Getting to Know Love

TW: mentions of suicide and substance abuse

“I’ve told you plenty of things about myself. You do know me"

"No, I know what you tell me, which is basically nothing."

"Oh, shut up, I tell you everything! I have been the one that has been honest and open through this relationship."

"That's where you're wrong. Yeah, I know shit about you, like you know shit about me, but do not come and tell me that I haven't opened up. Since the day we met I've been open and honest with you. Of course it took time to tell you everything, but I tried my best. I tried my best to get to know you and trust you, and I do, I trust you completely, but I’m not sure if I truly know who I’m in a relationship with. You've just told me the basic facts about you, shit you would put on a fucking dating profile. I learned that you had siblings through your friends!”

"Don't bring my friends into this."

"Fine, then don't come and tell me you have opened up, when I don't truly know you."

"You want to get to know me, the actual me?”

“Yes.”

“Okay. I'll tell you all the interesting things about me. Yeah I have the two siblings you know about, but I also have three half-siblings. Both my biological parents are dead, so I only have my step-dad left, who is an asshole by the way. I ran away from home at 16, came back at 17 because of drug and alcohol abuse but got kicked out at 18, which was the last time I saw my family. I didn’t cry a single fucking tear in either of my parents funerals, because I know they would have told me that it made me look weak. I only talk with one person from my family, who is my oldest sister, because the rest don't see me as a person, rather a waste of oxygen."

"Oh, hon-"

"No, let me finish first, since you were so persistent about getting to know me. You are the first person I've been in a long-term relationship with because I'm afraid people might leave me, just like my family. I've tried to kill myself twenty three times, in which six were almost successful. My friends are and have become my family, and if I lose my family again, I wouldn't know what to do with myself, I would probably fall into the deep end again. I knew I was in love with you since the first time that I heard your laugh because it made me feel calm within the chaos that I was in. We didn't even know each other then, but your laugh captivated me. It took me months to find that beautiful laugh again, but when I finally found it, I knew that I wanted to cherish the beautiful person that possessed it. And I did; I am still doing that, and I am trying my best to be what you deserve, but I doubt myself most of the time. There you go, are you happy? Now you know every single little thing about me."

"I'm sorry"

"What are you sorry about?"

"I am sorry that I pushed you, I'm sorry that I couldn't get into my head that you needed to trust me completely first. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry."

"It's fine"

"No it’s not. It’s not fine that you told me all of that because I insisted. I should’ve shut my mouth and been patient with you, so you could tell me when you wanted. Here I was thinking that communication would improve our relationship, but it didn't because I pushed you to tell me, and now I've ruined everything. You probably don't want to be with me anymore because I know everything about you, which you didn't even want to tell me in the first place."

"Did you not hear the fact that I'm in love with you? I fell in love with you, way before I met you. I kept looking for your laugh everywhere I went, it’s the most angelic sound I have ever heard. It never left my mind, and it still hasn't. How could I leave you?"

"I don't know."

"Exactly! I love you. I've been wanting to tell you for a long time now, but the fear that you wouldn't say it back got the best of me, so I didn't. I just kept overthinking the situation, and the more I thought about it, the worse my thoughts became. I need that reassurance from you, for me to tell you everything about me, about my life, my family, my demons and my angels; to know you wouldn't leave like everybody else. You have made me a better person, a happier person, that's why I love and will continue to love you; that's why I waited."

"I love you too, you know. I've been in love with you since you asked me where I saw myself in ten years, and the first thing that came into my thoughts was you. I saw you in a kitchen cooking dinner for us. I saw you in my car driving around the town with music blasting all around us. I saw you smothering me with kisses after I told you about my newest job. I saw you cuddling with me and our cats while watching your favorite movie for the third night in a row. I saw you playing dress up with our children and making them do a fashion show for me. I saw my future with you, and that was only the second date. But I just told you that I saw myself married and with children, keep the thought that it was with you just for my daydreams. I'm really sorry, again."

"Darling, I love you, you love me; that's what's important. We'll get through this. We'll get better at relationships and communicating with each other. And just so you know, I see my future with you too."