Erased

Somehow, my mind was erased that morning, and in my brain’s connections even the memory of the existence of "that morning" is not likely possible. I have been detained in a clinic for five days under police surveillance, and it seems that everything incriminates me, but there is no particular reason to consider myself guilty of something, because I could be the only surviving victim of the still mysterious event that took place that Friday morning.

The investigators in charge of the case have suspected that I am playing innocent by faking amnesia, however, I think that losing my memory has offer them someone to blame for the disappearance of those involved, if there is any, because my mind still shakes even of my own existence.

According to the authorities in an attempt to reconstruct the events that occurred on the day in question and to satisfy the information and media demand that arose from the case, they stated as follow: Nine days ago, on a Friday this July, 6 men departed from the city towards the mountain. The ex-wife of one of them was the one who processed the complaint the next Monday, finding strange that Jefferson, her ex-husband, had not returned by Saturday, being the birthday of the son they had in common. Even stranger seemed to her that the last photos he had published in the WhatsApp stories were on Friday and since then just nothing, he never answered or read her messages, nor did he answer her calls, she neither detected any other activity in his instant messaging application. In the last photos that he published, as she recalled, the man posed on the banks of a river with five men whom he described as "buddies." Elizabeth knew that the blonde guy in the photos, Albert, was his current partner, Jefferson was openly bisexual and they both had a love relationship that had lasted more than 4 years until then. In the picture she recognized Elvis, that would be, me. According to her, whom I do not know in person, Jefferson, Albert and I are very good friends, she also deduced it from the publications on her ex-partner’s social networks, and because at some point they would have mentioned me on their conversations. But I repeat, we have never met in person, before or after the events, and this statement is her testimony and not mine; it would be truly illogical to believe such a statement to a man who does not even remember his own age.

The other three men, whom she did not know, were identified thanks to the photos extracted from my cellphone and later published in the news, thus they found relatives of two of them. One, Jonathan, the other, his romantic partner, Johan. The twin of the second appeared soon looking for her "sister" and yes, she always referred to her twin as her sister, she did not accept that "Gabriela" after years of hormonal treatments and physical operations was now him. Since then, Johan would have been the victim of harassment and misgendering by his own twin sister, even, at some point during the interrogation, she assured that what happened to Johan was a punishment from God for daring to attempt against divine and natural laws, she also expressed his direct hatred towards me and his brother-in-law. I insist, I do not remember her, nor the four men.

Nor do I remember the fifth of them, Julian, apparently the youngest of the six involved, although he appeared in the photos on my cell phone, no evidence was found of having previously met the other five. His family did not appear despite the request for information made through the media; his name was only known from a message in which, from my phone, I informed the others that I would be accompanied by this new person. In the local news, he was treated as my "date”. My photograph had not yet been revealed, I was considered the suspect of a crime, possibly of a multiple murder, but as "suspect" they would have decided to protect my identity until confirming my guilt of whatever had happened. As for me, my sister and only relative, as I was informed, was out of the country and would not return for another week.

News headlines were on the lookout for the tragedy in which "three gays, one bisexual and one transgender" remained missing, possibly killed by a fourth gay man, who remained in hiding but under arrest and medical care after suffering from amnesia because of a strong blow to the head, which had not only caused him a strong concussion but had even erased his name from his own mind. The attention devoted to our case had even overshadowed and put the escape of a group of inmates from the state prison on the second page: one of the transports overturned on the road, leaving 6 prisoners, 1 police officer and its driver, dead in the incident. The recent capture of the inmates would have contributed to calm attention to the event already resolved.

