Diary of an Insomniac

Dear diary,

                      People have told me to get more sleep…. if only that was that easy. I’ve been an insomniac for thirteen year now, my insecurities, and anxieties aren’t the only things keeping me up at night. It’s my worries about me trying to quit my job, even though I know that I’m fired, I need to pick up my pay check but it’s been almost 3 weeks, not only that  we all of humanity has to worry about a freaking pandemic! Fuck this pandemic! I sick and tired of this, I can’t go outside without something covering my face and fearing that I’m going to get this virus!

Anyways, regardless, I tried melatonin and that didn’t work. I would of tried therapy but I don’t have the money or insurance to see a therapist, but mean while my sister who hadn’t had a job for a while some how manage to find a counselor…but I digress. Anyways it’s passed….Shit! it’s already two?! It was 10 last time I checked.

           I stopped writing and tried to fall asleep. After what seems forever. I checked the clock again, it’s four.

Fuck, it’s four in the fucking morning!

           So I picked up my dairy right back up and continued.

           And now I can’t fucking sleep?! This is just fucking great! So my day is ruined. Well since I’m up I guess I could write about my worries. Well I guess:

I’m never going to married and some of my family want’s to see me with a boyfriend, except my aunt and my uncle.

I’ll be stuck with my uncle and grandma forever, due to finances.

I want to be a voice actress, and be a famous youtuber, but I everyone keeps bugging me and I can’t get shit done!

Shit I have dentil problems, and expenses.

I have det due to going to college, even though they didn’t help me what so ever.

And they want me to pay 8,000 dollars, which not only I’m making enough to live, but they took all my taxes twice and it really piss’s me off.

And this virus is literal Hell, staying Quarantine for a month with my family is like a death sentence.

My family is crazy, I’ve been saying I got to move, but I just lost my job that paid me little to nothing.

           I know I sound like a broken record, but if it wasn’t for AI and our last landlord, that fucking Cuntsmcgee!

           But’s that’s a whole other story…. well ok you twist my arm. Ok, this happened when I moved the third or fourth time, we moved out of my Grandmas house, and into an apartment with my mom. After we moved in I thought they would be cool… but I was wrong. They turned out to be the worst landlords I ever, and I thought my Uncle, and my Grandmother was bad, but they took the cake of landlords from Hell!

           Why are they the worst landlords in the world, I have to remind myself everyday what the did to us was unacceptable! Oh god I’ve became that lemon from adventure time. Focuses, and get a grip they were the ones that didn’t fix their shit, when you could have been working those days, they didn’t tell you or got rid of one of their tenants is a fucking thief! Oh, and not the fact that they had the audacity to buy another complex and moved their fucking office and failed to tell us, so we couldn’t make our payments! Then the last straw was they had the nerve to blame my dog bombing the yard, and it was my neighbor’s dog, because those are big bombs!

Then they finally gave me a letter stating that due to failing to clean my fucking dogs mess they were going to call the cops to take my dog away. Then they had the nerve to tow our car away without giving a notice. Then if that wasn’t bad enough, they gave us an eviction letter stating that we have 30 days to move and we had to go to court. And that’s when I lost it. We showed to court twice without the landlords(Pussies) and meet with their (Dick of) Lawyer (Fucking Weasel/rat face) and I don’t know why I knew he was going to be a cuntsmcgee , and I  was sick and I just lost it. We had to meet him twice, and I finally grew some balls and a spine to tell that fucker where he can stick it.

           After I was actually proud of myself. But event though we technically we could of stayed there for a whole month, but we wanted to get out of there, and for a good. And we left and went back to my grandma’s or should I say my uncle. The after six months finally got another job at a supper market as a bagger.  And after a year in a half I had to quit due to this fucking virus…..

           I looked up at the clock and it was 6 o’clock.

                      Son of a bitch! Why can’t I fucking sleep?!

           Then I herd one the four people that I live with was stirring. The walls are paper thin.  I can hear anyone though the fucking wall.

Like I said I need to move, I’ve been saying that for four years! Trying to move, my uncle gave me car, even though my other grandparents promised me a car, gave my sister a car. trying to keep up with my car payments, trying to keep up with my storage payment’s, and to top it off feeling like a loser that people can’t stand. But I hate feeling like this, why do I feel like people are against me?! I mean I’m a good person, I mean I’m not a saint but I’m not a horrible person.

           And I’m scared to go pick up my check from work because I’m afraid of what they’re going to say, I know that I’m fired, but my biggest fear is that they won’t give me my check and they would hate and judge me for leaving. Me I need to sleep, I wonder if yoga music might help me……

Then I closed my dairy and grabbed my phone and looked up meditation yoga music on youtube. After maybe five minutes I felt at peace, and fell asleep.