Backwards

-         Where the hell am I ? – was the first sentence proving that I was still alive.

I   recalled   that,  during the torture,  my eyes were blind, and my  ears could distinguish the dripping sound of a squirting and sticky liquid.

-         Is it my blood?

I did not know the answer.

  However, some flashes of a dark cave came to my mind, bringing up the runaway and all people running after me.

Why not the forest ? – l remembered asking it, and the cave was close enough for me.

And that’s it.

However, everything turned the current  black color  of the  old fashioned    conciousness loss.

So, when I woke up, I grasped that I had been beaten, severely, due to my wounds and  my ache body.

-         I think  that an angel or maybe  the police found my agonizing body  and took  me to this   tall green walls, smelling cheap disinfectant making  me  snooze twice , filling my eyes    with stubborn tears wanting  to  roll  down my cheeks, that I could not wipe, as tubes and wires were getting in and out of my right arm, limiting my movements.

-         C’mon!  - I exclaimed, trying to reach the table close to my bed,  where my glasses and some paper handkerchiefs  should be .

-         Damn! This is a waste of time – trying to get one of  my arms rid from a tube connected to a transparent bag.

Using my free hand, I tried to wipe my tears with the bed sheets, in vvain.

With my eyes set on that green wall in front of me.

-         This wall has monitors, oxygen outlets, and an emergency car.

I am in a hospital, or something like this – that was my conclusion. So, I am probably alive,but in life danger.

Let me get out of here!-  I shouted, thinking that maybe a nurse would help me.

Nonetheless, I  just heard a bark coming from the outside.

-         Is anyone there ? – I asked in a loud voice.

Waited, and waited.

And no one came to see me .

-         I am not going to  stay any longer.

So, I started to pull the tubes, and get them out of my arms.

-         Time to run – I said to myself.

On my left, there was a huge window .

-         What if I want to jump out  the window , and fly free as a bird ?

That was not a bad idea.

After all, I was being followed because of my political inclinations against the government.

Well, as far as I remember, they are looking for me, dead I’d alive.

Fine.

So, I sharpened my ears.

-         There is no one coming  - I concluded.

Thereafter, I took my glasses from the night table, sipping the glass of water  beside it.

-         Now, I am ready to be  free – I said,  vibrating with the real meaning of that word.

But, suddenly, I felt such a strong push in all my body,  dominating  every cell of my body, caressing my senses that began to transcend over the shadows, lighting the room, spilling the softness of the liberty hymn echoing  in all its dimensions, breaking down the imposed barriers. .

-         What if there are  torturers  out there, waiting for me with a  gun in their hands

And arrest me without proofs or notice ? I will die, no matter when or how.

 I climbed, anyway, leaving behind those fears and tubes of  the starless ceiling of that green  room,  was  so insipid, so cruelly indifferent,  exactly  when I was bedridden, ill, disabled.

 But that solely fact did not prevent the flying on the wings of the fear I was feeling with the solely thought of being caught, and be tortured again, getting  out of my mind, crossing  the ocean  then clum all the mountains in the world,  in order to escape from the claws of  my own  tyranny, the memory one.

In accordance with it,  my heart exploded, freeing my anima, as well as kissing stars and bathing with the smile of the moon.

 Wandered alongside the sound.

 Plunged into the void that  each one of those experiences brought to me as a part of a  forgetting  the past  process, so I could  deny the loathing  present.

 And thus fragile, I began to move my fingers first, slowly, feeling the mud under my barefoot , and the heat of the movement, insecure by definition.

 After enjoying that moment, I began to move my hand, which was withdrawing itself, doing cartwheels.

 And the arms, which were free, showed me the immensity of space and the distance between me "the patient" and me "the person with identity", hidden  in the forgetful past

-         Well, I guess I have  to go back to the cave, my hiding place.

 I had to do it, facing the pain - not physical, but that pain in the soul that shrinks  every reaction to its minimal expression.

Anyway, everything was so strange that I put my head down while walking.

.Trying not to think about anything.

In a sudden, I   stepped on   a box of dropped  cigarettes.

-         Lucky day! – I exclaimed, looking for a match or maybe a lighter.

