17 comments

Fiction Crime

The small, pink alarm clock chirped with great purpose, awaking Patty from blissful slumber. Radiating through her flowery room was golden sunlight, greeting Patty with its warm kisses. What a wonderful day it will be, thought Patty; for you see, it was her first day being a Junior in High School. 

Patty’s bathroom had flowers much like her bedroom, and she patted each one on the head as she strolled in. She turned on the shower after calling them by name, singing pleasantly as she went on her way. The water so warm seeped right to her soul, causing thoughts to dance in her head; like how lucky she was to have water so heated as it fell from the holes up above. In school, she had learned of little children in Africa who bathed in water so dirty. But guess what, not only that, the walk that they had would surely wear the feet off anybody! Oh yes, she was quite blessed, which she never took for granted. A nice, little thought her parents always taught that she looked upon often quite fondly.

She hopped on her bike, brand new from last Christmas, starting her journey to school. Once again, she thought, I’m so very blessed with how close I am to my school. When she arrived, she took out a piece of white paper, folded so nicely with care. You may think it silly since it wasn’t quite needed for if you watched Patty you would know; she plans and prepares for any new thing that waits on the upcoming road. English! Oh, joy! A subject adored, what a way to start a day.

The teacher introduced himself as Mr. Vizzier and ended his thoughts with a surprise. Pop quiz! He said, with a small little laugh and a smile that lit up the air. An audible groan filled the room with great speed, but to this, Patty did not contribute. Her happy, quaint smile was the draw in the room, luring in the eyes of her classmates so gloomy. Negative thoughts rose up from their young, growing minds, things most mothers would be quite sad for. That Patty, she’s too positive. This test, it’s because of her! Positive Patty strikes again! But Patty’s thoughts, much different, warded off those that seemed so vile. A test, oh good! Let me see what I know! I’m excited to learn on this first day of school!

A new pencil was grabbed from the front of her backpack, chosen in place of the pen. A wonderful tool that fixes mistakes, which Patty found utterly charming. The pencil was simple, not one to draw eyes, but to Patty it was something special. The hands that created and shaped the small stick worked hard to prepare it for her. How nice they are, to do such a thing, to give her the chance to grow smart. One day, she thought, she would like to go to the place where pencils are shaped and assembled. She’d thank the kind people who worked so hard to provide such a small, simple treasure.

The rest of the day was as great as the first, for the school day was full of fun. Patty was able to learn new things, what a wonderful blessing for her! The small simple matter of Tammy’s attempt to squash the joy from her soul was minor. Only God knows why she stuck that gum in Patty’s hair during the last class of the day. Such matters as these when someone’s displeased aren’t fun for all parties involved, and Patty is one to see the bright side of things since problems can be big or small. I’m sure the friends giggled in fear of their leader, for who knows what could happen to them. A mean, mean Tammy could be something to dread, but Patty was one to be better. Who knows what that Tammy faces at home, it must be worse than their fateful encounter. 

Patty had planned her route to go home quite a bit before this day. For some peculiar reason, almost unheard of, Patty decided to go astray. Perhaps I’ll stop at the local drug store to buy some flowers for mum. A nice, pleasant thought that young Patty had, what a delightful thing to do. Her mother would adore them so much, I’m sure, for roses and sweet peas smell lovely. 

So off on her way that Patty did go, skipping with vigor and youth. The old folks that sat on their porches that day had envious thoughts as she went. Oh, the joys of youth, how fast they do go, what it’d be like to live that again. 

The front door jingled as Patty walked in, an alarm to signal someone new. The young store attendant flashed a quick smile, for their duties were pressing that day. The store had five people, both young and old, making their way all through it. The flowers in back were prepared with much care, for they sold much better you see, if presented real pretty and arranged with much care for all those willing to see. The faint jingle that happened while Patty was browsing did not catch her attention at first, but the screaming that followed and panic and mayhem were sirens that won’t be ignored. The red-faced man that entered was hasty and quick, pointing his black, metal gun with purpose. The Money! He shouted, not minding his voice, caught the attention of all in that store. Give it now! In the bag! No funny business at all. I’m desperate and crazed right now! If anyone moves, they won’t live to regret the dumb thing that they think they might do.

The young, front attendant, quite frightened and scared, did his best to heed the commands. His fingers did fumble and bumble a bit, for what would you do in his stead? He gathered what money did lie in that drawer, not much but enough for the man. It would have gone smoothly if not for a gent that decided to play hero that day. Can you blame him? That gent. The one big and strong, who decided to save the day. He charged and they scuffled, a sight to behold, but it caused something unplanned to occur. Bang! Bang! Went the gun, two shots quick like that, rang the ears of bystanders around. It caused just enough time for the gunman to rise and make an escape quite rapid. 

