Fatal Checkout

Wasn’t I here just the other day? Sigh. I needed a new night hobby. How often can a lady in her late twenties visit the grocery store in one week? I smile and nod at the security guard posted in his folding chair at the front. 

“Having a good night Rick?” I asked. 

“Sydney.” He nods back. 

Okay so, first name basis means I one hundred percent needed a new hobby. I grab one of the smaller carts and scan the bulletin for deals. The manager with her blue blouse tucked into her oversized pants comes click-clacking my way. 

“How’d you like the new scan-as-you-go devices we implemented last week?” She pulls me in for a quick hug by way of greeting. 

“Err, you know it was alright. It got the job done.” I shrug. Truthfully, it was cumbersome.

“But?” Janice prods.

“Well, part of going to the local grocers in a small town is conversing with the workers. I don’t want to be a worker.” 

She sighs “Ya, that’s the consensus.”

I began pushing my cart through the produce section as she followed along, contemplating. 

“Give it another shot? The developers just made some new updates. It can calculate the total as you go and automatically apply all coupons circulating!”

I arch a brow and take the red and white scanner that looks like a vintage model of a touchscreen smartphone. A little clunky but functional. 

“You got it.” I say. 

“Alright well, I’ll be in the back office. I’ve got to finish these timesheets to make it for bedtime stories with the kids.”

“Give my god babies a kiss and tell Hal he better have those ribs at the BBQ Sunday!” I say. 

She blows a kiss, and I return it. 

I took hold of the scanner and attempted to scan the bag of apples I had grabbed. Big bold letters flashed across the screen. 

ITEM NOT FOR SALE 

“Ugh, this was the same thing that happened last time. Forget it!” 

I tossed the scanner into the basket, abandoning it. I put the apples away, remembering I had already picked some up on my last trip. Refocusing on my task, I began throwing random things into the cart. I originally came here for chips and dip, but as I perused the store, I saw a few things I had forgotten on my last trip.

Turning into the chip aisle on the hunt for my favorite salsa dip, I focused on the shelves. My eyes scanned back and forth when a loud beeping sound startled me. I glanced around, looking for the source, when I realized it came from the top basket of the cart. Peering down, I saw the culprit of the noise, which was the flashing scan-as-you-go device.  

Picking it up, I pressed random buttons on the side, attempting to silence the device. I held down the power button, hit it against my palm a few times, whispered shh at it, but nothing worked. I was seconds away from tossing it when finally the noise ceased. The grocery store was once again silent and empty aside from me and the one cashier. Then another loud chiming sound came from it, but this time, it started glowing. I dropped it again, and it floated back up to me. 

“Ummm, pretty sure there is no update in this world that could cause a scanner to do that!” I exclaimed. 

I tried to put the device on the shelf and it got louder and louder until I picked it up again. Finally, silence greeted me. I sighed a breath of relief and looked at the bold words on the screen. 

UPDATE COMPLETE 

PLEASE START SCANNING 

“Doesn’t seem I have much of a choice, does it?” 

I reached into the basket, grabbed an item, and held down the middle button to activate the scanner. The screen flashed a few times and then beeped. 

BARCODE SCANNED 

SKITTLES ORIGINAL $3.99 

It beeped again, and then music started blaring from the device. I jumped back, dropping the device, and nearly tripped over my cart. 

“Seriously, where is the volume control on this thing?” 

Before I could pick it up, the scanner floated back into my hands. I recognized a voice coming from it, so I squinted at the smaller screen to observe the video playing and gasped. 

“Wait, that’s me?!” 

There I was, sitting in a worn office chair, with my legs crossed, singing the YMCA song under my breath.

“Hold on, that's my doctor's office!” I recognized the anatomy and outdated stop-smoking posters on her walls. 

Sure enough, seconds later, my doctor walks in with a folder and a black case. 

“Sorry, that took so long, Sydney. I couldn’t find the other device. We must be out, so it looks like we’re going the old finger prick route.” Dr. Cristy places the folder on her desk and opens the case, showing me how to use the strips and blood glucose reader. 

“We’ll test you on this medication for about a month, see where your numbers are, and then go from there, okay?” She finishes up her spiel. 

I nod. “You got it Doc. Guess I shouldn’t have eaten all those Skittles, right?” I give her a tight smile. 

The screen goes black, reflecting my gaping expression. I close my mouth and some more words pop up. 

WOULD YOU STILL LIKE TO PURCHASE SKITTLES' ORIGINAL 

YES OR NO 

“Um, no, I don’t want diabetes.” I smash my finger against the NO button. Take the Skittles out of the cart and the device glows in response. 

