The New Normal

I was so tired, beyond tired, exhausted. Daylight saving time was always something my body dreaded, now more than ever. And now change the clocks. Darn it! That seemed so archaic still. Stop changing time!

Don't they understand I need sleep after work??? Thinking back over my 24 hour shift was like a nightmare, only I was fully awake. I could barely choke down a small bit of food before dragging my body into bed.

The hospital was over run with patients again. Today more than the day before. Stretchers lined the corridors. People coughing and shivering or burning up. Setting up tents near the hospital for more people they still expected to come.

When, if ever, would we see a normal 12 hour shift? Not enough protective supplies to keep doctors or any other essential medical workers safe. When are they bringing more we asked. Soon is all they said. Already many staff sick at home in quarantine.

This was spiralling out of control, more cases with diseased people wandering the emergency room every hour of every day. Sometimes those same people needing machines to breathe so they wouldn't slowly suffocate and die in our hallways. We didn't even know if we'd have enough machines anymore.

Doctors needing to decide who lived and died because we weren't equipped to keep up with this deadly virus. Nurses weeping in the hallways from exhaustion and from mental anguish over all they saw. When would this ever end? Could we stay sane?

It began so slowly but now it was as if someone set a match to gasoline. The heat and fury of this virus had become uncontrollable to even the doctors. Scientists rushing to create a vaccine. Politicians trying to fund the country. The media trying to report accurate numbers but this morphed hourly.

We now had less care for the sick and more fatalities. People dying alone, being hauled off to refrigerated trucks that had become makeshift morgues. Families grieving alone, not being able to say goodbye or bury their loved ones. This was ravaging our land. This was what North America had become. 

I am a nurse. I work at least eighteen to twenty four hour shifts now. I get one day off every ten days. No wonder I'm so overly exhausted. I fight with everything inside me to keep going daily. I have faith. It's amazing through this time how I've seen people literally drop to their knees and weep and pray. Just crying out and hoping for some relief from this storm that life has become. 

Everything we know has changed, shifted. Everyday is unpredictable never the same as the day before. I know after this I will never be the same. I will never take anything for granted again. I can't, not after all the pain and despair I've seen. I don't know how anyone can define normal anymore.

I passed out from exhaustion at last. Sleep at last! Where was I though? As I got up I saw that this was not my home. I went out my door to head to work. What? My car was gone! A cart lit up with neon lights was there to take me to work now. It resembled a fancy oversized motorcycle but seated 10 people and the driver. The driver came out and opened the door for me.

I saw my grandson the moment I sat down. But wait, he was 5. What? How could he be a teenager? He didn't recognize me at all. As we sped down the street I asked the driver where we were going. Nothing looked the same. Nothing! I was going insane! He calmly said we were off to the office. What office? I worked at a hospital not an office! 

I asked again where we were going. Same answer. I was getting very angry. Just then we stopped in front of this massively tall building and everyone got out of the car. The driver told me to go with them. They would show me where I worked.

I entered through an automatic door and was greeted by a man who only pointed to an elevator. The building was pristine and eerily vacant. The man and I, that was all. All he said was floor 33. Nothing more. I gathered that's where I was supposed to go now.

I was puzzled. I went to floor 33. The door opened. There was one desk, one fancy coffee machine, one cup, one chair, one high tech computer and one phone. Nothing else. What? My chest tightened with fear. I wanted to leave but as usual, I decided no harm in having a coffee first. That was all, one coffee and then I'd go back and find out who was playing this cruel joke on me. 

The coffee was amazingly smooth, dark and fragrant. I almost forgot about all the strange events of the morning for a moment. Just then I was jolted back to reality when the phone rang. I picked it up to speak but it wasn't working. The ringing went on and on though. I shook the phone, still nothing. The ringing continued. 

What? Just then my whole body jolted, almost as if in convulsion. That darn ringing! Wait, breathe, I was slowly opening my eyes in my own room. The ringing was my alarm for work. Wow! Where had I been. I was physically shaking as I pulled myself up on the edge of my bed.

That was the most vivid dream I'd ever had. What did it mean. Is that how we will live and work in the future? In total isolation. Home, vehicle, work, vehicle, home. Alone!

I placed my feet firmly on my bedroom rug. I breathed in deeply. Finally my body stopped shaking. Another day in the life of a nurse loomed in front of me. After that dream I made a choice to be grateful to have others working with me. Grateful for everything I had.

A profound change in me spurred on by one ominous dream. I wonder if we will ever know what life will really be like in the future? I wonder if we will ever truly be able to define the word normal? What is normal anyways?