Patty cautiously went to the front of that store when her legs allowed her to walk. The sight that displayed was grisly at best, not one that most would like to remember. For the young boy that fumbled and bumbled his best now laid in a large crimson puddle. Oh dear, thought Patty, what a terrible thing, an accident that hurts quite deeply. But something deep down in Patty’s young mind couldn’t help but to creep from inside. I’m glad it’s not me, oh yes, I’m so glad, for what would my parents think. A life is now lost, but not mine today, so I’ll make sure to not take mine for granted.

August 12, 2021 05:34

You must sign up or log in to submit a comment.

17 comments

Milicent Kaimuru
11:53 Aug 19, 2021

I really liked this, I couldn't help but drop what I was doing as soon as I read the first sentence. Really great work, I've learnt a lot from you.

Reply

Riley B.
19:36 Aug 19, 2021

Thank you, Milicent! Glad I could provide some short entertainment :)

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Francis Daisy
21:20 Aug 12, 2021

Riley, Your story reads almost in iambic pentameter - it has a certain rhythm to it that lulls the reader in and makes them want to read it out loud. Do you write a lot of poetry? What an amazing story to be able to write like this! WOW! You are talented! -Amy

Reply

Riley B.
05:21 Aug 13, 2021

Thanks Amy, this was a kind compliment! I do write poetry on occasion, and I’ve always loved reading my children books that rhyme. I’ve always thought it interesting when things childish in nature are used as horror elements, and I thought I’d give it a shot. It was challenging but very rewarding to write.

Reply

Francis Daisy
11:07 Aug 13, 2021

Riley, So you must LOVE Roald Dahl's books? Have you ever read his "Revolting Rhymes"? Those are THE BEST! Horrible and terrible, but hysterical and funny too! :)Amy

Reply

Riley B.
21:00 Aug 17, 2021

Yes, I definitely enjoy Roald Dahl! I love his ability to make things horrible, yet charming at the same time.

Reply

Francis Daisy
21:19 Aug 17, 2021

WOW! I don't find many others who also share in my love for the Revolting Rhymes! Yay!

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Tommie Michele
05:31 Oct 13, 2021

Riley, your words are so poetic and flow so nicely! The concept of Patty's toxic positivity was intriguing to begin with, but the last three lines really shook me--your ending definitely took a dark turn and I loved it. I can't wait to read more of your writing! --Tommie Michele

Reply

Riley B.
13:43 Oct 13, 2021

Thank you for your kind words, Tommie!

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Kendall Defoe
03:09 Aug 20, 2021

Clever and disturbing. I think I want to read a lot more from you...

Reply

Show 0 replies
Dee Wes
02:41 Aug 19, 2021

Patty made me laugh, surely, at the end of this delightful story. With this story, you managed the prompt well....crafting a character such as Patty. This piece moved nicely as it was read. The robbery was a balanced dynamic that presented a well composed work of art. *Appreciated*

Reply

Riley B.
19:37 Aug 19, 2021

Thanks, Dee! Appreciate the kind response.

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Tanisha Kumar
05:01 Aug 14, 2021

Wow! The story had me hooked right from the start, and the concept is so unique!

Reply

Show 0 replies
Erin F
18:04 Aug 12, 2021

Oh boy do I love a nice dark twist! Your story is so saccharine sweet to start and I would have been violently angry had that not been resolved. At first Patty just seems like an unusually grateful child, equal parts endearing and obnoxious, a great example of "toxic positivity." But her reaction to the murder is straight up sociopath! I feel like if we could follow Patty for the next few years we would see her evolve from not just seeing other people's misery as a reason for feeling grateful, but to taking delight in other people's pain. As...

Reply

Riley B.
05:28 Aug 13, 2021

Thanks for this thoughtful analysis Erin! Toxic positivity is definitely an interesting concept due to its seemingly oxymoronic nature. As I wrote this story I felt more paranoid as I developed Patty’s character which is one of my favorite things about writing. I love when characters come to life. Thanks again!

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Keya Jadav
06:11 Aug 12, 2021

It's a very nice story. I loved the way you portrayed the positive aspect of the little things and their beauty. Appreciable story! Keep writing.

Reply

Riley B.
05:29 Aug 13, 2021

Thanks Keya!

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply