Squirrel Woman's Mistake

It hadn't been Squirrel Woman's intention to unzip her Lycra costume for supervillain Quentin Madcap, but there I was, waking with my bare flesh pressed up against his warm body, in a very intimate way.

Quentin's not that bad looking. That's actually kind of the problem. 

As typical for a bad guy, he favored building his mind instead of bulking up, yet his muscles hadn't been neglected. I'd removed my gloves to run my hands over those firm pecs and abs. 

He smelled...good, his hair, though neon blue with a stripe running down the center, looked fantastic...and I confess I kinda enjoyed metaphorically dying in those sparkling green eyes the night before.

The musty artificial scent of my costume blended with his cologne, his own exotic mustiness, and the weird chemical smells of...whatever pollutants he used to create his army of half human mutant cyborgs.

We lay curled in each other's arms on silken sheets on a modern bed. Our location: A hidden, vault-like room deep within his cavernous underground lair. He had a wonderful sense of interior decorating, backlit stained glass windows depicting his evil symbol, surrounded by nature scenes. The supercomputers, though noisy, were a necessity for his `job.' Marvelous Greek inspired statuary, lots of elegant gold flourishes (obviously from his ill gotten gains).

Neat as a pin. His goons tidied up once a week, and he kept his insane plans for world domination and associated infernal machines locked up with his secret gallery of Squirrel Woman portraits, one chiseled out of marble. My alter ego, mild mannered techie for Computer Nuts Inc. had actually stumbled over the latter while `servicing his computer' (i.e. hacking into his evil database).

No liquor, no drugs. He didn't have time for it.

"Good morning, little rodent," Quentin purred, smoothing the stretchy brown fabric clinging to my hips. His hands curved down around the back, gripping my outfit's bushy tail in a way that shot electric tingles through my body, reminding me of last nights passionate indiscretion. If Squirrel Woman did not dismount and leave his sight at once, she would not have the will to stop the villain's scheme, and the world would fall to his iron (but very dextrous) fist.

"This was a mistake." Blushing furiously, I climbed off him, zipping my suit from the tail piece all the way to my chin.

He swallowed. "You're right. It was."

My eyes bulged in surprise. "What? You agree?*"

Donning his trademark dragon print slacks, he got out of bed, producing a carafe of orange juice from the fridge in his walk-in kitchen. "I haven't been completely honest with you. You know Zorana Feng? The one that makes those giant bug monsters you always tussle with? She, um, collaborated on my current project."

I slowly backed toward his massive bedroom door. "You mean...me."

Quentin chuckled.

That laugh. It sounded light compared to the mad world ending bark he used when his insane plans had neared completion.

"No! Heaven forbid! I was referring to my army of mutants." He poured juice into two crystal glasses. He offered me one, but I refused to take it. "Little rodent, you're not the first to share that bed with me."

I knew my finely honed sense of smell had detected another woman's perfume in that bed! 

I should have been relieved, but my face burned with anger. "I'm leaving." I grabbed my Squirrel Glider and Squirrel Utility Belt.

"I think that's wise. If she comes back, it's not going to be pretty." But he was taking some cold breakfast stuff out of the fridge. "Give you something to go? Perhaps a bottle of my best wine?"

I found myself saying no thank you, even though I shouldn't have been so polite. 

I rushed to his intimidating bedroom door, shoving on the skull handles. A pair of thugs with futuristic weapons stood guard, but did nothing when I rushed past them.

The gray stone corridor ahead had been rumored to contain dozens of deadly traps, but they'd all been shut off, an honor reserved for only his mother, or someone equally close.

Up ahead lay his factory, an R&D sector and a munitions plant. You'd think it would be afoul of toxic fumes, but it smelled clean, antiseptic.

Before I could proceed further, a cloud of purple smoke enveloped me, and I found an all-too-familiar Asian woman in a black, rune decorated leather bikini and cape clomp up to me in her shiny thigh high boots, her giant insect buddies looming threateningly behind her. "Squirrel Woman, we meet again!"

This was no time for the usual banter. She'd caught me with some serious egg on my face. 

Embarrassed, I tried to slip past, but she caught me around the throat and shoved me into a wall. "Not so fast! You think I didn't notice how quiet it's been around here this morning?"

I swallowed a lump in my throat. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"His cyborg army still lays dormant. I checked the entire facility. No sign of fires..." Her eyes narrowed knowingly. "...Or Squirrel Bombs."

"Uh..." I stammered. "I was just getting to that. He had me locked up in a dungeon."

That part was true, but it was a nice dungeon. Almost a hotel room. The whips and stuff appeared to be recreational. He'd shackled me to a big cushy bed, and came in with a big plate of Chinese food that he'd cooked himself.

After complimenting me on how clever I was, and my alter ego's excellent, timely equipment service he shouldn't have known about, he put a pair of chopsticks to my lips and said, "Try one bite of this. If you don't like it, I'll let you go."

He fed me the first piece, I said it was amazing, and when he uncuffed me, I didn't leave. Well, only once to go to the bathroom.

"Which dungeon!" Zorana snarled.

"I don't know, the dark smelly one with all the rats and chemicals. It was kind of creepy how he forced me to eat."

She only glared at me. "Look at you. Ms. Goody Two Shoes. Lying to my face!"

"Honey," Quentin said behind me. "Squirrel Woman and I, we are bitter enemies. Yes, we may have-"

"Quentin!" I hissed. "Shut up!"

Zorana's gloved claws tightened around my throat.

Quentin wouldn't be quiet. "Baby, let her go. We made a mistake, but it will never happen again. I promise."

And that's why we're handcuffed together, dangling over a tank full of hungry sharks.