Crimson First

Second.

The word that reverberates on her brain making her eye twitch with a nervous tic.

Second.

The word that stings every time she sees it.

Second.

The word that crawls under her skin like an invisible snake, eating her inside out.

But not anymore. Tonight, she will not be invisible. Tonight, they will remember her.

All her life Lilly got used to being just that, the second one.The second choice.

She was the firstborn but nothing compared to her younger brother - the favourite. The one who got all the attention.

Lilly had been a restless child, always running around, discovering the world in her own way. But when her brother was born, he was the perfect, quiet baby. She started to notice she annoyed her parents, so she changed. She became quiet. She tried to please them by becoming furniture in her own home.

And it worked too well. She went from being an annoying little thing to invisible. So every time she spoke out of turn or did something she shouldn’t, like the time she took her brother for ice cream without permission thinking their parents would be glad about her getting initiative but then he got sick and they blamed her even though she got sick too.

They got mad and just focused on the perfect little one.

It didn’t change as they grew up. For her 21st birthday, her parents decided, surprisingly, to celebrate her. They got her a cake and everything, just to be ruined by the fact that instead Lilly's name was her brother’s written in icing . A mistake, they said. A mistake that made her choke back tears as the candles melted down.

Unfortunately it wasn’t only birthdays, every Christmas, important events all revolved around her brother.

At home wasn’t the only place this happened. Back in school and in high school Lilly was ignored and never picked the first for anything, even the teachers forgot about her existence.

In university? She spent her years bouncing around trying to prove herself to the professors who forgot she even submitted papers that she knew could win awards.

Those who didn’t forget? Never gave her the recognition. She was always the second.

When she finished, on graduation night, of course she was the second best of the class. Not because the other student was better, they had the same exact average grade. But because the university just decided to put the other student above Lilly, without further explanation than he appeared above on the list.

The time Lilly started looking for a job, the same happened for a while in every interview she had. Someone better always popped out of the blue, making the company hire them instead of her.

At her last interview she made, the guy who was going to steal the job from her, vanished without trace, making her for once the one and only option available.

Once she started working, inside the company kept happening anyway. Her boss didn’t give her any recognition, favouring her colleagues over her. Always giving her the least interesting things to do. She tried so hard to be on top, to be noticed. To be the one.

It didn’t matter, there was always someone who was better. Lilly was easily forgotten, degraded to the second position, every single time.

And you could think Lilly could cope with it if her life outside the office was any better. But it wasn’t. Her friends were the exact same. They got married, had children, chose others for maid of honor, for godmother. They forgot her birthdays, though she never forgot theirs.

With boyfriends it was the same. The few she had, never last long enough because she was never a priority to them, never the chosen one. So much so, that normally after breaking up they find the love of their life right after.

Second, she was always the second.

But not anymore. This was the last time they forgot about her.

Reading the news of the award — the one that should have been hers — Lilly knew. This was the last time they would forget her.

“Tonight they will remember me”, Lilly repeats to herself as she gets ready. Determined to not let this happen again

She is ready to be the one, once and for all.

Yes, she is.

“I’m not SECOND!”, her inner voice screams inside her head, her eye twitching as never before, with the invisible snake moving inside her body, threatening to ultimately destroy it from the inside out.

Because this time, Lilly will not let anybody steal her spot, she will have her place. She will show them where she belongs and nobody will be able to say otherwise.

In between deceptions and painful moments she had studied to get ready for this occasion, how to arrive, what to say and do, how to act. How to get in the spotlight and shine like she should have all her life.

She gets everything in the car and drives peacefully to the event, knowing that tonight is the night. After this, they will respect her and choose her.

Nobody will ever step into her shadow.

As the building gets into view Lilly can’t help but smile at herself, she feels ready. She isn’t even nervous as she steps out of the car, bag in hand. She walks into the venue with a grin on her face. The white dress flows around her gracefully.

Everybody spots her, every expression is of surprise to see her there, of course they forgot to even invite her but nobody feels guilty enough to apologise. They just greet her and say they are glad that she has come.

But their faces change as she gets to the stage, drops the bag and pulls out the gun.

Yeah, nobody will forget her anymore, nobody will forget even her name.

Lilly doesn’t think twice when the first person approaches her to try to calm her down. The echo of the first gunshot fills the room. The gunpowder burns her nostrils. The voice of the man who was talking to her is replaced by deadly silence then the screams.

Everybody tries to run away, but Lilly's shot is clean and accurate.

Not much later she has painted the walls and floor in red.

Panting for air, satisfied with her work, Lilly finally drops the gun and walks out of the building with the same grinning expression. Her face, hands and white dress stained in crimson - a grotesque masterpiece.

As she reaches the sidewalk, she sits down to wait for them to come and get her.

Knowing that finally, for the first time, she was not second. She was the only one.