Representatives of the LGBTQI+ community stood by for peaceful protests and vigils demanding the recovery of the bodies of the five men. Opinions were divided into two, those who were in favor of my guilt and those who claimed that I was innocent. The interviews offered on TV by representatives of all the groups that looked after gender equality heated up as the days passed, the controversy seemed to force the authorities to speed up the investigations but they were unsuccessful. The relatives of the men were forced to close all the social networks of their disappeared relatives, at least temporarily, because, since my name had not been identified or revealed, the tabloids, reporters and any ordinary citizen had given themselves the task of stalking the profiles of the 5 guys trying to identify any man who appeared in their publications as the aggressor of Jefferson, Albert, Jonathan, Johan and Julian, in short, they were looking for me. Everything was a disturbing and distressing mystery that seemed to be hidden in my mind, but my memories did not return, my life was alien to me, I did not even feel homosexual but how would I know? Everything was erased, my life seemed to have started that Monday when I was found unconscious on the banks of the river.

That Monday in question, when they started the search, they found me almost immediately. My body was right where we would have said we would go, on the banks of the river. All our belongings were there, the backpacks, the clothes, the food even, the only thing missing were the cellphones of the disappeared, except for mine, which only had a few photos, and in none of them I appeared, possibly because I had taken the pics. My body was face down, bloody, the wound in my head seemed to have been infringed days before, and the reason why I did not move from the place, and by mere supposition, was the weakness; the blow should have left me deranged, unconscious for hours, then when I woke up, I didn't have enough strength to walk, so I stayed there, who knows for how long, until I collapsed again. According to the doctors, that would be the cause of the memory loss.

Apart from the blow in my head, no trace of violence was found in the place, they considered the possibility that the confrontation or what had happened, took place elsewhere and I was trying to get to the river to get rid of the belongings of the others, a not very absurd conjecture, but I insist, I do not feel like this happened at all. During the nights, in dreams, my mind tried to explain the events, but in my mind the accusations of others seemed to be recreated: I saw myself dragging bodies, hitting them in the face, undressing them, at some point I received a blow to the head, I turned, I found myself, yes, I confront myself, then I fell, collapsed to the ground, and while I died I was dragged by my other self. One night I felt so trapped in my misery that only the murmurs of the guards commenting on the cremation of the dead and disfigured convicts of the prison would have occurred that same day.

The week passed and my sister returned from her trip, my mind was still blank, the clues about the whereabouts of the five disappeared were almost nil, and except for me they had nothing at all. The newscasts reflected the faded hopes of rescuers to find any of the men alive, and I had become the enemy of the city, I was the monster that had killed five men. The tragedy had awakened empathy for my friends who had ceased to be "One bisexual, three gays and one transgender" to become "A surgeon, a dentist, a filmmaker, a model, and a pediatrician" and had aroused hatred and rejection towards me, but everything was about to change.

My sister could be the connector between my amnesia and my reality, maybe she would make me react. For the first time since I was admitted to the hospital they would allow me to have contact with a familiar face, until then only the doctor, a nurse, a defense attorney, a detective and some police officers had been in direct contact with me. I have to confess it, I was anxious, I longed to be able to remember, to wake up from this nightmare even though I might not like the memories at all.

When my sister finally entered the room where I was handcuffed to the stretcher, I noticed her so oblivious to my existence that the illusion vanished instantly.

- Can you explain what happens here detective? - The woman reacted when she saw me.

- What do you mean? - Limited the man.

- That man is not my brother. That man is not Elvis. Where's my brother? - She groaned almost in panic.

That discovery triggered a sequence of discoveries in me. When I confirmed that I was not Elvis, everything made sense.

I remembered my cellmate, I remember the bus overturning, I remember how the guard and the driver were strangled, I remembered the other five fugitives, we, I, devised the plan when we ran into those six men in the river, we knew they would look for us until we were incarcerated again, and yet those six men in the woods offered us time. We murdered them, we disfigured them, we changed clothes, we left them near the bus, we fled, but they abandoned me. The man I had been confused with all this time would have hit me in a final attempt to defend himself, and my body would collapsed later as we searched for freedom.

Now, I was trapped, but I had to fake amnesia, the men's bodies would never appear, the guards said so, they cremated them all. There are no bodies, I must feign insanity, I must keep my mind blank at least as long as I can escape this hospital.