Dating sucks

I knew it. There he was again. I stopped to do some window shopping and I spotted him hiding(?) a few storefronts down.. Is he looking at rings? He was stopped in front of a jewelry shop, wearing very dark glasses “looking” at the display in the window, but I noticed him glancing in my direction every so often. He’s really not very good at this stealthy stuff. Every time I look in his general direction, he tries to be engrossed in the jewels shining brightly in their cases.

Today, he tried to cover his unruly blonde hair underneath a baseball cap. Too bad the cap looks like he just bought it, I’m surprised I don’t see the price tag hanging down. He’s wearing his favorite “Guy Harvey” shirt, it seems to be his favorite since he’s also named Guy. It’s the one that he likes to wear when he’s following me. Like I said, he’s not too good at this. But as a narcissist, he probably thinks he’s undetectable. I’ve pegged him watching me too many times not to notice what he’s wearing, where he is, and what he’s doing. I must say this has become quite the bore. I guess I’m supposed to be unnerved, but honestly, it’s just become, well, boring.

I start to make my way to the next window and *gasp* so does he. Women’s shoes must be as interesting as jewelry. He picked up where I left off. I hope he likes the beautiful Prada pumps that I could never afford. Too bad, I don’t think he has as much interest in them as I do. Maybe I should have gone into the store to try them on and see if he would just move along. I don’t know him well enough to know what floats his boat. I was not afraid, but more bothered that he was following me again. 

He had never gotten close enough to grab me, so I falsely assumed that would it would stay the same way. Boy, I was wrong on that assumption.

The following day, I found him outside of my brownstone staring up at my room, not moving for hours, therefore rendering me locked inside. This was definitely annoying. I decided I should go about my day and I finally ventured out. I tried to pass by him, but he grabbed my upper arms, and he started in with, “Where are you going, Melissa? We had plans, you need to come with me.“ and tried to steer me in the opposite direction. That was a big no in my eyes; we never had plans, I attempted to stay brave and directly said, “let me go”, but he only squeezed harder until I felt the bruising start. He looked down at his hands holding me and finally released me. I scurried away like the scared mouse he wanted me to be. I rounded the corner and tried to calm my nerves and saw that he was pursuing me. I ended up ducking into the nearest coffee shop and watched out the window until the barista asked me if I was ok. Luckily, my savior was a big guy, and although I didn’t say anything, he noticed the menacing look from my pursuer and chased him off. I started shaking and tried to understand how this all occurred, when did my life become this way?

Guy and I met on a stupid dating site. I had been very lonely and thought that I could meet a nice guy online. We texted back and forth for a few days, and he seemed “normal” so I accepted his invitation out. We decided to meet for dinner. 

Once we sat at the table, I realized this was not the charming man I had been texting. He appeared brooding and controlling from the start. He took my menu out of my hands and ordered my dinner without even asking what I’d like. When I tried to give the waiter my actual choice, I was shushed by him and dismissed with his hand in my face. Who did he think he was? I was to find out soon enough, and actually found out way more information about him since he talked on and on about himself without a pause to inquire about me. It felt like hours yet when I glanced at my phone to check the time, only minutes had passed. Right after that one disastrous date, ok, during it, I immediately knew that we were incompatible. I wanted to escape right then but being taught at a young age to be polite, I listened to his monologue much longer than I desired. Our food arrived, and he started shoveling his into his mouth, while continuing to talk and not notice that my dish was getting cold as it was untouched. I got a word in finally and let him know that I wasn’t feeling well and needed to leave. He offered me a ride home, but I was able to feign illness convincingly, and he called a ride-share car for me. 

When he phoned me bright and early (much too early) the next morning, not even bothering to see how I was feeling but to inform me what a match we were, that he had already told his parents about me, and they couldn’t wait for us to visit. I again wasn’t allowed to form words, so once we hung up, I texted him unequivocally letting him know that I didn’t feel we were a good match and told him that he should find someone else. This was met with a response from him “laughing” at my attempt of humor. I was deemed his “soul mate “, by him, and nothing would stop us from being together. I chose not to reply, I blocked him and figured that was the end. Apparently, he thought differently and if he couldn’t reach me by phone, he’d show up wherever I was to declare his undying love for me, and he began to follow me when his love was not being returned.

