Jacob's Ladder

She climbed up the tall oak tree, the branches catching her dress and the old wise bark scratching her worn, rough knees. With each pull, there was a small grunt of determination followed by a sigh of release in each rest.

"thirty-five, ugh, aahh, thirty-six ugh, aahh". In twelve seconds, she knew she would be there. She had climbed the tree enough times now to determine the exact time and energy needed to reach her leafy retreat.

There she was, clambering up the shaky ladder; designed in a dream and created with bike chains, padlocks, and legs from a long, forgotten side table. Half the fun of climbing the ladder was seeing the rusty corrosion of the age-old chains and knowing it could give way at any minute.

She had made it! With one last sigh, she hitched up onto the floor of the hideaway and wriggled around, curling up her legs in the cramped space to feel less twisted.

"Password! Can't stay without saying the password!"

Jacob was sat on a turned over rusty metal waste bin; It should have been buckling at the weight, but it seemed perfectly solid nevertheless.

"Pink parrots poo... No... erm...pink. No... purple parrots can't poo pink?" Lucy stuttered with speed and frustration. She already knew it was wrong.

"Bzzzzzzzz! Wrong! Club rules say you can't stay unless you say the password" piped up Jacob with enthusiasm and an air of cockiness.

"Come on, give me a break, it’s me. It’s my treehouse as much as yours. Just let me..."

"Can't stay. Go now”, Jacob shouted to her with his nose raised to the rafters.

He grabbed a bag of popcorn and threw in his hand. It emerged from the bag, bringing half the contents tumbling onto the floor. His small fist held an unimpressive amount of the corn which he threw her way with gusto.

"Popcorn punishment! Purple parrot popcorn punishment!"

Jacob’s eager, child-like enthusiasm far outweighed the outcome as the popcorn flew, like confused feathers, and landed in various places, mainly around him.

Lucy let out a sigh as the one piece of corn that achieved its purpose, dropped from the curls in her hair, kissed her gently on the nose, before falling silent and unprotestingly, to the floor.

"Just let me... Wait... Purple parrots? Purple parrots!... Puuurple parrots. Erm... Purple parrots only poo pink pellets if they eat white! Yes! Hah!"

With that, Lucy folded her arms and looked Jacob in the eye with a glaze that could melt an iceberg.

Jacob laughed " That was so funny! Look at you all angry mummy looking! Lighten up, it was only popcorn and I was following the rules, your rules too remember!"

She softened her gaze and looked down to her feet. There were big holes in the floor where the tree had started to reclaim space. The twigs and leaves were as inside the house as outside. Lucy was observing the growth of the branches in awe; they had grown so much since her last visit. She wondered if the tree was aware of time and whether the tree was asking for her weight now to be lifted.

She felt a deep pang of guilt, wondering if the tree, like her, had been holding this weight without question, but that now it was too heavy.

She suddenly realised she was dragging her thoughts below again. She didn't want to go down there again; she had come to the treehouse to get away from all of that and to feel free again, at last.

She looked up, as if physically acknowledging her need to raise her thoughts.

Jacob was crawling on his hands and knees, picking up strayed popcorn from the floor and tree branches, that now acted as shelves and seats.

"Jacob! Don't eat that!" Lucy shouted as Jacob's hand moved towards his mouth.

The popcorn was in without thought and Jacob sat there happily chewing, removing bits of strayed bark from his mouth that had stuck to the popcorn.

Lucy just paused in that moment in time and looked at Jimmy.

So young, ten years old forever. Never growing into a man who cooks steak, rather than eating bark coated popcorn.

She felt such guilt for leaving him up in the treehouse all this time.

She felt the pain of regret at not coming sooner.

She was always late.

Jacob would tell her to meet him at the treehouse as soon as she woke, but mum always managed to find something for Lucy to do with her predicted "not before" statements.

On that morning, she could “not leave before” she had tidied her room and eaten a decent breakfast.

