The Blues

The sun is just beginning to set, shadows creeping up on the cornhole boards and sweating buckets full of melting ice, sprinkled with bobbing bottles of Bud Light. The lawn is littered with blue and pink confetti that was beaten out of the paper mache replica of Swoop, the mascot of the Philadelphia Eagles. Mike looks out at the pinata hanging from the tree and smirks.

Standing at the grill scraping burnt bits of burgers and chicken wings off the grill grates, Mike rubs his full belly.

“This is going to be our year, babe,” says Mike.

“What do you mean?” asks Alex as she’s unpinning the Dallas Cowboys football garland.

“Baby Mikaela is due soon and she will be the good luck charm the ‘Boys need to make it to the Superbowl.”

Alex rolls her eyes and moves the last table over to the side.

Mike places a hand on his aching back and lightly stretches. It was a long day tending to the smoker and he probably should've just ordered pizza but it wasn't going to be a party without his famous smoked brisket.

Mike makes his way inside and lowers himself into a chair next to where Alex is sorting through the gifts. As-seen-on TV baby gadgets, a set of matching family Cowboys onesies, a bottle of whisky from his boss that he’s looking forward to celebrating with after Mikaela is born.

Alex turns to Mike and holds up a pair of Costco's Kirkland brand relaxed fit jeans.

“Honey, I can’t wait to see you in these. You haven’t really become a dad until you own a pair of these bad boys."

"Those are hilarious. Just like the ones my dad wears. We'll be twins. All I need to do now is tuck in my t-shirts." He chuckles. The jeans were a gift from his longtime best friend, who was the best man in his wedding and will be the godfather of his daughter.

Mike takes the size 32 waist dad jeans from Alex and stares at the label. He knew that the jeans were gifted in good fun, but it still stung knowing that it would be a while until he would be able to fit in them.

"I really can't wait to have this baby and wear my normal size jeans again," says Mike.

"Oh, honey, you'll spring back to your pre-dad dad bod in no time." Alex pets Mike's belly.

Mike smiles but can't help from feeling down about his body. The weight gain is normal but still he feels bloated and un-sexy. Alex wraps her arms around Mike's drooping shoulders. She gives him a tight squeeze and caresses his 8-month baby bump.

"Hey. You know I was just teasing you, right?"

"I know, babe," smiles Mike. But inside there’s a knot in his chest and he feels like he’s on the verge of a breakdown. He looks away and quickly wipes at his eyes. "I’m going to go take a shower now. This day has worn me out and I smell like a campfire.”

“No problem, honey. I’ll take care of the rest of the cleanup.” Alex kisses his cheek and gets back to sorting through the gifts.

Mike walks across the living room to the staircase and looks up. These stairs have been a pain in his ass for the past four months. He drags himself up the stairs one step at a time, each one reminding him of his old lacrosse injuries, now amplified by the extra pregnancy weight. When he reaches the top step, he sits down and sighs.

Am I ready to be a father? Do I really have what it takes to do this?

Mike begins to sob, stuffing his face into his hands to stifle the whimpers. He doesn’t want Alex to know he’s having a hard time. He’s got to remain strong and pull himself together.

“Honey? What are you doing?” asks Alex, who appeared at the bottom of the staircase.

Mike looks up, disappointed in himself that he couldn’t even make it to the shower where he could at least hide his tears. “Oh, I just got a little winded and had to rest for a second.” He starts to pull himself up, “I’m headed to the shower now and I’ll be down to help you in a few minutes.”

“Hey, no sit back down,” Alex says while rushing up the stairs. She helps Mike sit back down on the steps and wraps him in a warm hug, wiping the tears from his cheeks.

Mike looks into Alex’s eyes and has the urge to dump everything on his mind into her lap. He wants to tell her he’s always in pain whether it’s his feet or his back, not to mention what it feels like inside his body. The constant bloating, nausea and urges to pee. He wants to pour out his heart and air out his worries about if he’s going to be a good enough father and husband. But he resists.

"It’s nothing, probably just the hormones. I’ll be alright. Hell, Jerry worked up until his water broke on the shop floor and he’s got two herniated discs. Give me two weeks after Mikaela is born and I’ll be good as new.” Mike flexes his biceps at Alex. “Men’s Health has a whole section on postpartum workouts and diets.”

"It's okay, honey. Don’t apologize and don't worry, you'll be on Paternity leave soon. I've got a few months of leave that I'm allowed to use to stay home and help take care of you also," Alex says as she gently rubs Mike's shoulders. "Now, let's draw you a bath and I'll give you a foot rub. Then you can go to bed while I finish cleaning up. Deal?"

"Deal," responds Mike. "Oh and can I get one of those leftover hotdogs but covered in whipped cream and some crunchy peanut butter? Don't look at me like that. Just be glad that I'm not asking for a durian milkshake like your brother Bill when he was pregnant with Jax."

Alex laughs and takes Mike's hands in hers. She kisses him sweetly on the forehead, helps him up, and leads him to the bath.