A Thousand Grains Of Sand

I turn down the music as I approach the parking lot, eyes scanning for the nearest spot. I park and turn off my car, but don’t get out.

I’m not sure I’m ready.

Then again, I don’t think I ever will be. 

With a sigh, i get out of my car, shoving my phone into my hoodie pocket. This beach was a special place for my family and I. We went every chance we got, and I’d practically grown up here. Every grain of sand held a memory of mine, from the moment I could form memories to now. I had a necklace with sand from this beach, my twin brother had made it himself, and had counted out 1,000 grains of sand; one for every visit I had made with him and my dog, Daisy.

I have to fight back tears as the thought of why I’m really here comes to mind again. I take a deep breath and look out at the horizon as the sun begins to kiss the water. I close my car door and walk along the sandy path towards our usual picnic table. The ocean air tousles my long blue and purple hair in its ponytail and I let it out to fall around my shoulders. The scent of chocolate ice cream comes to rest inside my nostrils, drifting over from the boardwalk a few hundred feet away and I bite the inside of my lip as I’m hit with another reminiscence.

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“Courtney! Matthew!” Mom calls and gestures for my brother and I to come sit. We’re out in the waves, taking turns wiping out on Matt’s surfboard he got for christmas. The wipeouts aren’t intentional, but we also don’t complain, laughing as we come up from the water. I grin at my brother and take off running towards our table

“Race ya to Mom!” I cry and he snatches up the string to his board, running after me, “I’m gonna win!” I sing.

“Winner gets first dibs on corner pieces!” Matt passes me and I shriek in laughing indignation. I put on an extra boost of speed and jump to reach our beach blanket, but my foot catches a flip flop and I tumble to a stop by my Mom’s feet. She smiles and helps me up as I laugh and brush sand off of my semi wet body. She hands us towels and we drape them around ourselves, coming to sit as she pulls out an ice cream cake and lights the candles.

“Happy birthday Coco!” Mom smiles and I blow out the 11 candles. ‘Happy Birthday Courtney!!’ Is spelled on my cake in beautiful blue writing. I tug my towel tighter around myself as my bob-cut hair tickles my chin.

“Make a wish! Make a wish!” Matt says and I close my eyes, wishing hard that I can finally get a dog.

“What’d you wish for, Coco?” Mom asks and I grin

“A puppy!” I pronounce proudly, as if saying so will speak it into being.

“Can we eat cake?” matt asks, and I look to my Mom expectantly, 

“Ooh yeah! Cake!” I look eagerly at the blue-frosted cake, wanting the chocolatey goodness within.

“Of course, but make sure you two hooligans leave some for dad,” She says as I pick up the knife and cut Matt and I each an eighth of the cake. We scarf it down and then drop our towels.

“Can we go back and play now? Please?” I ask excitedly, wanting to try and finally catch a wave before it gets dark and Mom says no more surfing.

“Yes, but remember that Dad is bringing your gift, so come back when he gets here, okay?”

“Kayloveyoubyeee!” I practically create a new word as I turn and rush towards the waves, Matt hot on my tail. We dive into the water, enjoying the late-august sun and heat the air still holds. The chocolate is smeared on my face, I’m sure, because I can smell it as I come up from the water, giggling maniacally.

Roughly 20 minutes pass, and I hear a honk. I look to the parking lot as the old, beaten family Kia comes to park and my dad gets out. He walks around to the passenger seat and pulls out a large box, walking towards us. Matt and I rush towards the shore, equally excited to see what I’m getting and come to a stop by the table, where Mom is slicing him a heaping quarter of cake. He sets it down and it wiggles a little. I turn my head to the side, inspecting it as he takes the plate and kisses Mom.

“Ewwwww! Dad!” Matt exclaims and I laugh. Dad takes a bite of the cake.

"happy Birthday Kiddo," he smiles

“Can I open it? Can I? Can I?” I practically vibrate with excitement, bouncing up and down.

“Go ahead,” Mom smiles and I sling the lid off. A small puppy looks up at me, large brown eyes questioning. She tilts her head to one side and barks shrilly, once. I lose my mind as I scoop her up, “A puppy!!! I love her! She’s so cute!!!!” The puppy looks at me, then attacks my face with hundreds of kisses and I giggle.

“What are you going to name her?”

“Uhhhhhh…. I look down at her and think of the seventy-thousand different things I like, “Daisy!” I decide on my favourite flower.

“I like it,” Mom says and I set Daisy down, kissing her little black nose. She's a bulldog, so her face is all crunched in and it makes me giggle, "why don't you guys go play?" mom asks and i nod.

"yeah! let's go!" matt says and nods towards the pier.

“Come on Daisy!” I cry and we take off towards it, laughing as she runs after us.

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I finally reach into my hoodie pocket and pull out daisy’s collar, sitting by the shore. Tears come to my eyes and finally I let them fall as I remember my best friend, and my baby.

“Love you daisy,” I whisper, looking to the horizon while the sea swallows the sun, lighting the sky on fire. My hand goes to my necklace as the sun disappears like a sinking ship, thinking of the thousand grains of sand.

A thousand memories of Daisy, and now one without her.