HOPEFUL NEW YEAR

Trigger warning: suicide ideation

Chilling wind mercilessly cut through his skin as he stood on the rusted metal railing of conovan bridge. The river beneath was rolling in anger splashing it’s icy cold water. The barren sky showed broken pieces of his life. Tears were burning his eyes. This was it. A hurricane of emotions was blowing inside him. The broken pieces inside him could no longer be held together. Scars of a wounded heart covered his face. Chocking on his own breath, he looked down at the angry river. History was going to repeat itself. He remembered the promises he made to his mother on the day his father jumped off the very same bridge.Promises stabbing his heart right now. 

The pain was soaking in to his bones.

10 seconds to the next year. The world looking forward to a better brighter year.

The countdown begins...he closed his eyes.

10 ..

He counted with them. 

Torn bits of every memory started floating  in front of his eyes. 

Lying on his mother’s lap ..safe and free..listening to endless stories .. looking at the beautiful bright sky. Days filled with joy and warmth of a loving family. His childhood was filled with the smell of freshly baked cookies and warm sun kissed yard with swings, slides and trampoline. Walls of his home filled with happy frames and laughter.. birthdays .. thanksgiving...Christmas.. there was always a reason to celebrate life.. 

9..

It was the year 1998 .. he was in high school .. the time when his life was shaken to the core for the first time.It was New Year’s Eve.He was home with his mother when the dreadful phone call came...His father  had killed him self..It was unbelievable.How could such a buoyant person do something like this. .. as the years passed .. layers of his father’s life began to unfold and his question was answered. His father had made many bad choices over the years that his death was the only way to save the family from being homeless. His mother was devastated but he promised  to always be by her side and never let anything hurt her ever again

8..

College.. friends.. first crush..  his life changed but not easy. He worked part time and lived off food banks but he started feeling happy again.. Finally, the day he graduated.. he saw his mother beaming with joy.. her proud heart filled her eyes flowing down her cheeks.. washing his tired soul. Life was about to get better .. good days were ahead.

7...

All his hardwork paid off . He got his dream job.Work life was nothing like he had imagined. New city.. new friendships.. it couldn’t be more perfect..  he met the love of his life.. the most amazing woman he had ever met. She was smart ,kind and loving. Falling in love was magical..his life felt like a slice from some fairy tale. 

6...

His life turned upside down again.. he could see himself driving home and then the next second  all he could remember was a loud noise and everything changed. From a healthy young man to a physically handicapped person.Surgeries ,medications and heavy hospital bills drowned his life. His dream job was gone but he had the love of his life next to him standing strong as a pillar. 

5..

Bills piling up.. more doctors.. more treatments.. and finally being able to stand up on his own. He had to settle

for a less paying job and slowly life was coming back to normal.. or so he thought.. a few months later his mother was diagnosed with cancer.

4...

Between more bills piling up and two unsatisfying tiring jobs.. his wedding was nothing close to a dream. But standing next to the woman he loved made even the court house wedding perfect. Days stretched in to months with his new life and recovering mother. Life felt blessed and beautiful again when his wife became pregnant.

3..

All the troubles felt like affairs of the past as the thought of being a dad filled his heart. He felt stronger and weaker at the same time. A new ray of hope filled his life after a very long time.. but life happened again and a pandemic spread around the world..His mother’s treatment had to be postponed. A few months later his wife caught the virus.She fought for months but last week she was put on a ventilator. 

 2..

Just like millions around the world he lost his job. The hospital called.. “we will have to take your wife off the ventilator as the due date for payment has passed and we are running short of equipments and beds in the ICU. “

 That was the last straw..the thought of not being able to save his family was unbearable. This must be how his father felt. Now it was understandable.

He looked down at the icy cold water and counted

1...

Suddenly he felt strong force from behind as if someone pulling him down.. he fell back on the bridge hitting his head on the hard stone sidewalk. He sat up and looked around. Blindening colors lit up the sky.. he heard distant sounds of crackers and people cheering welcoming the new year. Still shocked he kept looking around but there was no one. As he struggled to stand up he noticed a torn piece of an old newspaper stuck between the railing struggling against the wind.He leaned over and grabbed it.. the faded prints were hardly visible except the boldly printed Happy new year sign from some old advertisement. As he sat on the cold pavement breathing heavily when his cell phone rang. It was from the hospital.. his wife was taken off the ventilator but she was breathing on her own.. she survived..they said  that she would continue to receive care as due date was near and that he could come see her. It was unbelievable. The misery and pain began fading away and his heart filled with gratitude. He looked down at the piece of paper in his hand. It was dated 31/12/1998.