Heaven INC.

“Let there be light.” 

The building’s fluorescent lights flicked on and illuminated all. It was the first day of a new venture, and excitement reverberated throughout the office space. He walked through the rows of perfectly aligned cubicles surveying his employees. Each was righteous and fair in their own right. They fluttered about the office, busy with their tasks, leaving feathers floating through the air. He’d not bother them for he had his own imperative tasks to complete. He took his place at the head office where he could see and hear all of their comings and goings. 

In his office all things were at peace. Papers were piled neatly on the left of his desk, the office phone to the right, and a picture of his son sat square in the middle. He leaned back in his cloud-like chair content looking at his kingdom through the transparent doors. Time passed, the sky and seas were born, mountains rose, plants blossomed, animals burst into creation, and man was born. It was long tedious work, but it was righteous and fair, and he was proud.

When he finally saw fit to rest he closed his eyes for what seemed like somewhere between one second, and one thousand years. They opened to see an unusually frantic Michael entering his office. He was finest and chief among the employees so if he was worried something terrible had happened.

“She bit the apple, sir.” Michael’s voice was regal even in panic. It matched his status and stature. As did the solid gray suit and jacket combination that he donned for work. His wings poked through the back of the garment loosely as if he still wasn’t comfortable with the choice of clothing.

“What? Who? What?” He knew instantly, but had to ask anyway. 

“Eve, sir. She bit the apple.” Michael repeated. 

A long sigh of frustration followed the confirmation. Elbows braced against the desk as he looked to Michael who’d moved away from the doorway to stand on the right hand side of the desk. “Why would she do that?” 

“She was coerced.” That last word came from Michael’s lips slowly and cautiously.

“Coerced? Coerced by who? Adam?” Adam seemed the logical choice. They were the only two humans on the whole of earth. If not him then…

“Lucifer.” Michael answered. His face matched the solemnness of the answer. 

A sigh longer than the first ensued. “How did he even get into the garden? Wait, let me guess…”

“Disguised as a snake.” They both answered the question at the same time. 

“Maybe we shouldn’t have fired that guy. He’s got a real bone to pick now. Even started that whole rivaling company.” 

“Sir, he was quite literally evil.” Michael said in his always firm, but respectful tone. 

“Yeah, I know.” It really was a shame. The boy had been so bright and magnificent before his fall from grace, and exit from the company. 

“So what are we going to do about the whole apple debacle?” 

“Exile Eve — Adam too — from the garden.” 

“That’s a bit harsh isn’t it, sir?” 

“Listen, Michael, I gave them one rule and they broke it. It’s been a really long week for me, and I have no time for nonsense.”

“Week? Sir we’ve only been operating on this project for a day.” His genuine confusion was evident in his words and the raising of his brow.

“Michael, I’m a higher level being — even beyond your comprehension. I experience time simultaneously day by day, and all at once. For me it’s both Sunday — my one off day, mind you — and Armageddon.” 

“Sir,” A quiet moment of reflection and sympathy filled the absence of words. Michael softened for a moment. His gaze fell down to match his employer who remained seated. “Isn’t that exhausting?”

“From my perspective you’ve asked me that question every day for a millennium.” His eyes darted away from Michael as he avoided answering the question earnestly. It was a fruitless conversation.

An abrupt ring from the phone interrupted the exchange. Michael opened his mouth to speak, but the phone cut him off again. A brief nod of resignation was given and he left the room. 

The phone call was business of course. Though with Michael’s interruption he was already behind on attacking the stack of documents that had always seemed to pile too high on his desk. Well he was an omnipotent being, he could multitask. 

“So the flood was successful? I was a bit worried, but Noah really came through.” A stamp punctuated the statement. More followed as he listened to the other end of the call.

“I thought gathering two of every animal would be tricky, but he managed it.” A stamp of approval here. Denial there. 

“Wait, what do you mean he missed a few? Who?” He waited for the other end to answer while his hand moved in a machine-like fashion. Approved. Denied. Denied. Approved. 

“The dragons?! The unicorns?! The platypuses?!” The shock was enough to cease his stamping for only a moment. 

“Oh wait, he got the platypuses? Yeah that’s fine. I’m sure the future humans won’t even care.” 

The moment the call ended, or perhaps sometime before, or a short time after there was another in his office. It was the messenger boy whose name no one quite remembered. Most just called him Angel of the Lord. His presence was a reminder that all knowing didn’t translate into all remembering. The boy was smaller in stature than Michael, but carried that same sense of respectfulness. He was clearly excited to speak, but waited to be addressed. A wave of the hand gave him the permission he sought. He moved into the room, but stood directly in front of the desk, not daring to get any closer.

