The Brooklyn Beast Makes A Friend In Us

This story takes place in Brooklyn, New York circa 1985. It should be read in a very thick, and I mean thick, Brooklyn accent. Do your best.

My friend was swallowed by a monster. No, seriously. A nine-foot, six-inch, revoltingly repugnant, seriously savage, warty and weighty blue-ish, purple-ish, incredibly fat creature devoured my friend in one bite. Like a gavone would at Sunday dinner. He’s ok though.

Let me tell you about it?

We were about to ride our bikes to the park. It was dusk. My Ma told us it was too late to go to the park, that it was getting dark out and she didn't want us ridin’ at night. It wasn't safe. "It's not safe, ma? Whattya tawkin' about? It's me. It's Tony. Whattya think's gonna happen? We're the two toughest guys in our class, on the block for that matta!" I flipped my hat backwards so she could see how tough I was, then flashed my wash-off eagle tattoo that was fading from my forearm. "You can't go, and that's my final answer. Keep askin’ and I’ll get yaw father to weigh in,” Ma yelled. She doesn’t mean to yell. Her indoor voice is the same as her outdoor voice, and not on purpose. She was born and raised in Brooklyn, New York and has Sicilian parents. So we went, and not because I wanted to disrespect my Ma or anything like that. But because, well...

We were feelin’ ourselves. Tony is my pal. My guy. My absolute best friend in the entire world. Both of us had our new Air Jordans on, buffed and polished, straight out the box. Not a scratch. Not a dent. We felt hot. We felt handsome. We were hot. We were handsome. You know what I'm tawkin' about? We were two incredibly good-looking, eight-year-old men on red bikes, ready to ride. And also because we knew Lianna and Angie were going to be there. They told us to meet them at 7, so that's what we intended to do. You know what I mean? We had our backpacks on. Tony with his black one, me with my blue one. The name's Flavio, by the way, but my boys call me Flav. Don't think I mentioned that yet. Are you followin'?

So we get to the park, and we’re a little late. Like I said, we were supposed to be there at 7, and we got there at 7:10. Our lady friends are already there with their pink blankets sprawled out on the grass. They might’ve been purple. I couldn’t really tell because it was dark. I mean, I already told ya. My motha didn’t want us at the park so late because it was twilight hour or whateva. But the ladies were going to be there, so we felt an obligation. Ya know? Angie’s crackin’ her Juicy Fruit between her molers. Really sassy and all. We walk up to them and I say hi to her. She had these brand new kicks on; white high-top converse. I mean, she’s the most beautiful woman I’ve ever laid eyes on. Truly. She has short blond hair, green eyes and rosy, rosy cheeks. I just wanna kiss ‘em. Lemme tell ya. I really wanna kiss ‘em. Her cheeks, I mean. I get this weird tingly in my stomach every time I see her at school, which is either everyday or every otha day, depending on whether I decide to show up or not. You know what I mean? It's like love or somethin’, that fluttery feeling I get. I mean, that’s what love must feel like. But how would I know? I don't know much about love. I'm 8. 

Tony goes in the for the hug with Lianna. I say hi to Angie.

"Hi Angie. I like your pink blanket. Can we join you?" 

"Shaw, Flav. Sit down. We brought a coupla Baby Ruth. Want one?" 

I took a Baby Ruth. I love chawcolate. A lot. And it takes a lot for me to resist a Baby Ruth. They might be my favorite. Runts are a close second. You know what I mean? Tony pulled a candy cigarette out of his pocket and pretended to smoke. He asked me for a light and at that point I started cacklin’ because, Tony… it’s candy…and you’re 8.

So we're sitting in the park on the pink blankets with the girls, and I swear on my motha's grave, this thing steps out from behind the trees and, I’m just gonna cut to the chase…it comes runnin’ towards the four of us at lightning speed. It's gotta be like 10 feet tall, and it's blue. Or maybe purple. Like I said, it was dark. It had warts all over its body, and it was really fat. It had no teeth, so at this point we're not that scared. Are ya picturin’ this thing? Are ya? At that point, I didn’t know what to think, and neither did the otha three that were sitting on the pink blankets with me. We're kind of all just sitting there, staring at the monster running towards us, tryin' to figure out if this was really happenin’ or not. The girls weren’t even screamin’. Tony’s still smoking his candy cigarette. That’s how confused we were. All I could think about was my precious Ma who told us not to come to the park because it was twilight hour or whateva, and how I’m gonna have to somehow explain this to her when I get home. 

