SING ME A LOVE SONG

I have something no one else has.  I hear music. All. The. Time. The experts call it Auditory Hallucination but, for me, it’s an internal soundtrack. It’s part of me, a living, breathing organism that is compelled to comment on everything by way of song. Everything.

It began happening as I was first learning to talk. At the same time my infantile brain was putting the pieces together to connect sounds to syllables to objects, there were some additional cells working overtime to acquire an inventory that would provide a musical score to my life that only I could hear.

My twin brother Mason didn’t experience what I did. He told me when we were older he could sense I had something going on inside me that others couldn’t hear or know about, even before I could describe it.  Our parents simply assumed I was pensive.

I just didn’t know how to turn down the music.

*  *  *

The doctors tested me for everything under the sun and could not detect a single abnormality that could account for this unique phenomenon. They did what people of science almost always do when unable to understand or explain something; they chalked it up to stress.

You put de lime in de coconut, you drink dem bot’ togedder.  You put de lime in the coconut and den you'll feel bedda. . .and call me in the morning

They didn’t know. And that’s okay, but don’t try feeding me remedies when you don’t even know what the condition is. 

I just dropped in to see what condition my condition was in

*  *  *

“Maisy, I really want -- no, I need you to come and meet Sylvie. She’s everything I’ve ever wanted but I can’t propose without you meeting her.”

I’m getting’ married in the morning, ding dong the bells are gonna chime

“You know, Mason, we talked about this when you moved to Vegas, that there were going to be times I wouldn’t be able to afford to fly out to see you at a moment’s notice. My life is here in NYC.”

I’ve got to live, not merely survive, and I won’t give up this dream of life that keeps me alive

“Does this mean you found a job?”

“Yeah, well, no.  I’m still working on it. I just interviewed to be a caterer’s assistant in midtown. It looks promising.”

Desperado, why don’t you come to your senses, you’ve been out ridin’ fences for so long now

“I’ll pay for your flight.”

Money makes the world go around the world go around the world go around

“Mase, is it that important?  Really, like right now?”

“I wouldn’t ask otherwise.”

I hate flying.

Leavin’ on a jet plane 

* * *

Mason, good as his word, paid my plane fare. It was a red-eye flight that had me nose to nose with a full moon right outside my window seat that crooned to me and would not let me rest.

Moonrise, thoughtful eyes, staring back at me from the window beside

I hadn’t told Mason yet but I’d broken things off with Horace, my latest boyfriend, due to unsustainability. That means it wouldn’t, couldn’t, shouldn’t last.  I was more sure about the break-up than I’d ever been about the relationship. This was a good thing, a healthy thing. I should be happy.

I’m not in love, so don’t forget it, it’s just a silly phase I’m going through

I’ve done the right thing.

But on second thought I’ll turn a-round in my tracks

Oh my God, what have I done?

Stop! In the name of love before you break my heart

What if he was it? Maybe I should call him when we land.

It’s too late, baby, now it’s too late

Well, maybe it is, maybe it isn’t.

It was really great but it’s over

Who am I kidding. It was never great.

Tainted love, oh oh oh, tainted love

Enough already! Who asked you!

* * *

Once landed, I joined the herd of red-eyed passengers, fueled by excessive caffeine or alcohol, as we shuffled past the plasticine stewards and stewardesses on our way to the Vegas experience.

with looking-glass ties. Suddenly someone is there at the turnstile

When we could see the terminal from the tunnel, I kept my eyes open for Mason.

The girl with kaleidoscope eyes

That’s when I saw her.

Pretty woman walkin’ down the street, pretty woman the kind I like to meet

If ever there was such a thing as Cupid’s arrow, evolution must have pitched in and lent a hand because the modern version was more of an exploding grenade, and I was completely leveled.

Wipeout   

So shaken was I by the sight of her, I had to stop and seriously focus to really see her. She was all sensory and wistful perception and I was a shimmering hotwire just looking at her.

Lookin’ so crazy, your love’s got me lookin’, got me lookin’ so crazy in love

I approached slowly and, as she came into focus, I could see everything about her was soft. Her curves, her face, her aura. 

You shake my nerves and you rattle my brain, too much love drives a man insane

Looking at this woman was all I wanted. I felt deeply drawn to her as if she was there for me only, and that we already had a connection.  It was when I entered the terminal that I could see. . . Mason?

What kind of fool am I

I try to snap out of it, but when Jason grabs me in our traditional bear-hug, including the customary "Grrrrrr" as a means to claim each other as our territory, Mason is right on cue but my growl sounds more like gargling.

Mason releases me, laughing.

“Geez, Maise, have a couple on the flight?”

“Uh, no, I . . . well, yes, I . . .”

“Syl, this is the better part of me. This is Maisy.”

“Hi, Maisy,” Sylvia extends her hand.

“Ow!”

As our fingers touched, we both got shocked. You could hear it and I swore I could see the electricity pop. Then we really stared at each other.

