Remenber

Remember

              The air is crisp, and the sky is gray, a perfect title for a song, I softly say, among the massive people as they crowd the city streets.  As the cold steel buildings loom over the sidewalks, blocking out all the hope of the sun's warm rays. Loneliness is what I feel; it wasn't always the case; there was a time back years ago when living here in the city would have been joyous and fun.

             Now there are only bits and pieces; memories cloud my mind, like clouds blocking out the last ray of hope—a hope of easing this silent pain of loss. Some say we all had lost on that unforgettable day, on September 11, 2001.  That is when life had changed, for millions of people who still bare the scares: so much sadness and grief as those seeing the two towers fall in smoke and flame—leaving behind a memorial in its place.

             Loneliness is what I feel, even though I am not alone, here in the city that never sleeps. People are going about their business, hardly a sigh of those who still remember, just those of us continued to carry the memory alive. Feeling the cold concrete beneath my tired feet, weary from the many blocks until my destination, perhaps I will find some rest. But, what can I say to those who were too young to remember, and those too old to forget?  That perhaps there is hope, a time of celebration? A time where a celebration of those who survived knowing that they were the lucky ones, the more fortunate; however, even they still feel the loss; for them, the scars run more profound than those of us who only remember- remember is what I have often heard as the years have passed.

              Loneliness had become my friend, here, as I blend into the sea of people who aimlessly walk by, seeing yet never seeing for if they see, maybe they may see the faces of someone just like me.  For I am just like everyone else going through life, hoping for a friend, someone who can and will understand the scars buried deep within a weary heart.   A heart where there still are amblers of hope and love- a song to be sung. One that starts with sorrow and then ends in a joyous tune. We all must play that tune if there is ever any hope. Hope that will grow in the hearts of man, the hope of a better tomorrow. As we search for hope in all peoples, believing that there still is good that beats within their hearts.

             Loneliness, only a feeling as I walk among the city streets, searching in the eyes of those who quickly pass me by, a smile, or a wave "Hi." How can one feel lonely in the masses of people, someone would say. It's not that the streets are empty, for countless people go about their business, looking down at their phones, afraid of missing out on something, texting a person who is just up the street. It's a wonder that everyone doesn't feel lonely or lost in this sea of people passing by those of us who, unlike them, people who are known to fall apart in the end

             Still, as I walk down another city street, a young girl and her mother rush by; I caught a glimpse of the little child's smile, a small reminder that it may be found in children what we, or shall I say I that a child will lead them. Like all children worldwide, they don't see what adults are more apt to see; for them, they only see a face, someone to have fun. Fun, I recall those days, back when I was young and innocent to the many ways of what the world has become. How did I get like this? I often wonder, what was it again?  Oh, yeah, I remember, a loss of someone in whom I loved, a part of me had past away, leaving only a shadow of what was a long time ago.  Within that shadow, darkness covered my heart like the clouds covering the sun, leaving only weariness and doom. Breath, I remind myself, breath, with each step that takes me closer to where? Yes, the focus of why I have joined these travelers will come to an end to my travels, or at least I hope.

             Meanwhile, the morning light has given way to the afternoon sun as it precariously reaches its height there directly above the city streets. With its' warm comes another reminder that hope does remain, even though it appears hidden-in the smile of that child. I am counting down the minutes until reaching my final destination. And then, maybe, my loneliness will fade away like the shadows that spread across this cold concrete path. Yet, then, again, perhaps my loneliness will, after all, choose to stay, a consistent reminder of better days, long ago. "One never knows." Is what someone told me once. Months ago, while I was browsing an old bookstore, somewhere, though, I had forgotten, this elderly gentleman was quick to say, "One never knows where one is off to if they don't watch where they are going" it reminded me of a quote that Bibbo Baggins might have said.  

             Here we are again, my friend, loneliness, as we cross another city street, how many? At least ten blocks, which, I think, that the crowds of people have doubled in size since I had first left the comfort of my flat earlier this morning.  Still, I feel the need to continue, even though my shoes feel more like cement than sneakers on my feet. Imagine myself disappearing among the masses, and when they search for me, if anyone would, they will give up ever finding me. That's how I feel right now, lost, and alone, as fear starts to wrap itself around my heart.  No, I said loud enough for a passer-by who turned around and glared at me almost as I had said a curse word or something; I just smiled as they went on their way as I approach my final destination-the one place my heart has brought me- a resting place here among the Oak Trees as they stand guard over the reflecting pools with the waterfall cascading ever downward disappearing into the water.  Like the many tears that have fallen since that day.

             Tears for the fallen, those whose lives had ended  – always remember-for their names written on bronze plaques. Plaques that surround the twin pools, for all time. Touching the names of the fallen. A sense of hope that perhaps, in the end, the loneliness in which I have felt may at least found peace and hope. A serenity that, despite feeling alone in the world, I realize that there is still hope, a hope that binds us together. And it all starts with a kind-hearted smile of a child to a lonely person, just like me- remember.