Inquisition

“Bishop” Fisher was a schismist. There really wasn’t any room for debate about that.He openly stated he believed the pope was a servant of satan and he wasn’t willing to serve him. That coming from a bishop is pretty much guaranteed to divide church which is the dictionary definition of schismism,

He claimed Pope Dominico “supported open immigration” (True and so does Jesus,most closed border arguments are based on the idea citizens with your citizenship are worth more than non-citizens without it. The church always sorted people into good christians, bad christians, and non-christians; sorting people by citizenship was silly. ) "Environmentalism” ( I was under the impression everyone was an environmentalist until asked to pay for it. Bishop Fisher however saw environmentalism as a bad thing?!?!) and “the LGBTQ agenda” (Catholics consider homosexuality a sin and Pope Dominico has done nothing to change that so I really don’t know what the bad Bishop  was talking about)

He is being tried in absentia by the Dicastery for the Doctrine of the Faith, which I serve as an investigator. I Personally prefer our old title.Inquisitioners.The church is a dictatorship, but it is not a tyranny, he has the right to represent himself or send an attorney, but has chosen not to do so, claiming he does not acknowledge the authority of the tribunal.

This was not the middle ages; political realities make it impossible for us to burn him at the stake, the worst we can do to him is  order his ex-communication. Which was a problem. He could pull his followers with him into whatever new schismist church he creates after his last ties to Rome are severed

. Thus I am in Chicago investigating him, not to prove his guilt, but to find scandal that could weaken his personal appeal and prevent others from following him away from the light.

Chicago was a city known for scandals, but I was having a hard time finding any that would help me. No signs of any misappropriated church funds… if anything his parish had too much money…

“Oh I think I can explain that! Bishop Fisher is a bit of a celebrity around here, so I gave him a grand, to baptize my kids personally and make it a big show, if a lot of other people are paying him for those kinds of things, he probably has more money than he needs and is adding the extra to parish funds ” said the accountant who volunteered to keep the parishes books. Depending on what rites he was charging for he may be guilty of Simony, but his followers will just see him as a generous workaholic showman. This isn’t a scandal that can weaken his popularity.

He lived in a rectory owned by the church,so  as a representative of the Vatican I have the legal right to inspect it. None the less I picked the lock and entered secretly while he was performing a wedding for some millionaire,  because I didn’t want him to know he was being investigated. He had a decent amount of alcohol, but sadly enough to prove he wasn’t an alcoholic. Alcoholics don’t store the fancy bottles of whiskey or brandy they are given as gifts. They consume them.

Many seminary graduates have use clever bible references as passwords for their electronic devices. I used “RoamerJob1:7” . He had a picture of United States Marines serving in Iraq above his computer desk(He wasn’t in the picture, so it wasn’t from his tour as a chaplin. Possibly one of the Marines was his brother?). I grinned when I recognized the ruins around them, as they gave me the key to his Password “IraqCityRevelations17:5”

I found something that looked like a love letter… but it was addressed to the blessed virgin. He played more video games than people would expect from a catholic bishop, which is to say the normal amount for a single man who isn’t looking for a girlfriend. His search history … bingo! He was looking up escorts!

I found he had a “GFE appointment” booked for later that evening. A few photos for tomorrow's news and his threat will be nullified.

***

INTERVIEWER: Would you care to explain the photo of you giving money to a known prostitute.

FISHER: No, but I suppose I need to.

INTERVIEWER: I’d say without any context it looks like you were soliciting her services

FISHER:I was

INTERVIEWER (shocked): You were!?! And are admitting it here on the local news??

FISHER:Since the death of my brother, I’ve had no family but the church, and now the church is in the process of ex-communicating me because I insist on sticking to the values of Jesus. It’s a hard time.

INTERVIEWER: so you violated your vow of celibacy under psychological stress? 

FISHER: No.

INTERVIEWER: Explain?

FISHER: The young woman in the picture offers a “Girlfriend Experience” in which for 200$ an hour she will do anything a girlfriend in a healthy relationship would. In healthy relationships when your spouse needs someone to hug them and tell them everything will be all right you do that. She commit many sins in her professional life, but dishonesty is not among them. She gave me the girlfriend type services I needed.

INTERVIEWER: Don’t you think it may have been more appropriate to get such services from some sort of licensed therapist if you needed to pay for them?

FISHER: Most therapists are passionately liberal atheists. I may be a sinner but I’m not a satanist!

INTERVIEWER: And we’re supposed to believe you?.

FISHER: Concerning what I did with the young lady you could try interviewing her. I waive my right to professional confidentiality and authorize her to tell the truth about our encounter to anyone who is interested.

Concerning me being a sinner, I guess you’ll have to take it on faith. I really wasn’t expecting to be challenged on that claim!

INTERVIEWER; Well we will certainly look for an out for her

***

Fisher looked over the crowd come to attend his church. Most were there simply out of curiosity to see the man who could hire a prostitute and commit no sin with her. But it is right and proper that curiosity come before faith. If people became convinced they were right before making any effort to find, truth, very little truth would be discovered.