It’s been 3 long months of this cat and mouse chase. It’s tiring. I tried to tell the local police precinct about it, only to be met with “Has he assaulted you? “ If not, just ignore him.” I was then dismissed. 

Ignore him? He’s 6’1 to my 5-foot nothing. It also appears like he spends his time that he’s not using me as his personal walking guide, at the gym. He’s imposing. I’m not. I’m 100lbs soaking wet, no muscle tone whatsoever, and the last time I had to chase someone was when Charley, my Persian long-haired cat, got out. Luckily, that was only for a block until he realized that the can opener only worked in my flat, and he came home. As annoying as this was becoming, and my staying in this arrangement is not what I wanted, I had decided to try and ignore him. It was my only option I feared. Though, if in the event it escalated past this stalking phase, I wasn’t quite sure what my game plan would be. 

I’m an adult, ok, a young adult, but it’s time I spread my wings. I need some independence. I’ve been sheltered my entire life, and I wanted to prove to myself that I can be on my own. Yet, I didn’t seem to have the latest clue on what to do being the target of Guy’s infatuation and relentless pursuits. How did I get so lucky? Like I said, we had that one date that, in my opinion, was over within the first 15 minutes, but I since I had been taught to be polite at all costs, I endured another painful 45 minutes of his staring at me over the one drink I ordered and the untouched food until I felt that I could politely escape. But no, he had decided we were supposed to be together and whatever I thought was irrelevant.

That night we met, I had left the restaurant and climbed into my waiting Uber and immediately started texting my bestie from home to complain about the whole dinner fiasco, when I realized he was hiding in the bushes once I reached my place. I don’t know how he got there before me, but he did, and he thought I couldn’t see him, semi hiding. I tried to laugh it off to myself, but I was becoming a bit alarmed. He was not walking away, he planted himself outside of my apartment building. I had my keys out a block before the car reached my place, put between my fingers as a weapon of some sort. I really didn’t know if I would ever be able to use them on a person, and didn’t want to find out. Amazingly, once I reached the door step, Mr. Baldy from apartment 6A was walking out, and I didn’t need to fumble them into the locks. Once the door was closed, I felt much more relaxed knowing that unless he was known in this building, no one was going to allow him access. The building wasn’t fancy, but we all got used to each other’s faces, if not names, and were a protective bunch. I went right to the elevator, not stopping to grab my mail, and pressed the close button about 10 times, knowing that would bring the doors closed much quicker. Once I reached my floor, I all but sprinted to my door and made it safely inside. All three locks were engaged, and I decided not to turn any bright lights on so he wouldn’t notice me peeking out the window. Charley seemed happy to see me home at a decent time and thought he should be fed again. I tried to stay on task and write the night up as a reminder not to get on anymore dating sites. I carefully looked through the blinds to see if he finally had moved on, but to my dismay, I saw him staring upward at the windows. His eyes seemed locked on mine. 

Why did I insist on a room with a view when I was signing the year-long lease? If I knew this was in my future, I’d have happily taken that room overlooking the dumpster and alley. But no, I got the one where now I am hiding in the dark trying to discuss this situation with Charley, who unceremoniously lost interest as soon as the treats ended. I spent the night peering through the smallest crack in the blinds to see if he was still there, and he was until I finally fell asleep under said blinds around 4am. My alarm on my phone shrilled at my normal 6 am wake up that usually provided me with more than enough time to eat, shower and walk the 6 blocks to work. This morning, I decided that using one of my few sick days was to be taken. I was sick, but sick from worry might not have gone over well with my boss, so I decided on the stomach bug excuse, since I knew that would not be questioned or even asked about in detail regarding my ailment. I stiffly got up off the floor and took another look outside, and noticed he was gone. Thank goodness, maybe I could grab some real sleep in a bed and not on the floor. My brain disagreed, though, and I tossed and turned until Charley announced that it was way past feeding time. I dragged myself into my tiny kitchen, gave him his breakfast, made the strongest coffee I could, and decided enough was enough. I needed to be proactive, not the weak pansy I realized I was, and I started an internet search for self-defense classes. I found one that was being offered right in my neighborhood, by the same police precinct I had just visited. If nothing else, I figured he wasn’t that narcissistic to enter a police department, so that was the choice for me.