So I’ve heard about this thing in the movies, I think. The Brooklyn Beast. I mean, I haven’t seen that many movies. I’m 8. But that’s the first thing that came to mind when I saw this thing runnin’ at us. It looked exactly what I was used to seein’ on the big screen. It’s a monster that roams Bay Ridge and eats little kids. It doesn’t have teeth though, just swallows them whole. Can you imagine? So I assumed that's what was about to happen. I ain’t no psychic, but I had a sense that we’d be swallowed in the next minute or so. But what do I know? All I knew is that we were in a little bit of a pickle, and our evenin’ was about to take a turn.

Sure enough, the Beast ran straight up to the pink blankets in the park, picked Tony up by his left leg, and swallowed him whole. I swear to God! He slurped Tony down like a SpaghettiO. One minute he was there, and the next he was gone. 

And you definitely won’t believe what happened next.

The Beast sat down next to us. That’s right. I swear to God. He swallowed Tony, and then sat down on the pink blankets. Like you could still hear Tony’s screams coming from inside of his big, fat, blue belly. And you could see him tryna’ punch through. His lil’ fists and stuff. No one knew what to say, so I jumped in, of course. Leave it to Flav to make things happen, you know what I mean? So I asked him to give our friend back. “Can we have our friend back, please?” The Beast just stared at us, as I can say with confidence that he’d never been asked that question before. I didn’t really expect him to answer back. Monsters can’t speak english, can they? I spoke slower. “You’ve - got - my - friend - in - you.” I pointed to myself, and then to the monster’s belly. The Beast’s head tilted to the right, as if he was trying to understand what I was sayin’. He pointed to me, and then back to himself. “Friend. You? Me?” He said. “No, no. You’ve - got - my - friend - in - side - of - you. You swallowed him.” The Beast stared at all of us, one by one. The girls looked a little frightened at this point, but they kept their cool. He started to speak again. “You’ve - got - a - friend - in - me?” He pointed to his own belly. “YOU’RE NOT UNDERSTANDIN’ ME YOU BEAST!” I shouted, real loud at this point. I lost my cool. I mean, I was getting mad. Like really mad. Tony was inside of him. These girls were actin’ all innocent like they hadn’t just seen a monster swallow my friend in a matter of seconds. 

But after I shouted, the Beast looked real sad. I saw tears start to fall from his eyes, and it cawt me off guard a bit, you know what I mean? I don’t do well with tears. I haven’t had to do well with tears. I’m 8. 

“Me want friend,” said the Beast. And he looked down at his big, warty gut. He put his finger in his ginormous belly button. “Tony. Friend?” Ok, so, beats me as to how the thing knew Tony’s name. But I swear to God. He did. He referred to him as Tony. Lianna chimed in. Madonna mia. About time. “We’ll be your friends if you give us Tony back, ok?” She popped a Baby Ruth into her mouth. I mean, now didn’t seem like the best time to eat a Baby Ruth, but I never really understood women and why they do what they do, you know what I mean? To be honest, this seemed like a pretty decent deal. If I were the Beast, I’d take it. The monster tilted its head again. It was trying to understand what Lianna had just said. “Friend back. You? Me? Friends?” He was getting it. “Yes! yes. We can all be friends, if you give us Tony back.”

And then he did. He reached into his mouth, grabbed Tony’s left leg and dragged him out of his esophagus like a chicken bone. He put him back onto one of the pink blankets. “Friend. Back,” the Beast said out loud. It was miraculous. Tony looked scared, but not that scared. I told ya. We’re the two toughest guys on the block. Ain’t nothin’ gonna make us that scared, you know what I’m tawkin’ about? Even a monster swallowin' us and stuff. I asked Tony if he was ok, and he was. And then I remembered that we had our end of the deal to uphold, some business to care of. The Beast remembered too. “Friends. Us?” Angie, my angelic Angie, said, “Yes, Beast. You’ve got a friend in us.” She made a circular motion with her hands, pointing to each and everyone of us.

Angie held out a Baby Ruth. “Want?” She asked. The Beast was hesitant. I can say with confidence that the thing had neva swallowed anythin' so small in his entire life. He grabbed the piece of candy from Angie’s hand, almost taking her arm off. Obviously, the thing didn’t chew it. He didn’t even take the wrapper off. I mean, he didn’t chew Tony. Why would he chew the candy? “Sweet! Gooooood.” The Beast rubbed its belly and asked for anotha one. You give an inch, they take a mile. You know what I mean? Angie dumped a couple more Ruths into the giant’s hand, and then threw one onto my lap. I’m not gonna lie, I blushed a bit. Tony took another candy cigarette out of his pocket. I threw him a lighter. Felt like the kid needed a little boost after being swallowed by a monster. 

I inched closer to Angie and grabbed her hand. “FLAVIO, WHATTYA DOIN’?” I pulled my hand away. Tony laughed. Ok, maybe I jumped the gun on that one. Cut me some slack. I’m 8.