Long Time No See

They had just been introduced by someone who was their common friend, Phil. The only thing was that Phil wasn’t a really close friend to either one. He knew one of 

them from work and the other through a foraging group. Work conversations had been about work, which is no mystery. Deadlines, reports, project design - those tasks always kept everybody busy. Foraging expeditions had involved following a guide and keeping an eye on where one was walking, so as not to miss anything for harvesting and not to step on an endangered plant or fungus.

‘They’ were Hansel and Gretel. No, of course that’s not who they were. People would have figured out that the famous fairy tale couple knew one another, didn’t need to be introduced. 

The names of the people Phil was introducing were Elias and Lydia. Elias Martin and Lydia Gianadda. Phil, who was happily ensconced in his own perfect relationship, somehow had thought he could have them meet and they just might hit it off. They certainly seemed to have things in common. He didn’t think either one had a person to go home to at this point.

“Elias, this is Lydia. We’ve worked together at Data Inc. for about five years. She’s a friend of mine and I know you have some common interests. I thought it would be all right if I asked her to come along for coffee.”

“Sure,” said Elias, as he glanced quickly at Lydia, then back to Phil again. “No problem. Nice to meet you,” he added, politely, to Phil’s friend.

“Nice to meet you,” responded Lydia, who always spoke in a casual tone, as if waiting to see what a person was like and if there might be something to talk about. She wasn’t a big fan of vapid small talk.

Phil, who had orchestrated the meeting, and it was way too obvious that he had, was a really nice person. He also had been right about several things. Neither Elias nor Lydia had another relationship. They did have many things in common. In fact, they had so much in common that Phil was stunned. He had not expected that with his effort to get the pair together. His own life was not at all convoluted. He thought about how happy he was with his Laura and had gotten the idea that he could be the Cupid of the world. He wanted to specialize in people of a certain age who were not into the bar scene or internet hook-ups. Everybody needed someone to love, right?

Phil had thought long and hard about how to initiate things. He was such a sweetheart, and figured talking about likes and dislikes would help him pull off the plan. He had also seen too many TV programs where Bachelors and Bachelorettes were brought together in an artificial setting, let’s be honest.

“Have you traveled much?” was his first question, the first on the list he had prepared. It was as if he were the moderator on one of those TV shows. He knew how to handle that. Elias and Lydia weren’t adverse to answering. It was a topic many people loved to talk about. Safe, non-threatening. 

Travels. Well, they had traveled to many of the same places, but then it’s not so hard to find two people who have been to Florence and Venice, Toulouse, Dublin, Athens, Cyprus - really? - , Cuba - really? - , Brussels, Porto, Geneva… not hard at all. The crazy part was that they had been to a lot of smaller places and could recall restaurants they had both been to.

That had been amazing. All the things they had to talk about. Phil was almost smug. He proceeded to bring out his next topic, always trying to act as if it were spontaneous (but failing miserably, as shall be seen…)

“What are your favorite foods?” Phil inquired, not realizing that this was exactly the way the question would be presented on a TV show. He got answers, however.

Food. More coincidences, although there were some things they did not share as far as dishes. Elias was a fan of squid in its black ink, but Lydia was not. He would eat pig’s ears and tripe, but Lydia could not. She preferred fish and no red meat, but he confessed that his cholesterol preferred to avoid red meat. He loved it, but had to stay away from it. It should be noted that Lydia preferred white wine, while Elias preferred red.

One thing that really was different: Lydia despised garlic, while Elias liked it and didn’t even notice when it was used in cooking. She made an ugly face when he said that, unable to understand how anybody could not notice garlic. On the other hand, she preferred spicier dishes and for that very reason enjoyed some simple gardening. Elias had two left thumbs when it came to gardens and plants in general. His head just wasn’t made for that.

Phil tried to smooth things over, because he was concerned that these differences might be serious ones. He knew how important garlic could be in a relationship. He offered another topic:

“Do you read a lot? Do you have any favorite books or authors?” Phil was hopeful.

Books. It turned out that Elias and Lydia had read a number of the same books and both were what one calls book lovers, collectors, bibliophiles. Elias, however, was much more a reader of philosophy, and Lydia focused on feminist criticism. Both preferred fiction, but both had read a considerable amount of poetry as well. Lydia was willing to buy digital format because she didn’t want to add to her already large collection of volumes, but Elias barely could manage e mail. He didn’t know how to cut and past when doing word processing. Lydia did suppress a smirk when he said that, because she didn’t want to hurt his feelings. She also liked audio books for several reasons, but that required too much technology for Elias’ taste.

“So what do you think about what’s going on in Washington?” asked Phil, thinking it was an iffy question but irresistible as far as getting people to say what side of the fence they were on.

Politics. That was an easy match for Lydia and Elias, in that both were very progressive. Neither trusted politicians any more than they could throw them, for that very reason. They weren’t convinced that it made any difference to vote. They didn’t buy into the idea that it was a person’s civic responsibility to do that and were planning not to go to the polls when the next big election came around. They felt it was a waste of time because of the widespread corruption in government. They admitted they’d taken a lot of heat for their positions, but didn’t care.

