Coffee Date

The television was blaringly loud. The news reporter was going on about four students who had been found dead about three hours outside of town. The parents were being interviewed, the teachers were being interviewed, the students were being interviewed.

Ben turned the story down, taking note of the university being mentioned as being his and Rob’s.

He put his elbows on the table, put his fingers together and rested his chin on top of them.

Frowning, he said,

“Are you serious?”

“I am indeed.” Rob said, taking an unapologetic sip from his coffee.

“No.” Ben leant back in dismay.

“Yes.” Rob quirked an eyebrow, “How else do you think I got back here?”

“Oh, I’m sorry. I thought you might have arrived more simply.” Ben said, “Perhaps by umbrella.”

“Oh,” Rob put down his coffee and smiled cheekily, “Umbrellas are far too mainstream for me -”

“Of course they are.”

“- I prefer houses attached to balloons.”

Ben rolled his eyes but didn’t reply. Instead, he picked up his own cup of coffee and took a sip.

“It started this morning at about 6am when I woke up to take the dog for a walk.” Rob said, “Were you up this morning? It was foggier than I’ve ever seen it. I had all my spidey senses telling me I probably shouldn’t go -”

“Why did you?” Ben said.

Rob looked irritated at having been interrupted,

“You know me. No time for common sense. Anyway, I took the dog out and walked my usual route towards the park. You know the little park I’m talking about? It had all the runaway budgies in the trees. I took you there once. You remember?”

“Yup.”

“Good. Well, I was heading that way when I noticed a black...I don’t know...Toyota, Maybe? Anyway, a black car coming my way.”

“Always a creepy black car in the dead of night.”

“I know, right? I mean, I guess it would be stupid to rock up in a bright red jeep, but...I would. You know?”

Ben laughed uncertainly.

“Anyway,” Rob continued, “Black, scary car coming my way. It was 6am, it was foggy. A recipe for disaster I was just not seeing. I was hardly awake. All the wrong things. But, I had a mind to get slightly suspicious of this ugly thing starting to slow as it came towards me.

“By this stage, though, I was already in the park. I didn’t want to run back onto the road and down a dark alley to get to my house. Too risky, I thought.”

“But you were in a pitch dark park, Rob.” Ben said, “Maybe more risky?”

Rob gave him a stern look. A look that only Rob could pull off. A look that announced Ben’s idiocy,

“You really aren’t a morning person, are you...Sunrise is at 6.30, you fool. 6am is dawn. Wait it out in the park and the sun’s on my side. Go home through a dark alleyway and I’ll never be seen again.”

“I guess it doesn’t matter now.” Ben noted.

“Exactly, so chillax your guava.” Rob said irritably, “Now, may I continue?”

Ben bit his lip.

“I took doggo and myself deeper into the park and when I was deep enough, I took a look behind me to see where the car might be. Still there but there were people. Three, to be exact.” Rob held up three fingers, “conspiring.”

“Conspiring!”

“Conspiring! I couldn’t hear what they were saying but I knew they were looking for me. I just knew.” Rob took a sip of his coffee and gulping it down, he continued, “So, I ran. I wanted away and out of that park. I knew there was an exit on the other side as well as a main road. Main road. People. Safety. Right?”

“Right.”

“So, there I was. Running for my life, doggo in tow. But I was caught off guard. There were four of the bastards, Ben!”

“Oh God...did...did you just not -”

“I don’t know, man! Out of nowhere, got me around my waist and before I could scream for help, I had my hands tied behind my back and a sock shoved in my mouth.” He paused, “Tasted like sock, anyway.”

“You would know what sock tastes like.” Ben smiled coyly.

Rob laughed but cut him off,

“Stop! This is a serious story. I was being kidnapped!”

“Ah yes. Please continue.” Ben said, “What happened to doggo?”

“At that point? I didn’t know. Dark, terrified. Couldn’t see anything. I heard a whimper when we first got in the car, though, so he was with me. Scared out of my brain, Ben, we drove for what felt like...years!”

“Did they say anything about why they took you?” Ben asked.

“No. The only thing I was told was, ‘shut your mouth or we’ll kill you and leave your body in a ditch somewhere no one will find you.’ Enough to scare me. Although, there are now over 7 billion people in the world so...chances are someone will, you know?”

“Yeah...Rob, I don’t think that was the point.”

“Of course it wasn’t, you silly goose.” Rob said.

“I’ve never been associated with a bird before.” Ben answered him thoughtfully.