The classes began the following week. That meant I would have to be especially vigilant about going out, but I decided one week wasn’t a lifetime, hopefully not my lifetime, at least. I was right about him not loving the idea about my new nighttime routine. The first evening I left my place to walk the 4 blocks to the police station, he was there on my heels, but when he saw where I was headed, he magically disappeared. I decided that that in itself was worth the enrollment fee, whether I learned any self-defense or not. This became the new routine, he’d follow me around except on the nights my class was being held.

I think the police station spooked him a bit.. yay.. and he backed off the first 2 weeks, staying in the distance. Once he figured out my new routine, he returned to his closer pattern. I was feeling more confident with my newly acquired self-defense classes. I had learned a few more things along with the keys between my fingers suggestion. I walked taller with more awareness, I tried to exude more security in my steps, thinking this would stop his progress.

The last night of the class, my newly formed friend from the classes and I went to have a quick drink afterwards. We were having a wonderful time, lost in conversation and comparing stories. When we hugged goodbye with promises of seeing each other soon, she and I walked off in our different directions. I hadn’t spotted Guy until about 3 blocks from my home, but like the past few weeks, he was keeping his distance. I reached the apartments without incident and went to my mailbox. In my box, I was super excited to see what appeared to be a formal wedding invitation. That was thrilling, I loved a good wedding even when I didn’t have a plus one. Maybe things were changing for the better, I could hope, right? I decided to open the invite right there, since I was wondering which of my friends was going to be a Mrs soon. I read the names and was confused at first. Melissa Simons will be married to Guy… wait! I am Melissa Simons! He had made wedding plans? For us? Ok, this was the last straw. I was mad, my anger was boiling over. I looked through the glass on the side of the entrance door and there he was on the sidewalk, sporting a big smile. That was it! I was going to tell him off, right now. I flung the door open so fast it slammed against its frame, and sounded like a shot. I startled myself, thinking immediately that it was a shot, but then realized it was the door bouncing off the frame. It must have scared Guy as well, I saw him take 2 steps backwards off the sidewalk onto the street. As luck would have it, my luck apparently, he stepped backwards right into an oncoming city bus. The sound was deafening, it was a combination of metal, glass and crunching bones all at the same time. My hand instinctively flew to my mouth as my brain tried to comprehend what was occurring. Since he was facing me, I saw his eyes opening wide and then closing on impact. Neighbors flew outside, to see what happened. The bus driver was in shock and was attempting first aid, but even from my vantage point I saw it was useless. Guy was no longer Guy, but an empty shell of a person. His body started to shrink and my initial shock turned into awareness. He was gone. I would never have wished death on anyone, but I felt nothing right then. No remorse, no glee, but an overwhelming sense of freedom. People were talking all at once, I heard an ambulance approaching, the police were already there taking over first aid, until I noticed the looks pass between the officers. The ambulance came, then a white sheet was placed over the “victim”. He didn’t have any ID on him, and questions were being tossed around, “Does anyone know this man? What was he doing before the accident occurred? Why did he stumble right into the bus’s pathway?” I was being jostled by tenants from my building, yet I seemed to be glued to my spot. Once I comprehended what just happened, I stepped back into the hallway, I got into the elevator’s open doors and pressed the button for my floor. I walked like a zombie into my apartment; I could still hear the commotion down below. Charley was disturbed by the noise so I picked him up and nuzzled his beautiful fur, and he actually allowed me this small moment of comfort. I got him some tuna from the cabinet and let him know we were having a celebration of sorts. He leapt out of my arms and immediately started in on his treat. I looked down and noticed that I dropped the wedding invitation. I stared at it with unbelieving eyes and slowly picked it up. I tore it into a million pieces and deposited it into my recycling bin. Then I put on my favorite dancing music and danced around my little room; I found myself singing, not to the lyrics to the playing music, but to a song I just invented. “He’s gone Charley, the big bad man is gone,” this song played over and over out loud, and I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror, I was smiling and crying simultaneously. My nightmare was over. Guy was gone forever, I found that I could really breathe again. I checked my phone and made sure I had canceled the dating app, no more unknown men were to be invited into my life. I was free. My tears dried up, and my brightest smile was back.