4 comments

Fiction

One day, Vince, an athletic boy of twelve and his friend John were having lunch at school.

"Do you have any big plans for tonoght," John asked.

Vince, who just took a bite of food, chewed, swallowed, and responded, "I don't. My parents are wanting to go visit my grandfather's grave this evening. It will be after football practice."

"Are you up for a challenge," John asked, with a grin across his face.

"Sure, what is the challenge," John responded.

"Let's spend the night in the graveyard. We can visit a lot of people tonight," John said. "Besides that, I will be there too."

Vince, looking unsure about this, said, "How long will we be there?"

John said, "We will be there all night. It will be fun."

Coming to a decision, Vince said, "Let's do it. I will go home and get a flashlight and a couple things. Let's meet up at 7. It will be easier after dinner tonight."

"Why don't you come over for dinner after practice. We can do our homework together. Afterwards we can go to the graveyard. What do you say?"

Vince, looked thoughtful then said, "Let's do that. Let me call my parents to get permission to come over first."

With that said, Vince pulled out his phone, called his mother and asked about going to John's house for dinner that night. She agreed, then suggested to have Vince spend the night.

The rest of the day passed quickly. The two friends were anticipating the adventure they had coming up. Before they knew it, school was done for the day, and the two of them were heading to the football field for practice. The time at practice was a daze for both of them. After practice, they went to Vince's house to get a change of clothes and any other supplies they might need. Vince's mother was happy to see the two friends spending time together and didn't think anything about what was going on. Soon, they were at John's house and starting on their homework.

John said, "I'm almost done, how about you?"

Vince replied, "I'm done. The literature homework was easy." As John finished his homework, Vince occupied himself with thoughts for entertaining themselves at the graveyard that night.

"Boys, it's time for dinner," called John's mother, as John finished his homework. Both boys packed up their bags and went to wash their hands for dinner. Dinner was a quiet affair with meatloaf, mashed potatoes, and green beans for dinner. Vince was so excited about the adventure they agreed on that he was wanting to speed everything up.

After dinner, both friends decided to go on a walk.

As they got their coats, shoes and socks on, they made a quick check to ensure that they had everything they needed.

Once they got outside, John said, "We may have to come back early and sneak out tonight so we don't cause a panic."

Vince responded, "That's a good idea. We definitely don't want to cause a panic with our parents not knowing what we are doing." They kept talking about school, the football teams chances on winning the season, and before they knew it, they were at the graveyard. Once they entered, they heard a lot of noises, including the hoots of an owl, the creaking of the gates, the snap of tree branches being walked on.

John said in a whisper, "I feel like we are being watched." Vince felt it too. Both boys were starting to shake uncontrollably and nonverbally agreed to go back to John's home. They rushed out as quickly as they could and made it back to John's home before they knew it. John's mother brought them each a big mug of hot chocolate with whipped cream. As they say down enjoying warmth provided by the beverage.

"I didn't realize that it would be so cold out tonight. Not to mention how eerie those noises were," John said.

"I agree. I vote we try again, but only for a shorter period of time," Vince said.

John simply nodded, then said, "You know, I only suggested that we try that because I thought you would try to get out of it."

Vince replied, "I just wanted to see your face on your challenge being accepted."

Both boys laughed as they finished their hot chocolate. After they took their mugs to the kitchen, they got ready for bed. Fortunately, they had everything ready to go. As they laid down, they realized how tired they really were and drifted off to sleep fast.

A little while later, Vince woke up, used the restroom and tried to go back to bed. Unfortunately, now he was wide awake. He reached for his phone, and pressed the power button to see the time. It was only 2:27 AM. Vince heard John starting to stir a bit.

"John, are you awake?" Vince asked.

Though groggy, John replied, "I am now, like it or not."

Vince, not sure what was coming over him suddenly said, "Let's go back to the graveyard and try to find my grandfather's grave."

John, feeling more awake now, agreed. They got dressed quietly, and quickly went out to the graveyard again. Once they got there, they had to climb over the fence, and started searching for the grave. For the better part of an hour, they searched and searched for the grave in silence. The same noises they heard earlier were still there. Both boys were still creeped out and wanting to finish it up quickly. Finally, they got to a point where they agreed to check back in the day. As they crept back to the gate, both boys were avoiding well lit areas. Ten minutes later, both of them were back at John's house. They were able to sneak back in quietly and got back to bed, both glad that it was Friday, and they could sleep in the next day. They both agreed to check the graveyard the next day for the one grave they tried searching for. Both boys drifted back to sleep again.

October 27, 2020 03:31

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4 comments

Jessica C
02:31 Nov 05, 2020

Also here from the critique circle! I'm going to be brutally honest, and I hope that's okay. I am by no means an expert, and I know my own writing can be deeply flawed sometimes...but I also know that I MUCH prefer when people are honest about my work, so hopefully you are to. I think that you have a lot of talent and a lot of stories to tell, but for some reason you're holding yourself back from telling them the way you want to. This story is well written from a mechanical standpoint (grammar is fine; sentence structure is fine, w...

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16:42 Nov 05, 2020

Thanks for the advice. It helps with the process of putting together a story. It has been a tough year for educators around the US for sure.

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21:55 Nov 04, 2020

Hi buddy, I've been matched to post some critique for your story, so I'll give you some things I like, and things I didn't-feel free to disregard them! First of all, I liked the vast majority of the sentence structure, it was coherent, easy to read, and allowed me to visualize the scenes you were setting up. I also liked that you managed to include some personal information about the characters within your chosen word count. Vince being athletic with the enjoyment of football, and John is an adventurous sort willing to take risks for his ...

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16:43 Nov 05, 2020

Thanks.

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