PLEASE SCAN NEXT ITEM 

“I’m not sure I want to.” How on earth did developers get the device to do this? I cautiously reach into my cart and grab something else. The device makes the same beeping sound, letting me know it worked.

BARCODE SCANNED 

POPCORN SWEET AND SALTY $6.99

The screen flashes to me in my living room, enjoying some reality show drama on my paper-thin TV I just bought with my work advance. There was an open bottle of wine and a half-drunk glass on the table. I’m laughing at the scene unfolding while shoveling the popcorn in my mouth. 

“Well, that’s one way to spoil the ending! I’ve been dying to know what happens between these two after Chris admitted he cheated!” I exclaim. 

I mean, I have a right to be indignant despite the weirdness of this situation.  

“Oh, no.”

I grab a handful of popcorn and shove it into my mouth. I say something unintelligible at the TV and then reach for my glass of wine. The coughing is sporadic at first and then picks up in intensity. My eyes widened a little in panic. My face turns colors and my hands go around my throat as I open and close my mouth. As if getting air would help in this situation. 

Suddenly I stand up, causing the couch to screech as it’s pushed back forcefully on the wood floors. The cream carpet now stained red from the tipped-over wine bottle. Uncaring, I stumble over to the dining room, my eyes watering, throat wheezing, and begin slamming my chest against the back of the chair. 

Before I can view the outcome, the scene is gone. 

WOULD YOU STILL LIKE TO PURCHASE POPCORN SWEET AND SALTY

YES OR NO  

“Of course, I’m going to say no,” I shout.  

I roll my eyes, taking the bag of pre-made popcorn out of the cart. Once I returned it to its rightful spot in the store, the device beeps. 

PLEASE SCAN NEXT ITEM

I survey the options in my cart. 

“There can’t possibly be anything wrong with this.”

BARCODE SCANNED 

CARROTS AND DIPS PARTY TRAY $10.99

Loud music is blasting from the portable speakers, with people gathered around a picnic table, beers in hand, laughing as the children run around. I walk over to Janice, handing her the margarita I just whipped up. 

“He didn’t forget the ribs. They’re coming.” Janice yells over the music. 

She smiles over to her children, who are running back and forth between the bouncy house and the snack table. 

“I wasn’t going to say anything.” I laugh. 

She smirks. “I saw you examining what was on the grill.” 

I shrug. “I’m heading over to Germany for a work conference early next year. You should come with.”

She snorts and goes to say something, but a loud, piercing scream interrupts her. All the adults turn toward the kids. 

“Moooooooom! Mommy, mommy mommy.” Travis comes running over a trail of blood, following him. 

“Oh, my God!” Janice drops her glass and runs to meet her son. I follow quickly and as I get closer, I see an orange object sticking out of his nose and I pray that it’s not what I think it is. 

“What happened?” Janice asks calmly as she examines the obtrusion. 

“Ch-ch-charlie and B-b-betty daaaared me to stick the carrot up my nooose! I said no, but then they called me a s-s-caredy cat so I di-i-i-d!” He manages to get out through the wails. 

WOULD YOU STILL LIKE TO PURCHASE CARROTS AND DIPS PARTY TRAY

YES OR NO  

“Poor Travis.”

Back goes the carrots.

PLEASE SCAN NEXT ITEM

I glance down at the last item, imagining all the horrible ways it could lead to devastation. Sighing, I go to put it back without scanning and the device beeps as it illuminates. 

PLEASE SCAN NEXT ITEM

“No, I don’t want to.”

It chimes louder.

PLEASE SCAN NEXT ITEM

“Seriously?” 

I pick it up and scan it. 

* * * 

I finish entering my payment details on the scan-as-you-go device and decide against paying for a bag. It’s not needed. Before I leave, I pop my head down the hallway that leads to the restrooms and Janice’s office. Her door is closed and locked, which means she’s already left. 

Sighing, I debate what to do with the scanner. Was Janice aware of what this so-called update was? I’m not even sure I understand what just happened or how it was even possible. Does this mean magic exists? That was a whole other can of worms I wasn’t ready to process just yet. I decided it was better to keep the device with me until I could speak with the manager. As I’m about to head to the exit, it beeps. 

PLEASE RETURN ME TO CUSTOMER SERVICE 

HAVE A NICE NIGHT

“Well, alright then.”

I leave the scanner at the customer service counter and make my way to the exit. I wave goodbye to Rick even though I’m pretty sure he’s sleeping. Why else would he be wearing glasses inside at night? I click the button on my keys to open the car. I lean down into the cart, pick up my single purchase, and toss it in. 

I take one good look at the ten-pound sack of russet potatoes in my trunk and slam it closed.