And I found a lighter, not so far from the box.

-         Two times lucky   is a celestial sign. The angels from above must be helping me – I joked, lighting the cigarette, unlit because of the windu weather.

I raised my head, and saw many clouds gathering together.

 As the rain started to fall, I enjoyed my cigarrete under a tree, at the entrance of the forest.

-         Is my loyal friend still around ? – looking for the dog, who seemed to have disappeared because of the rain.

The lime lights did not fear me.

-         In an  hour, and I will be there ! – I said, after listening to the church bell ringing.

During the walk, I saw people around me, talking,  laughing, living.

I saw dogs barking and, one of them, looked at me.

And sniffed my shoe, while the others kept barking at me.

But they stopped, synchronized with the traffic light and cars parking.

I stopped there, in the traffic light, as I  realized  that  people passed through my arms and body, and I could not feel it.

-         I am sure I am dead, now. Even the dog pees on.my feet, and I don’t feel it.

Nevertheless, the kept beside me.

Looking at me with the smile of an angel.

-         Did you save me ? – I asked the street dog who kept silent as the fallen night.

Despite my worries,   I saw the forest in front of me, a meter ahead.

On seeing the majesty of the flowerish tree top –

, I decided to get in.

I got in, together with the dog, my guardian angel..

I tossed my cigarette butt into a pool of water that had formed right at my dried feet.

-          Yes -  I said - the rain has already gone, and I'd better go back to the cave behind those two trees.

 That intensity did not last long, because at that very moment I heard the branches of the trees sway. "It must be the wind," I thought without realizing that only the trees were moving.

 I came out from under that tree.

  Above me, the sky seemed to be  clean, starry  and serene.

 I turned my gaze to the other trees: some flowery, others curdled with apples, oranges, loquats, and many others that I did not know their

names.

As far as I can remember,  only some leaf-trees were moving.

 -Was it a cat or maybe .., and raised my head to look at the surroundings.

 - I see nothing. I better go up to see exactly what it is.

 And it went about  twenty or thirty centimeters upper the trunk , but there was only one chaicita flying, there was no wind either - I observed with more attention, and this time opening my eyes better, looking to all sides.

 At first I could not see anything, the branches blocked my vision. I climbed more about twenty centimeters and between the branches of that leafy tree, I realized that it was still moving.

 - Could a cat make such a fuss?

 My curiosity made me stop smoking, and I even put my glasses on to see better and sharpen my hearing.

 Unfortunately, a cat does not wear   a backpack and it surely does not walk.

  In a sudden, I started to  hear voices that came from afar.

 My soul froze.

 Is it them? I asked myself, looking for a last cigarette in my pocket, the one I never found.

 I climbed onto a trunk of the tree that sheltered me.

 I couldn't see anyone.

 It's them – I recognized immediately, so,  my heart started to shoot blood all over my nervous and gastric system

 They would be close, moving the branches, as I continued to feel the warmth of the afternoon.

 It was a group of people dressed in green clothes with military spots going into the jungle, walking in the mud, jumping over fallen leaves, covering their heads with their hands.

 It was them, the police looking for me, as the nurse of the hospital had have noticed my escaping.

 - What are you doing here armed? Will they want to hunt me? he thought, his breathing ragged.

 My stomach twisted inside of me.

 I was sweating cold, just thinking that they could catch me.

 Staying in the tree was like hunting birds, with one shot it kills him. And I am the bird- so I immediately came down from the tree. And I went into the thicket.

 Between two trees I saw the entrance to the grotto.

 I immediately lowered the forty-centimeter climbed and on the tip of my bare feet I went to the grotto, stepping on stones and muddy up to my knee.

 I dodged the branches, and covered the entrance again with branches and more branches.

 It was not a very large  cave,   yet   I could see through a hole in the techno that would allow the passage of it, that there were some bats, a wild mouse and many spiders.

  In that moment, I heard voices getting closer and closer.

 -How much will they pay us?, Asked the peasant with the wet hat, looking away from a drop of rain that dripped in front of him towards the corner of his eye, blocking his vision.