Phil thought he had scored a thousand on that tricky question. The responses couldn’t have been better. Now he threw out a topic that was pretty blah, just to change things up and see what might happen. He asked about:

“What do you like to do on a normal day?” Phil hadn’t a clue how artificial that question was. Or if not artificial, it was too staged for the other two people he was with not to notice. They did notice. Still, they answered, because they were polite and knew he had those good intentions.

Walking. They both liked walking. That might have been a strange thing to have in common, but a lot of people are aware of the need to maintain an active life style for health reasons. Elias probably did more of that, but Lydia too tried to get in as many ‘steps’ as her phone app called it, when she went out. She liked to park her car in a lot downtown, then do several errands on foot. However, she didn’t like it when people were fiercely committed to a certain distance or number of steps, as if that would guarantee perfect heart and lungs.

Phil wanted to change it up a bit, so he wandered into the minefield of what his two friends might not like. It was a but bold of him, but he hoped there would be more agreement between them.

Dislikes. Lydia and Elias actually discovered that they disliked a lot of the same things. That might have been natural, given that the things they had in common that they liked or had done might logically lead to the dislike of others.  

Neither could stand video games, except Lydia would occasionally play mah jongg on her laptop. Any virtual reality stuff was a no-go for both. They turned up their noses immediately. It was a boring way to waste time, they said. Too many games were full of violence. Lydia was really adamant about that. She saw them as training for military maneuvers. She could have gone on and on about that, but Elias just said nothing.

Science fiction also bored both of them, but they accepted the fact that there was some worthwhile thinking behind some of the writers and film producers of the genre. They just couldn’t get into it and almost never watched a sci-fi movie.

Cruelty to animals was absolutely unacceptable, although not an unexpected attitude for a lot of people. However, both Lydia and Elias had actually participated in animal rescue groups. All lives mattered, thought Lydia, although Elias drew the line at certain human lives. He was referring to certain world leaders, most likely. Lydia could not accept the death penalty for anybody. They spoke of things they had done to save animals. Phil thought that was really sweet.

The conversation had gone on much longer than Phil could have hoped for and he was just about to leave them so they could continue their conversation. That didn’t happen immediately, because one of the three (most likely Elias) asked:

“What do you think about the events in North Korea?”

One of the three (most likely Lydia) responded:

“It’s such a joke.”

And they were off, talking about the ins and outs of what was happening in that part of the world. It was odd, because most people in this country don’t even know there are two Koreas and they don’t know the capitals of either one. Nobody cares. It’s too far away.

Then there were more comments about other countries, but none of the three was able to come up with a solution for the world’s problems. It was a difficult topic, and usually people end up disgruntled, looking for an escape or a polite way to express their anger at the way the world is run.

“I’ve got to run,” interjected Phil, as if he sensed the conversation was turning in a different direction. “See you both soon.” 

They both even loved going to museums and had recently gotten into amateur photography.

This was a match made in heaven.

Phil hurried to his car, realizing that he’d promised his girlfriend he’d be home for supper. All in all, Phil was quite pleased with himself. His matchmaking attempt seemed to have gone really well. He hoped to hear in the near future that they had taken it upon themselves to go out, even if just for coffee.

Phil thought they must be very grateful to him. They certainly hadn’t been at a loss for conversation topics. When he suggested a few days later that they might get together as a foursome, Elias just laughed, well actually, he snorted, and said:

“Not on your life!”

Ever the nice guy, Phil was rather hurt by that reaction, but he said nothing. He was confused, but also quite sad that Elias hadn’t been interested in seeing Lydia again. They really had seemed to hit it off. He couldn’t get the brusque answer out of his mind, though. Maybe it had been tongue-in-cheek? Maybe Elias was hiding his true feelings and really had liked meeting Lydia. It had truly been like they were made for each other. They were so much alike. They would get along perfectly. It was a rare match, and Phil knew it.

Then Phil decided he might get more information from Lydia, so the next time they met at work, he found a moment to pull her aside to ascertain what she thought about the meeting he had arranged. Lydia stood there, not saying anything, but there was what might be termed a wry look on her face. It wasn’t quite a grimace, but close to it. Phil was confused and needed to know why his friends hadn’t hit it off, despite all the indications that they had:

“Did I say something wrong? Did I misunderstand you two? You looked like a match made in heaven, they way you both went on and on about your likes and dislikes. I’ve never met two people who were more suited for each other.”

Lydia’s expression moved toward a complete grimace, as she considered how best to answer her friend, who meant no harm. He simply had thought that everybody needs a true love, a life partner, whatever you wanted to call it. He was so naïve.

“Phil,” said Lydia slowly, but with a long story in her eyes, “I appreciate your thinking of us. The only problem is that Elias is my ex husband. It didn’t end very well. Yes, we had it all for quite a few years. Until we didn’t.” 

That explained everything. Maybe.