“A goose, no less. Surprisingly graceful creatures. You’re welcome.” Rob gave him an unexpectedly gentle smile, “So, we’re driving along and as the sun comes up, I begin to realise, we’re driving out of town and we’re getting more and more desolate. I realised then, Ben, that the 7 billion people thing was not helpful. I needed to make a plan. Because these were four angry, evil looking men. They were going to kill me. Or molest me. Do something terrible.”

“Right.”

“So I needed to do something. But what?”

Ben shrugged.

“I had a knife in my sock. Always carry one with me. Should have gotten it out earlier, I admit, but I was panicking. Anyway, hands behind my back and all, getting it was going to be a challenge.”

“What was your plan, then?” Ben asked impatiently, leaning forward, “Were you going to cut yourself free and run when you had the chance?”

“It crossed my mind.” Rob nodded, “But I first needed to see whether I could actually get the knife.”

“Yeah…?”

“We came to a stop around 10am, judging by the sun.”

“Genius.” Ben said.

“I know!” Rob clapped his hands before continuing, “This was my chance, right? Do or die. I had no idea where I was but luckily I wasn’t blindfolded so I had an idea of how to get home when the time came. If the time came. Doggo was sticking close. No idea why they didn’t do anything to him...I guess to sell him? Steal him?”

“Doggo’s cute. Steal him.” Ben said.

“Yes. Probably.” Rob said, “So, there we were being hauled aggressively out of the car and made to stand there and watch while they dug my grave.”

“They dug your grave?” Ben exclaimed, “In front of you?”

“Yeah. Not good people, Ben.” Rob said.

“Well…jeez! Evidently!”

“Evidently.” Rob agreed, “However, they weren’t looking at me, convinced that I was not going to get away but remember the training I sent the dog to a while back?”

“Yeah? That was just obedience training, right?”

“Yes, but I learned a bit on how to train my own doggo and have subsequently and successfully trained him to attack on command, as well.” Rob said proudly.

“Successfully?” Ben found himself frowning again, “When the hell did you test that?”

Rob took another sip before fixing Ben with a flat look,

“What have we been talking about?”

“Well…your kidnapping but -”

“But nothing, Benny Ben, I tested it a couple of days ago when I got kidnapped. Worked like a charm.”

Ben withdrew from his coffee and went silent, staring in mild horror across the table at Rob. Rob was smiling triumphantly back, unapologetic and careless.

“While doggo was attacking them, I managed to get myself free and get my knife from my sock and help out. Gruesome business, killing people and yet…” Rob thought a moment, “For the right reasons, like self-defence, it’s quite enjoyable.

“Anyway, not enough graves for four people considering the one already there was just for me. So I dug out an extra two graves but it was too much work so I kind of gave up. Dragged the extra body out a little further into that vast expanse of nothingness I didn’t even know was out there! Did you know?”

“…No…” Ben said.

“Ah, well, I guess you don’t know where I was. I didn’t know where I was. Still don’t. Everything is pretty much just a blur now.”

“Did they not say anything to you…?” Ben managed, a lump in the back of his throat and an uneasy stomach making it difficult to speak.

Rob shook his head,

“Not that I remember. Like I said, a blur. Anyway, got doggy and me home safely using their ugly Toyota a couple of days ago, ha d a wash and a clean. I also had a minor breakdown before I sold the car off illegally for, like, two hundred pounds.”

“To who?” Ben asked breathlessly.

“Some dodgy car dealer guy. Don’t know. Don’t care. Anyway, after all of that, I decided I had to tell you! So, I got my butt here and have done just that. I’m a hero!”

Rob raised his hand for a high-five but Ben just looked at him disbelief while trying to process Rob’s story. Trying to understand how their coffee date went from an exciting story to a tale of murder. He watched Rob as he took a final sip of his coffee and turned his attention to the television.

“Oh!” He exclaimed, “There they are!”

Ben looked over to the television where the news had a picture of each man who had been found dead. Students Ben had seen around the university campus.

“They were always so, SO rude to me. They threatened to ‘take me out’ so many times.” Rob was saying, “I should have known. Karma, I say.”

Ben just watched, a rising sense of dread welling up from the pit of his stomach.

“Don’t worry, Ben. They’ll never know who did it unless you or I tell someone.” Rob assured him, “Anyway, I must go. I have a hair appointment I have to get too.”

Rob was just about out the door when he thought of something and poked his head back around the corner,

“Ben, not to sound too grim here but if you do go and tell someone, I won’t hesitate to defend myself again.”

Ben nodded and watched as the news flowed onto the next point of national interest, hearing the door close dully behind him.