“Whoa! Sparks flying? Now you know how I feel,” Mason said, laughing.

Sylvia broke into a wide grin.

“Is that all you have for luggage?”

“This is it.”

“Let’s go then.”

We’re off to see the wizard

* * *

During the drive to Mason’s house, now shared with Sylvia, I tried quieting my mind amidst Mason’s familiar banter. I only took in a fraction of it and I really had to fight not to drift too far away.

I’d never been in love, not really.

And then I saw her standing there, well, she looked at me and I, I could see

I knew that now.

That before too long, I’d fall in love with her

But this has to be some sort of mistake.  I have a long history with men.

I can bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan, and never never never let you forget you’re a man

I’ve never been attracted to a woman before.

I kissed a girl and I liked it, taste of her cherry Chapstick

Doesn’t count. That was in high school and Francine Gilroy raided her parents’ liquor cabinet and, after all, it was a slumber party.  

It felt so wrong, it felt so right

Arrgh! Anyway, nothing’s happened, nothing’s going to happen. This is just a whole lot of nothing I’m thinking.

Let it go! 

Please. Shut up.

* * *

I awoke the next morning and checked the clock to see if the light that had stirred me to consciousness was the sun or the moon.    

Good morning good morning, it’s great to stay up late, good morning good morning to you

4 a.m. Vegas time. This was the time I was accustomed to getting up back home. Still moon but not for much longer.

I’m being followed by a moon shadow

I sat up and looked around my brother’s guest room. I could remember when it was his “home gym,” consisting of various weights, towels, an exercise bike and a stack of men’s health magazines.

It’s the eye of the tiger

It had been transformed into a cozy second bedroom complete with bed, bureau, desk, chair. It was clean, comfortable and certainly not my brother’s doing.

Our house is a very, very, very fine house

After freshening up in the guest bath, I went to the kitchen. I knew Mason would still be asleep.

And then I saw her face

Breathe. It’s only her.  

Now I’m a believer

“Morning.”

“Mason said you’d probably be up early. I made coffee.”

Here comes the sun

“Great.”

“Sit.”

Doo-doo-doo-doo

The breakfast table was set for three.  I poured a cup of coffee for myself, spilling a bit of it before replacing the pot.

You date a girl and find out later she smells just like a percolator

“There I go.” I dabbed at the spot with a napkin. 

Sylvia leaned forward.

“Don’t give it a thought. Drink your coffee.”

She put a hand over mine to stop me.

See me, feel me. Touch me, heal me.

“Mason’s told me how close you two are. I was really looking forward to meeting you.”

Hello, I love you, won’t you tell me your name

I sipped my coffee.

“Sylvia, I have to be honest with you. Mason hasn’t told me much at all, other than you’re everything. I’m completely in the dark.”

“It just all happened so fast.”

Hello, I love you, let me jump in your game

“I figured something like that. Where’d you meet?”

Sylvia smiled.

“In line at Coffee Express. I was a few people behind Mason and our eyes met. I don’t know, it was sort of instant. You know?”

I kept silent.

Getting to know you, getting to know all about you

“He paid for my order before it was my turn. I went to thank him and that was pretty much it.”

I nodded.  

Getting to know you, getting to hope you like me

“Serendipity.”

“So you do know.”

“Beginning to.”

Putting it my way but nicely

We smiled at each other then.

You are precisely my cup of tea

“So, Sylvia, what’s on the agenda?”

“Call me Syl.”

* * *

The three of us spent that first day sightseeing. The walking was good for easing my jetlag. 

That evening Mason had to work. He was a dealer at the Venetian Resort casino, so Sylvia and I tagged along. I watched as Mason kissed Sylvia before heading to his table. They looked good together, I thought, finally having come around to a level of comfort with the situation.

“All right, you two. Remember I have an image to uphold around here, not to mention a livelihood.”

“Not to worry,” I said, “your secrets are safe with me.”

“Oh, no, they’re not!”

Sylvia grabbed my arm, blew a kiss to Mason and swept me away.  After being outfitted with a huge cup of coinage and another filled with Tequila Sunrise, we headed for the slots.

If you’re a strong female, you don’t need permission

“This is your most important choice of the evening.”

“What is?”

Girls just want to have fun

“Picking your machine. It could mean the difference between going home rich or poor.”

“What if I just leave right now?”

“What, and miss out on all the fun? Besides, you can’t win if you don’t play.”

It’s all about the game, the way you play it

“Why don’t I let you choose. You know more.”

“No, just because you’ve done something before doesn’t mean you know what you’re doing.”

Baby, I’m yours and I’ll be yours until the stars fall from the sky

“Then, you choose first.”

“Oh, my li’l darlin’ is right over here. Follow me.”

Hey li’l darlin’ oh li’l darlin’, oh ho where are you

The next aisle over, Sylvia went straight to a slot machine, set her cups into waiting holders, grabbed a couple disinfectant wipes for her hands and the machine. Only then did she throw her arms around it in greeting.

