Too Much Talk

Note: this story is about random sexuality, with a twist.

“Take off your clothes.”

“What?”

“You heard me, take off your clothes.”

“Who in holy hell are you?”

“I am your next lover.”

“Oh my god. Are you crazy? Go back under the rock you slithered out from.”

“Am I good looking?”

“Who cares?”

“Just ask yourself, ‘is this dude good looking.’”

“Why should I do that”

“It’s important. Just do it.”

“OK. Jane is this piece of garbage good looking. Hmm. Well, yes, he is good looking, I suppose. Why would you care?”

“Good start. Now, ask yourself, ‘is he muscular? Do you think he is hung?”

“ I think I am going to hang him.”

“Ha ha, now ask yourself.”

“Jane, does this guy look physical? Just a little judgement. I don’t mind.”

“Oh god. Well. Jane, is this guy, besides being annoying, muscular?”

“And?”

“And, by the way,, do you think he is…uh, ‘gifted? OK, OK, big.?

“The answer,? That’s just the question.”

“Lord, OK, yes, Jane he looks muscular and he looks like he may be pretty well hung.”

“Great progress, now, would you like another drink?”

“Maybe.”

“Bartender, what is Jane drinking here?”

“Vodka martini.”

“Please bring her a double.”

“Ma’am?”

“Uh, oh, hmm, yeah, sure, thanks for asking.”

“I’ll have a double shot of tequila, neat, Don Julio.”

“Yes, sir.”

“Now, would you like to touch me?”

“Good grief. What is your name, anyway?”

“Jack, Jane. Jack and Jane went to bed and their clothes, they did shed.”

“Oh no, a comedian. That’s what this is all about. You are a comedian and you wife is somewhere close by with a camera filming this for YouTube.”

“No, Jane. And. I’m not married. I like to bed beautiful women. My wife wouldn’t like that.”

“Oh beautiful, women. Well, you struck out here. I am no beautiful woman. It’s been at least two years since I have been picked up. It was fun though. No, forget I said that.”

“Said what? Said you like going to like being with a good looking, well hung stranger?”

“No, no, no!”

“Madam, your vodka martini, double. Sir, your tequila, double.”

“Thank you, Dan.”

“Dan? You know the bartender?”

“I know a lot of bartenders.”

“Are you a serial rapist, killer or turturer/“

“I wouldn’t tell you if I were. But, I did say I like to go to bed with beautiful women.”

“And, I did say that I am not beautiful.”

“Yes, you did. But you are either lying because you know you are beautiful Or. You lack self-confidence and have a poor self-image. Look around the room here. Do you see anybody nearly as beautiful as you?“

“C;’mon, look at that redhead over there. Gorgeous. I’d go to bed with her. Well, if I went to be with women, which I don’t.”

“No, you go to bed with handsome studs like me. The redhead is ok, no doubt. But, still, no comparison. See that woman over there sitting near the door with that old man. She looks good, but she is a pro. You lose two levels for that. So, you are way above her. Touch me.”

“No.”

“Just put your hand on my thigh. Feel the muscles in my calf. Just try it.”

“Wow, firm thigh. Really firm. Wow, wow, now that is a real muscle there.”

“Just like the real muscle a little higher.”

“Oh god, here we go again. Why don’t you just show it to me.”

“OK. I’ll just unzip my pants. Nobody but you can see me. Oh, look, it’s growing!”

“No, no, what are you doing? Put it back.”

“Oh come on, just touch it. I think you will like the feel of it.”

“Jack, I can’t do that.”

“Well, then, kiss it.”

“God, I’m choking. You are just too brazen…agh.”

“…and good in bed. You are going to love it.”

“You just made me spew my drink. I can’t believe I am in this conversation and I am laughing.”

“I did notice that. You have a really lovely laugh. I’ll bet you moan well too. And, whimper. Turns me on. How about you, are you getting a little warm in all the right places.”

“Yes, Oh no, I mean, not really, Well, I do feel a little damp.”

“Good, more progress, now give the boy here a little kiss. Just a quick peck.’

“Will you shut up if I do?’

“No.”

“Oh well. Mmm. Hard. Nice skin. Oh, oh.”

“Mmm. Yes, Oh, Good, Jane. That’s good.”

“Geez, Jack, I can’t believe I did that.”

“Yes, you did and a fine job as well. Did you like it?”

“Uh, yes. I think I need to finish my drink.”

“Me too. May I put my hand on your thigh.”

“Oh no, did you notice that shiver? Humph. Yes, you may put your hand on my thigh.”

“Nice, You have nice muscle tone as well. I can see that you have very beautiful legs. May I slide my hand up your thigh”

“Moan,”

“I think I’ll slide it under your skirt. OK?”

“Moan.”

“Wow, Jane, it pretty warm under here. Oh, nice panties. Very nice. But, Jane they seem a little wet.”

“Jack, Jack, stop, stop. We’ve got to stop.”

“Why Jane? We can go to your place or my place. I live about five minutes away.. Whichever you would like for a truly unbelievable night. Jane.”

“Bartender, check please.”

“Yes sir, here you are.”

“Just take the card, add thirty percent and I will pick up the card tomorrow.”

“OK, Jack. Have a good evening.”

“Jack, I am a little bit drunk. Can you drive?”

“Of course. Let’s go.”

“This way m’lady. It’s that red Porsche over there.”

“Of course it is.”

“Bartender. Did you see that?”

“Yep, pretty standard. Amazing how often he scores like that.”

“He’s a regular, does he really do that a lot.?”

“Quite a bit, really. He never comes back with one of the girls either. In fact, now that I think about it, they don’t ever come back. The girls.”

“What did you say his name is?”

“His name is ‘Jack.”