 -When we catch him, replied the chief, better accommodating the blue plastic backpack that he had on his back, stepping with his face to continue among the molles that was ahead.

 Each of them cut the strained lianas from the trees with machetes, opening the way and stirring each fallen tree leaf with their eyes, sniffing like dogs and silently to find my footprints in the mud.

 The men looked at each other.

 I saw him fix his hat, step by step.

He cleaned  the head front with the brown sleeve of his shirt that I imagine one day was white that fell off, the chief's eyes passed over a stone that concealed an entrance tilted by two trees.

 The chief looked at the entrance: there were traces of fallen tree leaves, and the many branches that I put in the entrance

 --There are many branches, he said, observing their arrangement: attacked.

 He threw a stone at the rest of the group, who immediately turned back.

 They looked at the chief who was pointing to the entrance.

 They surrounded the trees and the stone.

 The entrance to the  cave  was dark .

And  the mud was  covering my feet and  theirs, slowling any movement.

 The leader took a flashlight out of his backpack, covering it so as not to make a noise.

 He turned it on.

 At first, his flashlight only illuminated the cracked walls, covered by cobwebs and some bats hidden in the ceiling woke up, taking flight.

 My hands did not want to detach from the walls.

 He was getting closer and closer. He was petrified and my wish in this instant was to turn to stone.

 Until the flashlight hit a shadow.

 The soles of my feet would sting, and if I scratched I made noise - and they would surely find me.

 Or rather, I was shaking as a whole.

 The leader, who carried the lantern in his right embrace and leaned against the wall of the grotto, shook his head in the direction of the shadow.

 . The others, nodding affirmatively, dispersed inside the grotto, one going to the left and the other two to the right, while the leader silently drew a pistol from his backpack, putting the flashlight in his mouth.

-          We are armed,  and there are four of us. Do you give up or do you prefer to be hunted? asked the leader.

 I started to break out in a cold sweat.

 I had forty dives, something overweight and my bald head gleaming, my eyes coming out of the orbit from so much fear that I felt about being killed for speaking to me, you will see it.

 His jaws were tightly closed.

 The stiff legs did not allow me to move my step to get out from behind the fence where my body was compressed and sweating until my tongue seemed stuck in my teeth.

 My glasses  were  slipping from my nose, "I'm going to lose them," he thought.

 They kept talking, this time closer:

 How much did you say it was?

-          One hundred thousand pesos .

-         For each  one ?

-          Yes.

-         That wax the reward for catching me – I am sure about that terrible thought that made me  shiver until my cap fell off, amid the parched feces of the bats.

-          It is my end, I sentenced, trembling.

 The leader, upon hearing the noise of the fall, realized that   my glasses were   right at his feet,  reaching out with his hairy arm to lift it up.

-          Is this cap yours?

 The leader approached them to me, as if to give them back.

 And instinctively, I reached out to receive the cap.

 Well. So come pick it up, he told me with a sarcastic smile on his face.

 And he brought her down, trampling and destroying the cap, now buried in the mud and shit.

 Not even shitting he was going to put it on me like that

 I left it.

 The leader whistled.

 It was the signal to catch me.

 The other members came out of the shadows and without much work, they grabbed me.

 At that very moment, I felt a blow near my head.

 Instinctively, I put my foot between the man's feet.

 And I made it fall.

 The leader came ahead of me, a pistol in his hand.

 He couldn't throw me at the gun.

 He would kill me like that.

 So I looked at the floor.

 There were vipers

 With my foot, I threw it at his face.

 The leader, for an instant put his hand to avoid the vipers.

 And I took the opportunity to take the gun from him, falling on him.

 The gun fell to the floor, too.

 Overpowered, and I was punching him in the face, his stomach.

 I managed to grab the dropped gun.

 I put it on his forehead.

 The he had a knife hidden in his stocking.

 And he pulled it out.

 He was going to nail it to my back.

 I pulled the trigger.

But I remember feeling a kind of stabbing in my back, at the same time I could see some scared vipers due to those man running  towards the entrance of the cavern, asking :

- What is that?

 "Barking vipers ! Thousands of barking vipers!" – one of them answered, with the typical frozen smile of the cowards.

And run away