“How I’ve missed you.”

Ain’t no sunshine when you’re gone

I set my cups into the holders of the, thankfully, available slot machine next to hers.

“Want me to leave you two alone?”

She laughed and the hair on the back of my neck rose, tingling.

You’ve been thunderstruck yeah-yeah-yeah thunderstruck

“We are gonna have fun tonight!”

* * * 

In the first ten minutes of play, I was winning. I didn’t know how, I didn’t know how much, I didn’t really understand a winning combination from a loser, only that the noise, the lights, the energy the room generated made my drinks go down like juice. 

A waiter, who probably moonlighted as a Chippendales hunk, came by to see if we needed anything. You could have knocked me over with a feather, but Sylvia barely paid him any mind.

As a matter of fact, she rubbed my arm when she asked if I’d like another drink and looked right into me as I nodded.  She beamed at me as if I’d said something utterly brilliant and then ordered us another round.

This went on and on. We drank, we won some, lost some. And we laughed. I’d never felt so loose, so free, not for as long as I could remember.

Mason came by on his break.  He made a gallant attempt to cut through our inebriated pronouncements of Sylvia’s gambling finesse and my beginner’s luck being the winningest combination on the premises and, in the end, stood back staring at us like a bemused parent. Eventually he smiled, slightly shaking his head, and went back to work.

After some time had passed and I’d lost a couple rounds, Sylvia asked me if I thought we should quit while we’re ahead and cash in.

I stared at the pile of winnings before me. I knew what I should do, I knew the right thing would be to stop.

If this is wrong then I don’t wanna be right

“Let’s shoot the wad!” I shouted.

Syl stopped and looked at me. Before I knew what was happening, her lips were pressed on mine, her face, as soft as I’d imagined, her tongue like velvet. She had her hands in my hair and, as I responded to her touch, I could feel her pulse, and mine.  I’d never experienced anything so delicious.

I’ll never really know for certain how long the kiss lasted. In my mind, it didn’t matter. In my heart, it would never be long enough.  Funny thing is, maybe a song played. I can’t be sure. For the first time, I’d tuned it out. 

“I really think we should grab our profits and get out of here,” Sylvia breathed.

Come-on-a my house, I’m gonna give you candy

I nodded.

As we broke from each other to gather our things, I caught the eyes of a pair of older ladies, seasoned players with cups in one hand while they sipped a couple of Pink Squirrels from the other.

They stopped sipping long enough to give me winks and a knowing smile.

Baby, you're a firework

I turned back and quickly swept coins into my cup.

My god, we’re the show

* * *

In the taxi heading back to Mason’s . . . er, Mason and Syl’s house, Sylvia was busy texting Mason to tell him we were tired, we were going to take our winnings and run. Then she reached over and took my hand.

I looked in the driver’s rearview. His eyes met mine for a second and then veered back to the road.

“Syl?”

The first time ever I saw your face

“Hm-m?”

“I’m thinking . . .”

She was on me, this time rougher, commanding.  She had my face in her hands and there was urgency in this kiss. I was lost in it, as lost as any fugitive could ever hope to be. 

When she drew away, she found my ear and whispered.

“Don’t do that.”

I couldn’t anyway, considering I’d forgotten what we’d been talking about.

I ignored the taxi driver the rest of the way.

Might as well face it, you’re addicted to love

* * *

She attacked me again once the front door was closed and locked. Sylvia wouldn’t turn on any of the lights so that no one would see us.  We wound up falling more than once.  

Gradually we made our way to the guest room and collapsed on my bed. 

“What’s wrong?”

“You didn’t just ask me that.”

“But . . .”

“There’s a song I can’t get out of my head.”

“Can’t find the off switch?”

“Don’t have one.”

“What do you mean you don’t have one?”

I leaned back to see if she was serious.  She was. I leaned on an elbow.

“Mason didn’t tell you.”

“All right, the thrill is gone. Tell me what, Maisy.”

“I hear songs. In my head. All day, all night.”

“You mean just random tunes?”

“No, they tend to fit the circumstances I’m in.”

Sylvia was quiet.

“Assuming you’re not shittin’ me, what were you hearing, listening

to, just now?”

“Your Cheating Heart. What else?”

Sylvia sobered.

“Of course.”

“Listen, why don’t we talk about it in the morning?”

“Yeah, well, maybe you’re right.”

With that, Sylvia got up and walked to the door. She turned before leaving.

“This was a first for me, Maisy. It just seemed right. I can’t explain it.”

“It seemed so wrong, it seemed so right.”

“Good song.”

“So is Don’t Go Breakin’ My Heart.”

“There really is a song for everything, isn’t there?”

“Trust me, there is.”

Sylvia turned to go.

“What will you do now, Sylvia?” I asked, “about Mason, I mean.”

“I don’t know. I need time.”

But we will always know what we are: Unfinished business