Maybe everything is fine

Prompt: Start your story with a character looking out of a window in the middle of the night. 

I stare at the silhouettes of the trees swaying like choir students. All my roommates lay in beds as still as the silent air. I open the window to let the night pour in. A gentle breeze brushes my unfinished homework littered on my lap. Anticipation sulks over my skin, numbing the time away. The faint glow of the moon is creeping into the west window view. The breeze weaves through the tree trunks causing whistles, chirps and whooshes to whisper in the serenity of the forest. Even the fresh air cannot clear my thoughts.  “Hey…Tori.” Life eagerly floods into my mind at the sound of his gentle voice. His black army boots crush the dried mulch sprinkled on the dirt. “Doing homework?” His smirk forces my cheeks red, “Yeah. I kinda got distracted.” “I see that.” The silence blushes. “Ok. Which do you think is harder: a plank on your elbows or hands?” Oliver attracts my attention, “Hands.” “Why’s that?” “Because all your weight is focused on the palm of your hand. What do you think?” “Elbows are harder.” Oliver replies. He continues, “Because… there is more sky falling on you.” He gazes diagonally up as I giggle. “I think that is gravity pulling you down. The sky doesn’t fall. At least I hope it won’t.” “How is school going?” He asks. “Feels like a prison, but I’m managing. I can’t wait for summer.” I am not managing at all. I have an addiction to make an effort to be this smart girl around him. “Pfft. Well that's about 9 months away. Maybe get to know your new roommates.” "Maybe everything will turn out fine."

The night lightly mists into dawn. I observe Oliver retreat into the thickness of the woods. Miniature fantasies fabricate from the words in my textbook. As the memories replays themself, I somehow spot the over exaggerated imperfections in our conversation. I know this is unreasonable, I should be satisfied with myself, but I can not shake the unanswered questions of What if I said something else? 

Focusing on school was the last thing I wanted to do, yet here I am, getting help from Ivy. Ivy is so blunt, inconsiderate and strangely intelligent. She is only a year younger than me, but she seems further ahead in life than me. I always need help, even on an essay about social media. My attention is like a butterfly, it flies out the window towards its interests. 

“Oliver… I’m sucking at school.” “Same. At least you can get a good mark.” The lightness in the mood is tempting me to match my response with such humor. I eliminate the emotion in my face and morph them into seriousness. “I need to attend all classes. If I don’t, I might need to re-do this year and last year was hard enough.” I over-pronounce the word need. The disappointed glance Oliver wears drains happiness. “So what are you proposing?” “I… don’t know.” I admit. The time is irrelevant, the seconds are in an uneven timeline. “Maybe we should only see each other on Fridays?” Betrayal is written on his face, I cannot stand to see him in pain. “Okay. That is fine with me. I should probably sneak out less often.” After the painful moment is the relief, “If only my school didn’t have curfew.” “Yeah.” I’m speechless at the awkwardness.

 “Before you go, I just want to say; what if everything turned out fine?” “I’m fine,” “No, you're not. I know this is hard, but I need you to at least understand- no, respect my decision.” He is in tears, “I would literally sacrifice anything for you. Why don’t you get that? You light up my world. You're like an addiction. Can you try to appreciate everything I have done for you?” Oliver’s voice was cracking, mine was broken. A few hours earlier, I was rehearsing my explanation and planning out each response to whatever he threw at me. Nothing could have prepared me for that. I felt the intensity break into heartache. “Things would have turned out simple if you hadn’t noticed me.” That ripped my heart right out my chest. I take it back. I never intended to break him. The next thing that flashes into consciousness is Oliver disappearing. 

“So who was that?” Ivy’s sharp voice stabs my mental wounds. “That was Oliver.” I try to compose myself despite her vicious attitude. “Well Oliver sounded like he’s overdramatic.” Bitterness rolls off her tongue. My heart and brain has just been shattered by jugement. I strongly dislike Ivy and we have only known each other for a month. “What’s going on here?” Daniella, Dani, shifts from her slumber. I always admire her, even with her obsession for a relationship, she is always patient and her heart never runs out of love. Dani is concerned, “Tori, what's wrong?” I realize the steady stream of tears on my face. The stack of papers clatter onto the floor as I stand up. I stroll with slight urgency out of the door like a character exiting a dramatic scene from a movie. 

I am unsure what is more upsetting: Ivy’s comment or Oliver and our breakup. Can two people break up if they were never together? I just asked for a break. My mind is fried from trying to make sense of this mess. I always blinded myself, avoiding these pessimistic thoughts. Pondering to me is dangerous; as harmless as the opening thought is, it will lead to procrastination, not “living in the moment”. I need to drain out my thoughts, but with whom?

The week drags on without events as I wait for today, friday. The week drags on as I avoid Ivy. As much as I appreciate the effort Dani makes, I refuse to talk with Ivy. I wish I wasn’t horrible at essays because then I could get Ivy to help me. There is not even a fraction of a percentage I’m reaching out to her in this mood. The fact that she is right bothers me like a pebble in my shoe. “Hey Tori, sorry for yesterday.” Ivy peers into my eyes full of shock. “Okay. Thank you.” She leaves. I know that Ivy is trying to be better and she talks without thinking, but shouldn’t I feel satisfied? I am unsure what I feel. Was that sincere or did Dani convince her to apologize? Maybe things will get better between us. Maybe they won’t and we will have to spend many years as roommates who cannot stand the sight of each other. Maybe everything will turn out fine.

“I was so worried you wouldn’t come!” my hair blows with the night’s whistling wind. “I wouldn’t miss it for the world.” Oliver’s tone is off. As he became my world, I forgot what reality was like without him. Maybe he is unsure how to act around me. I decided to break the silence, “I’m sorry I-” “Before you say something, I prepared a speech. All I want is for you to listen.” I’m thrilled that someone thought I was worth preparing a speech for, even if this might not be the most cheerful. 

His breath puffs into the midnight sky, “I apologize for leaving you, that was super irresponsible of me, but keep in mind that what I said came from hurt. We all have things to learn, problems with no solutions. Acception. I must accept your decision. I now realize how hard it must have been for you to ask for a break and I was being selfish. I'm sorry.” Oliver unfolds a slip of paper from his pocket, “Going into this beautiful mess is like planting a seed: you know it will grow and blossom, but soon come to the realization that it might not survive the harsh winter nights.” He pauses to smile before scanning the scribbles. “I respect you and I will not force you to skip classes, nor encourage you… I guess. I forgot that you need to concentrate on school. And I feel really bad for yesterday.” 

“This is literally the best thing anyone has ever said to me. And I guess it's my turn. Yesterday was brutal, and I just really want to keep you in my life but I cannot afford to retake the year. And thank you so much for that beautiful speech. I am impressed.” “It took me so long to write that. And memorize on top of that.” “But you read the last half of your speech from paper.” Our connection even’s out and everything's back to normal, despite Oliver and I seeing each other a little less often. 

What if everything turned out fine? Well, it did.