𝐈 𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐀𝐂𝐂𝐔𝐒𝐄𝐃

My skin trembles.

I feel sharp stings. My eyes are heavy but sleep eludes me. A cool breeze passes and I slightly part my dry lips to inhale a bit of fresh air. I deeply exhale with my eyes closed as my mind goes for another spin. Bare ground at night is no friendly host and neither are the owners of the night. My body is sore and sour but what does it matter? I am finished.

“Every night has its dawn”, I was once told. But when I look back, I think, “If wishes were horses… 𝐼𝑓 𝑜𝑛𝑙𝑦, 𝑤𝑖𝑠ℎ𝑒𝑠 𝑤𝑒𝑟𝑒 ℎ𝑜𝑟𝑠𝑒𝑠.”

𝑇ℎ𝑒 𝑑𝑖𝑒 ℎ𝑎𝑠 𝑏𝑒𝑒𝑛 𝑐𝑎𝑠𝑡.

My name is Lina and this is my story.

I am restless. I have been running but can’t seem to be reaching anywhere. I am suffocating. The air in my lungs feels poisoned. I am falling into a deep and horrifying reality. My mind is about to explode as a lie down facing the sky. It is nearly midnight and the world of humans is just retiring as the owners of the night come alive. Today, I am owning the night.

“Get some rest.” My sister Rita calls out from her tent. “Tomorrow will be a long day.”

I deeply sigh without responding as tears roll down my face. I can hear Rita and Steve laughing, obviously having intimate fun. I look to the sky and I think of what an empty space the sky is. So vast and unlimited yet so limiting. It’s so powerfully laid out; it boasts of hosting millions of galaxies. Its neon burning stars shine ever so brightly. Shooting Stars illuminate hope, I think. But just then, I think of all the shooting stars I saw as a child, all my shattered hopes, and dreams and I abandon that thought. Hope is vanity. Shooting stars are myths. I close my eyes. Do stars even exist or are these thoughts just in my head? I am losing it.

I shake my head violently not caring what happens to my hair. I am trying to think straight. Do stars exist?

A familiar voice answers. I did not even notice that someone had come to lie down so close next to me.

“Do you see that star right there?” I try to resist opening my eyes but his voice is so close I just had to. I turn my head towards him to which he responds;

“Not this star. That one in the sky.” He smiles after that and I use all that is within me to resist the urge to smile. His hand is pointing to the sky so I follow its path with my eyes. He is pointing at a cluster so I have to try and focus to see which specific star he is pointing at.

“Do you see it?” His voice is so full of life and so close to my ear. I want to pretend that I see what he is pointing at just to get rid of him but against my better judgement, my lips have responded without my permission.

“Which one?”

He touches my hand without warning and points it to the sky. As he does so, he moves closer. He is literally pulling my hand towards him and my defense mechanism starts shaking. I heed to his advances till our heads are against each other facing the sky. I can smell his perfume. It isn’t bad. Actually, it is sweet. I struggle to focus with his sweet smell filling my mind.

“Leave me alone. Who do you think you are?” I wish those words escaped my lips.

“I still can’t see it...” is what I manage to say.

He guides my hand with his and while he does so, his forehead is slightly in contact with mine. His breath is so warm. How I badly need warmth. If only…

Suddenly a beautiful ray of light, starts to shine brighter than all the rest. It stands out and I wonder how I didn’t notice it when I was alone.

“I see it!! I see it!!!” I shout with energy and excitement I didn’t know I had. He chuckles as he brings his point home.

“You see,” he starts, his voice ever so gentle. “A typical star begins as a thin cloud of hydrogen gas that, under the force of gravity, collects into a huge, dense sphere. When the new star reaches a certain size, a process called nuclear fusion ignites, generating the star's vast energy. The fusion process forces hydrogen atoms together, transforming them into heavier elements such as helium, carbon and oxygen. When the star dies after millions or billions of years, it may release heavier elements such as gold.”

“And then?” I reply.

“And then that gold shines forever. Sometimes its even more beautiful that the star itself.”

“What do you mean?”

“Gold is rare. It Is found only after beautiful and precious stars die. Gold is beautiful, special and precious.”

“What does gold have to do with the star you were showing me?”

He laughs and looks at me. I don’t know why but I also turn to look at him. Our faces are now just inches apart.

“I mentioned the gold because just before I saw that most beautiful star in the sky, I was looking at something brighter, delicate and more beautiful.”

“You were?” I am curious.

“Yes, I was and, in all truth, 𝑰’𝒗𝒆 𝒏𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓 𝒔𝒆𝒆𝒏 𝒂𝒏𝒚𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒂𝒔 𝒃𝒆𝒂𝒖𝒕𝒊𝒇𝒖𝒍 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒂𝒔 𝒄𝒂𝒑𝒕𝒊𝒗𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒂𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒇𝒂𝒄𝒆 𝑰’𝒎 𝒍𝒐𝒐𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒂𝒕 𝒓𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒕 𝒏𝒐𝒘.”

It takes me a second too long to digest what he means. I do not even realize that I am smiling. Words escape my reach as I look at his face. He is handsome. I am staring into his eyes, trying to will him into laughter but I see in his gaze, a hunger for me. I see a passion so deep that I already feel consumed. How long it has been since I felt so wanted. I begin wanting but it is too little too soon. I deeply inhale as I try to search for words. His warm breath is on my forehead. Something within me starts reeling. 𝑀𝑦 𝑖𝑛𝑛𝑒𝑟 𝑔𝑜𝑑𝑑𝑒𝑠𝑠 𝑠𝑡𝑎𝑟𝑡𝑠 𝑠𝑐𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑚𝑖𝑛𝑔. His hand slowly touches my face and gently cups it. My eyes close involuntarily.

The hard ground now feels like a bed, so smooth yet so hard. The owners of the night seem to have vanished and everything around me seems to be melting. Actually, every part of me is heating and melting, like hot ice, if there’s such a thing.

“Prove to me that you are telling the truth because you men are all the same. You meet a girl, win her trust, maker feel special then you use her and …"

My words are cut short. In an instant, I am flying and I am sinking. I am pushing and I am pulling. I am confused. I feel something forceful, something wet and warm probing to invade the privacy of my slightly parted lips. I fight it but I want it. I am giving in. The last of my restraints come unhinged as something buried deep within me awakens and takes over me.

What happens next can not be undone and should not be done in front of children.

Typing...