Stormvald

Master Agothe waved his arms and beckoned lightning to strike. As if waiting on his word, a fork of lightning was brought down from the heavens and struck a nearby oak tree. “Now that, young disciple is true magic at work, not that commoner’s play with cards,” he said chidingly.

“I was just having fun playing cards. Why do you have to turn everything into a competition? This is why no one else at the Academy wanted to be your disciple. You’re so goddamn lucky I was desperate enough to choose you,” replied Disciple Keddock, supremely exasperated with his master’s continued lack of reverence for the Arcane. 

“Humbug, you challenged me with your cards, and I felt the need to demonstrate my superiority as your Master, nothing more. As far as the second thing, a young mage like you should be far less witty and a bit more clever.”

“Those are the same thing, my oh-so-powerful and great master,” said Keddock, his tone dripping with sarcasm and his face twisted into a mocking sneer. If one looked deeper into his eyes, then they would see a dark resentment barely contained, Keddock was one of the brightest students at the Academy, and he had been foisted upon a constantly drunk half-dead Master that called the Arcane to win bar fights.

“No, being witty is knowing ‘what’ to say in any situation. Being clever is knowing ‘when’ to speak. Two entirely different things. For example, insulting someone who you just saw call down lightning at the wave of his hand would be a wonderful example of having wit but not being clever. Furthermore, profusely apologizing to said pseudo-god before he had the mind to disintegrate you would be an example of being profoundly witty and clever.” Agothe said with a surprisingly serious tone that shocked Keddock.

At this point, a smarter man would have prostrated himself before Agothe and begged for forgiveness, but Keddock was far too tired for any modicum of sense to take root in his brain. Going against his overwhelming urge to scream at Agothe, Keddock managed to stay completely silent, biting down on his tongue to keep himself silent.

“No apology then, huh,” Agothe said lazily, looking at his young disciple staring daggers into him, though looking was a stretch. Agothe was more looking through Keddock than actually at him, seeing through skin, bone, and all manners of flesh into the true core of his being. “Fine then, since you have disrespected me, I feel as if I am well within my rights to retest your discipleship.”

“What do you mean retest me? We’ve already walked 100 miles from the Academy, for God’s sake! For the love of all that is holy, could you be sane for 5 goddamn minutes!” 

“I will ask you 5 questions, and as long as you get three of them correct, you will be allowed to continue your discipleship,” said Agothe, not missing a beat, seemingly uncaring about Keddock’s whining. 

“My master is insane,” Keddock said on the verge of tears. However, despite everything, he was confident he could answer any question his master threw at him. Before his accident at the Academy, he was well-known for being far ahead of his peers. Whether it be Chemistry, Metallurgy, or Physics, he consumed subjects at an unprecedented rate, even at the Academy’s standards.

“One,” Agothe started before Keddock had any chance to refute further, “How far can a dove fly before it is shot down.”

The question was utterly preposterous; it dealt with thousands, if not millions, of unknowable factors that were impossible to calculate. The only obvious route was to answer it as a riddle.

“Until it encounters War,” Keddock was nervous as he spoke, doubt creeping into every corner of his voice. 

“Correct. Two, what is faster, a snail or a dog?” Agothe looked almost amused that Keddock had gotten the question correct, but his face remained as impassive as a stone.

This time feeling a bit more confident, Keddock said “snail,” utterly convinced it was a trick question. A dog was faster than a snail, but it was such an obvious fact that Keddock knew that there had to be a hidden turn in the question.

“Incorrect. Three, a king, a pauper, and a blind man have what three things in common.”

“They all have to eat, shit, and sleep.” This time, Keddock was confident beyond doubt in his answer because he had seen the same question in Vanity of Gods, an old comedic play written by some long-dead philosopher. 

“Correct. Four, How many kings does it take to reach an agreement.”

“Two,” said Keddock, convinced that the simple logic that it took two people to reach an agreement would hold.

“Incorrect, Kings never reach agreements; one always ends up devouring the others.” Agothe’s face shifted slightly from impassivity to disappointment. “Five, who is the greatest man alive.”

Keddock blanched. He honestly had no idea what to say. The problem with the question was that it had way too many possible answers; anybody from Arden the Conqueror to High King Axoll would be the greatest man alive, depending on the person asked. Keddock, despite his stellar self-control, started feeling tears curl around his eyes. He had worked so hard to get into the Academy and excel in his classes, and now his career as a magician would end before it began. All because he had the shitty luck to get a crazy man as a master. All because he couldn’t answer the most open-ended question to ever stain his ears. Resigning himself to his fate, he turned his head downward so Agothe couldn’t see his tears and said, “I don’t know.”

“Acceptable, the correct answer is me, Agothe Stormvald but ‘I don’t know’ is an acceptable answer.” Keddock buckled under the weight of the realization he was not going to fail. He wanted to sob and cry tears of joy, but before that, he had a burning question he wanted to ask Agothe.

“Master, why did you pick me.”

“Why do you think.”

“Is it because I summoned a demon during my Physics final”; the reason every master at the academy wouldn’t touch its brightest student during a ten-foot pole.

“Correct, because you accidentally summoned a demon during your Physics final.” An imperiousness in Agothe’s voice not often heard by Keddock gave him pause.

“But why, why would summoning a demon attract you when everyone else was ready to execute me for it.”

“Because you accidentally summoned it, and not just a lesser one either. You accidentally summoned a greater demon without even trying to. Any two-bit sorcerer can summon a demon, but to do it without even trying to is unprecedented, and that is why I wanted you as my disciple. I want to figure out how and why you have such a strong connection with the other side, and to do that I need you close to me.”

“Then what was the point of the questions? What was the point of walking for the past 100 miles? What was the point of making me think my future was doomed.”

“I thought it was funny.” With that, Agothe continued walking with Keddock in tow, headed in no particular direction and with no particular destination in mind. The insane master hummed a tune while he walked jovially, and the sane disciple got a little less sane with every step.