“Thank you for the approval of the proposal, sir! Moses successfully crossed the Red Sea.” His voice was as energetic as the rest of him. A bright yellow pinstripe suit matched the energy as well. He seemed made for the outfit unlike Michael who only wore his out of duty.

“No problem. Crossing the sea was the least complicated part of the entire ordeal. They just needed like a boat, right? Easy.” 

“Indeed sir, but after the plagues I thought a boat would be too mundane. We needed something flashier and that’s why you approved of my proposal right.”

Concern crept in. 

“Yeah… what exactly was your proposal again, Mich… Gabr… Angel of the Lord.”

“Parting the Red Sea, sir!” Angel of the Lord said these words excitedly, eagerly, and completely ignorant of the absurdity of the notion. 

“Like splitting the water down the middle, and allowing them to walk across.?” He asked the question he already knew the answer to with a furrowed brow.

“Yes, sir!”

Fingers interlocked, as elbows dug into the desk, and concerned eyes glanced up at the boy. “Moses didn’t do that whole Gandalf thing with his staff right?”

“Who’s Gandalf, sir?” 

“Never mind.” The boy was thousands of years too early to understand who Gandalf was. “Tolkien’s gonna think I’m ripping him off again. We’ll add that to my list of problems for the day.” The statement ended with an exasperated sigh.

It was dawning on the boy that perhaps his employer wasn’t having the best day. “You seem stressed, sir. Might I suggest a snack from the break room?” I can get you a muffin.” 

“No, but thank you. I can get it myself. Thanks again…Raph…Azra… Angel of the Lord.”

The boy gave an overly polite bow, and shuffled out of the room. For a time, there was quiet, and peace again. The grumble of an unfilled belly disrupted the serene silence. Perhaps the boy was right about that snack. 

The break room wasn’t far — just on the other side of the universe. As he traveled he couldn’t help but notice a certain panic about the office. Angels were hesitant to look him in the eye which he thought odd since many of them were simply masses of eyeballs and wings. They moved throughout the office with an unusual caution. You didn’t have to be omniscient to know something was up. He knew better than to ignore it, but the banquet of a break room awaited him. 

He found comfort in the first bite of an everything bagel. It was a snack that he alone in the office enjoyed. The angels and the rest of the world wouldn’t know the delight of a bagel topped with everything until thousands of years later thanks to the masterful performance of Stephanie Hsu. The second bite was abruptly interrupted. It was a familiar voice.

“Sir.”

“Yes Michael? I assume this is about whatever is making everyone so skittish. They sent you to tell me.” He turned around to see the same gray suit combination from before. 

“I volunteered, sir.” Michael stood in the doorway of the breakroom.  A crowd of intrusive eyes and ears crowded behind him, just far enough away to eavesdrop. 

“Well let’s hear it.”

“It’s about your son.”

“Yeah, he’s interning down on earth.”

“They crucified him.” Michael said before shooting a sharp glance back at the onlookers.

“They what?!”

“I’m sorry, sir.” 

“Why would they do that? He’s been to literally hundreds of other planets and this has never happened. What are these humans, monkeys or something?”

“According to evolution sir, yes.” A cough of acknowledgment of the absurd followed the statement and he continued. “What do you want to do about the situation?” 

He thought for a moment. The second bite of the bagel helped with that process. “Here’s what we’ll do, recall J, send him back in three days. He’ll offer the humans redemption if they pledge their lives to him, and to ya know generally being better people. It’ll be like a tax write-off for sin. They’ll love that, and we can stick it to Lucifer.”

“Brilliant sir! I’ll get right on that.” Michael was gone as swiftly as he appeared. Diligent that one. As the angel left the crowd scattered as well. 

The remainder of the bagel filled him with optimism for how the rest of the day would go. The morning had been chaotic, sure, but he had faith in this new venture and in the humans. They had a rough couple thousand years, but they were learning. That fact alone was reason to be hopeful.

Or so he thought until he saw the line at the entrance of his office. Angels from the highest to the lowest order were assembled in a single file line leading up to his door. Oh the things that could go wrong during a bagel break. Reluctantly he walked by them all and held the door open for the first to enter.

“Gabriel, hold all my calls until the next ice age, or until Betty White shows up. I’m gonna be busy.”