"You're not gallivanting up there with Jacob until you have a full belly and a clean room madame. Jacob made his bed this morning and tidied his room while you were still counting sheep in la la land. The quicker you do it, the quicker you can go. And do not think a fistful of popcorn constitutes a decent breakfast Lucy, your teeth will punish you for it when you're my age!"

Lucy, who still had the front door handle in the clasp of her eager hand, slowly allowed her knuckles to release grip and let her arm drop to her side. Her head drooped defeatedly as she turned round, slowly and begrudgingly, to climb the stairs.

As she grabbed hold of the stair rail, she slowly lifted each foot and made the same noise she did as she climbed the treehouse. In her mind she was climbing the tree while her heavy feet took her to her room.

She sat on the end of her bed before collapsing back onto the softness of the sheets in a star shape. Like a cat in comfort, she kneaded the covers with her hands, pushing into the fabric and gently squeezing slowly, before releasing grip and pushing her hands in again. The feel of the soft fabric gave her a sense of home and allowed her frustration to ease.

She was eager to go to the treehouse, but the thought of tidying her room just drained all that energy away. Feeling suddenly relaxed and lethargic, she turned on her music, keeping it quiet, just in case mum would feel the need to question, and then she drifted in dream to the treehouse... 

But that was then, and here she is now, with Jacob, at last.

The sun's light beamed through the cracks of the rickety tree house. The bright rays seemed to shine straight through Jacob's pale, innocent face. 

Lucy felt a sudden, deep pang of guilt. She had felt it for so long, but this time it was so much stronger, so real, so true.

The pain started to form as bubbles in her eyes. She felt a jump in her soul, as if startling her to see that it was now time to let the pain go.

"Jacob, I'm so sorry I didn't come sooner. I fell asleep and didn't wake up until mum shouted."

Jacob laughed. 

"You're always late. Why are you making such a girly fuss and getting all teary? You are just being your dorky you. You can't help it. Dork brains!"

Lucy laughed. She felt such a release of guilt. Yes, she was just being herself, she didn't know any better. She couldn't help being herself.

"Jacob... "

"What, dork?"

"I love you"

Jacob looked at her and Lucy felt such a warm glow surrounding her that she had to gasp for air.

"Stop acting all weird and girly!" said Jacob with a beaming smile on his face.

"Jacob, it took me a long time to come here, but I’m glad I came... " 

"Me too, now stop being all soppy!" said Jacob throwing popcorn at her teared face.

Lucy laughed and laughed until her belly hurt. 

Then Lucy just cried; she sobbed heavy hearted tears.

Jacob quietly sat down next to her and placed his little arm around her.

For a moment, there was a crisp silence in the air that held a presence of trust.

Jacob looked towards his sister, trying to catch her eye,

"It’s ok Lucy, it's not the end of the world!"

Lucy raised her head and looked intently into Jacob's clear, bright eyes. 

"But Jacob, you do remember don't you; Jacob, you do know you fell from that silly old ladder? It’s been so many years Jacob, I couldn't face it but now I accept it, but do you know where you are Jacob; Do you know you have gone? You died Jacob... You died." 

Her bubbled eyes looked intently at him with such pain. The silence pervaded the air as the bubble dripped to the bare floor and soaked into the forgiving wood of the old oak tree.

Jacob looked at her with such sympathy. He looked down to his sister’s hand and gently touched her with his soft feathered fingertips. Lucy felt a rush of calm flow through her body

"Lucy… do you?" He asked softly, in reply.

Lucy looked at Jacob, then she looked down to hole in the floor of the treehouse. There was no rusty ladder there anymore, it fell so many years ago on that dark day she fell asleep too long.

Now, as the truth hit her, Lucy felt the roots of the trees touch her old, weathered hand, and the leaves intertwine around her brittle nails.

She wondered then, how she had even imagined such a frail body could climb such a tall tree.

She looked at Jacob and he beamed down a smile so bright that it glowed within her.

"I told you, it's not the end of the world" he said, winking at his beautiful sister as he gently held her hand, and the wise old oak tree reclaimed back her space.