 How could I stay where I’m not wanted?

 Don’t worry I’m leaving, and you’ll never see me again.

Time had passed and promises where

 kept we no longer existed in each other’s worlds

but I couldn’t let go of the hurt

I couldn’t let go of the pain

The anguish kept me awake

Why wasn’t I good enough?

Why was I even born?

Why am I the only one who seems to mourn

What has torn

Apart our family

Our kinship

This was a sickness

 passed through generation after generation

From one set to the next

It would end with me

All these thoughts rushing through my head

While walking the streets

Close to my front door a shadowy figure stood still

I paused forgetting to take a breath

Waiting as they waited

No one said a word

The world

Rushing by time speeding past in a flash

It was my mother there skinny and frail

To no avail

My strength left and I hugged her with all of me

Forgetting myself

She stiffened

Then hugged me back

“I came to tell you your fathers in the hospital and he wanted to see you.”

I don’t want to see him

“I didn’t ask what you want I’m telling you to come back with me and see him please, please, please.

 I promised him I’d bring you home.”

Harsh as ever the same old same old

While the begging was a first for me

Astounding the lengths, she went for him

If only she extended me the same courtesy

She sighed heavy

I figured you would be a waste of my time

Well, your brother came back home

I don’t care I’m not going anywhere I will not change my mind

Nor will I see that man and nor will I return again

“And why not? He is your father.”

That man was no father to any of us

He was selfish

And we hated him

You knew who he was

You knew what he did

And you allowed it

Why did you stay after you found out?

Why were you so weak and afraid to speak?”

She slapped me and left not another word said

After she went, I called my brother

He confessed his visit was more or less

For devious reasons

He had planned to get even

My mother hated me

but like my father she

doted on my brother like she did with my father

So at least he had her

But I had no one

Despite being “close” to my brother

He never hesitated to stick by her side

But I wanted him to ride for me only

Even when I needed him most

He supported her

It never mattered if I was right

He didn’t want to lose his place as her golden child

He didn’t want to lose his prize

But my father despised us both but him more so

Jealousy for my big brother oozed out of my father’s pores

My mother hated me for the same reason

My father hated my brother

And instead of joining together it felt as if

 they had all turned against me when I was forced to leave

I stayed connected with only

my big brother not another

word to another family member

After spending another night

Having another fight

With my demons restless sleeping

I got up and decided

To do what my brother was doing

To get even with my entire family

I booked a flight

I made it there just in time

My father had arrived at the house the same time

I was pulling up

It was kind of nuts

To see where I grew up

Everything still so monstrous

And overwhelming

Still so overbearing

I began tearing

At the sight of them

And I couldn’t allow myself to be weak

I walked towards them meek

I had to play the wolf in sheep’s clothes

And for a couple of days no one spoke

We were together but separate

Just like the old days

Until one night she allowed him to drink

While on his medication

He went railing

He began wailing

Forgetting he was sick he was babbling

All the while glaring

And snaring

And I knew that look

And I was shaking

Forgetting myself

Forgetting my age

Forgetting my rage

I had to escape

I went to my room

I heard yelling and him throwing things

An old man throwing a tantrum

He demanded

My mother and brother go to store and get him more

Along with some other things

Always a mean drunk

I needed to hide

No lock on my door

I was exposed and afraid

Forgetting why I came

I wasn’t that little girl anymore

I wasn’t weak

I wasn’t frail

He came rushing in

Sweating and panting

It was weird to see him so weak and frail

He flared at his impotence

And I felt like I shouldn’t exist

How could he still do this?

How could he still believe this ok?

He laid next to me in a deep sleep

They returned

And her

Reaction was always the same

She spewed anger at me

While drowning him in affection

Her acting

As if oblivious

To what he was

Helping him out of my bed to take him to hers

At 19 I felt as if the world weighed on me

Before taking her leave she turned back to glare at me

All I wanted was for her to hold him

To see me

To save me

But I had to save myself

In the morning I woke he was there again

And as I went to the kitchen

I saw her leaving my brothers bedroom

We met in the hall

And she passed attempting to push me into the wall

And I couldn’t stop her fall

She forgot the difference from now and then

She is by far the weaker one now

I was about to help

But she spat in my direction

And I turned around and kept heading for the kitchen

I knew her hate came from a place of shame

But it hurt just the same

I made breakfast for everyone just like before

We sat in silence devouring

When she finally spoke

“We need the two of you to move back in

Temporarily”

“We need the help”

He kept his eyes on his plate

I knew the thought of this

Angered him

His eyes turning red

My brother laughed

Why would I come back here?

I’m not wanted

She grabbed his hand

I want you

Her gesture

Made my skin crawl

because she didn’t mean it as a mother at all

I said yes

Everyone stared at me

My plan was in motion

And amongst the commotion

 I hoped to remain hidden

Until what I want was in the right position

Months passed

And the doctors couldn’t find out why they only grew weaker

And now my brother fell ill

Not as sick as them but sick enough to have him out of commission

And it all fell on me to take care of them all

And I did it alone

Maybe deep down I believed if I nursed them, they would see me

But they only got nastier the sicker they became

And it was beginning to be too late

To save my family

I guess ill have to bury it all along with them

But at least I’ll be free

Free from all the shame and animosity.

On day 133 my mother laid

On her death bed holding my brother’s hand

She never looked at me

And with her final breaths she told him she loved him

She told me to go to hell and I wasn’t as pretty as I believed

And when my brother began a coughing fit, I leaned in close and told her that I did it

That I had killed her

And as her breathing became rapid

And the panic

Set in her eyes she finally died

And I smiled

Then it was just us three

And for a time, we seemed happy

I had them both to myself

Until I felt sick

It made no sense

Why I was ill

Until I found

There were four growing

Who’s were they?

How could this be?

I hated what was growing inside of me

Until I realized that now I could make a family for me

A family that loved and wanted me

On day 145 it was my fathers turn we all believed he would die before she

But he seemed happier and at ease

And pleased

With her gone

But soon he turned for the worse

And he was next for the hearse

But not before I could curse

His soul

To damnation like my own

My brother being somewhat stronger did me a favor and helped me pay

Him in kind

Of how we spent every night since I was five

And right before he died

I let him know that it was I

And the fear on his face

As his life left his eyes

What a priceless expression

This was the deep taste of my true desires.

After burying both of our parents

We stayed in the house

Taking care of each other

Becoming closer

And my brother started to feel

How I’ve always been feeling

On day 222 my brother grew

In his strength and his affection

It was just us two for a time and that was

How I always wanted it

Until there were six

And it was going to be different.