CW: References to sexual activity

“I’m the biggest redneck mothafucka ya ever seen,” Chaz said as he swung his hatchet down on another piece of wood in that trailer. How I ended up there, I’m honestly a bit confused myself, as it was a mix of hormones and some thrill-seeking.

Whichever it was, I thank my lucky stars daily that I’m still alive to tell the tale.

I grew up in the suburbs in a little New York town called Lincolnville, where the one thing notable about it was it had one of the oldest wineries in the country, yet we rarely had any tourism somehow. I doubt the town is even marked on an FBI database map.

I was on a dating app called meetme.com one day and I saw a beautiful woman with glasses and pink hair named Carissa. Any kind of unnatural hair color immediately hooked me in, so I couldn’t resist to say, “How’s it going?” I came up with better openers than that over time, but I was 19 and still learning how to properly talk to girls.

She replied, as she enjoyed my picture with my pet collie, Windy. After talking about our favorite science fiction films and our love of nature, I popped the question if we could meet up sometime. The answer was a resounding yes. Being autistic, I tend to disclose to my date off the bat so there’s no surprises (as well as to weed out the bigots), and Carissa was totally cool with it, as she had an autistic son herself.

We started dirty talking as the night went on, and I told her about a threesome I had not long before meeting her, and she said her and her roommate Chaz were looking for somebody to do that, indirectly asking me if I liked the idea.

“That’d be fun,” I said.

“Great!” she said. “I’m in Grant’s Pass, Pennsylvania.” She then gave me the address. About two days later, on a Saturday, I was off to… well… you know.

It was about a two-hour drive, and I left at 3 P.M. The ride from New York to Pennsylvania was beautiful, because the latter was surrounded by dense trees all along the highway and had way less cars passing through than New York’s did, which allowed me to drive as fast as I pleased. I would slow down whenever I saw an indent on the side of the highway, which was where cops would hide to catch potential speedsters. I passed wondrous mountain vistas and watched birds fly above my car as I got deeper into the state.

The further I went, there were fewer and fewer cars beside me. Eventually, as I was about 40 minutes away from my destination, according to the GPS, there were none at all.

“Are you sure we’re going the right way?” I asked the GPS in my head. Right as I said that it asked me to pull off to exit 52. I was then on the backroads, and all I could see beside the road were trees, fallen sticks, and dirt. There would be houses here and there, but I definitely didn’t see any other human beings outside. I could no longer see the sun, as the trees covered it well with their dense collection of leaves.

“In half a mile, make a right,” the monotone female GPS voice said. It turns out that turn was a one-lane dirt road. The road was two miles long in a straight line, and I couldn’t see a sign of life anywhere, not even a squirrel. Just more trees and leaves on the ground. I made another right turn onto an unpaved road, and then a left.

“Your destination is on the left,” the GPS said.

As I reached the orange flag which marked my destination, I finally found some life. It was four trailers in a half-circle. Carissa’s was the second one from the left. She heard me approach and came out to hug me. The trailer to the right of it had two rusty cars with their hoods open.

“How was the ride?” she said.

“Interesting for sure,” I said.

Carissa just smiled. She wore black gym shorts and a white shirt. But she was beautiful, as she looked just like her picture and had wondrous hips. I followed her into her house.

“It’s nice to meet you,” she said, turning her head back to me as we walked inside.”

“Nice to meet you as well,” I said.

The interior walls were made of dark brown artificial wood grain paneling, and they didn’t have a floor, as it was just plywood. Next to the front door was a wooden stump. The first room upon entering was the living room, which was dark, as they didn’t have any lights on. However, they did have an amber light in the kitchen, which slightly shimmered into part of the living room. The walls had pictures of Carissa’s 4-year-old son, although he was nowhere to be found.

“He’s adorable. Is your son home?” I asked.

“Nah, he’s with his dad right now. Would you like some water or iced tea?” she said.

“No, I got water in my lunchbox, thanks.” I took that blue lunchbox my stepmom gifted me everywhere, which held up to six bottles.

I sat on the couch, and I felt the plywood floor and the entertainment center holding the TV shake underneath me. Someone was coming from the hallway, which was to the right of the front door as you walked in. A large, 250-pound muscular bald man emerged, who had boils and scratch marks on his face, as well as a red flannel and jeans with brown stains on them. In his left hand was a yellow-handled hatchet. My heart started to pound against my ribcage.

“Stephen, this is my roommate, Chaz,” Carissa said. He then extended his right hand out to me.

“N-n-nice to meet you,” I said.

“Nice to meet you too, bud,” he said. “You here to have some fun with us?”

“I think I’d like to hang out for a little while first,” I said. His body was in the way of the door, and I didn’t want to upset them by running out the door.

Despite my instincts, my hormones made me want to give him the benefit of a doubt.

“Alright then,” he said. He then started chopping some wood on the stump as my mind blanked out and he talked to Carissa.

“I’m the biggest redneck mothafucka ya ever seen,” Chaz said. This broke me out of my trance, and I basically heard him say it without any context. Carissa then played music videos on YouTube, mainly country rap or hick-hop, whichever you prefer to call it. The videos were mainly men in woodland camo hoodies and trucker hats with beards rapping about their trucks and their hometowns. I was more of a rock and metal person and couldn’t stand it, but I did not want to upset the bald man with the hatchet, so I just kept my mouth shut unless he asked me questions.

“Where you from?” he said.

“I’m from Lincolnville, in New York,” I said.

“Ah, never heard of it,” he said.

“Most people haven’t,” I said. Conversation was hard enough in a good mood, let alone while conversing with a suspicious large man such as he in the middle of nowhere.

“I got some weed. You guys want some?” I said to break the tension. Their eyes lit up and they immediately said yes. I then packed my swirly glass bowl with some green, lit it up, and passed it around. Believe it or not, I was able to think clearer after doing it in such an environment, as the calming effect helped me feel better.

Although I was calmer, I lost the passage of time, and it was pitch black outside before I knew it. All the hick-hop videos made time zip by.

“I gotta go help Mitch with the car. I’ll be back later, then we can have some fun,” Chaz said.

“Okay, see ya in a bit,” she said.

“Bye,” I said.

As soon as he walked out into the darkness, I looked over at Carissa and scanned her body lying across the couch. Her legs were thick and bright from her ivory skin in the dark living room, and with the giant man out of the picture, I made my move. I did not want to be on the other end of that hatchet blade, but I also didn’t want to leave without fulfilling the goal my horny 19-year-old self trekked out there for.

I sat next to her and asked if I could rub her legs, which she consented to. We then kissed and it progressed from there. I think you could fill in the gaps. Once it was over and we laid on the couch naked together, I looked over and saw Mr. Chaz was still away. So I then leapt off the couch and got my clothes back on like I was late for a wedding ceremony.

“You okay?” Carissa said.

“Oh yeah, it’s just getting late and I got work tomorrow. Thank you for having me over,” I said. As I zipped my pants up, I bent down and kissed her on the couch as she still laid there without clothes. I then grabbed my lunchbox, ran to my car, turned on the ignition, and backed out of there.

The backroads out of that area were just as lifeless as they were before, which, in that case, gave me a sigh of relief. I never spoke to Carissa again after that. I didn’t want to know what would await me in those woods if I ever came back. Whether Chaz was dangerous or not in the end, I wasn’t willing to find out.

I then arrived back to my parents’ house and crashed into my bed. Never before did I feel so thankful to be home from a road trip.