Red and Blue

The pregnancy was a...surprise, to say the least. Aina was fifteen years old, after all. That was quite an age gap to have with a sibling. And she was almost certain that the baby wasn’t exactly planned. Nonetheless, she smiled and gave her mother and stepfather a hug. This would be a good thing.

Right?

*

Aina and her mother, Elisabeth, were very close, they always had been. She had been born in a brutal, abusive marriage and used by her father as a pawn to keep her mother under his control. They lived with him until Aina was three years old. Despite the horrific things that happened to her mother in that time, she had managed to shield her from a lot of it. 

She remembered the roomy closet that became a private hideout. It had been filled with toys, pillows, and blankets, and had a little DVD player and headphones. Elisabeth would hide her in there when her father came home drunk. She put on a movie with the headphones and promised to come back soon. At the time, she thought nothing of it, just content to be in her own little world.

She remembered the day her mother had sat her down and told her she would be a big sister. She had been uncertain what it meant and how to do that, but knew it was important.

But most of all, she remembered that day, the one that changed everything.

*

Something was very wrong. Aina had seen her mother worried, but never this scared before. There were tears in her eyes as she helped her settle in the closet. “Mama, what’s wrong?”

Elisabeth forced a smile and caressed her head. “Nothing, love. I just...need to go talk to Daddy. Everything will be fine.”

“Y-You’ll come back?”

“Always.” She pulled her into a hug and released a shaky breath. “I love you.”

“Love you,” Aina murmured.

Elisabeth leaned back and smiled at her. She stroked her cheeks and kissed her forehead. “I’ll be back.”

Aina settled into the closet and snuggled in her blanket. A movie was on and her headphones were in, but she couldn’t pay attention. Something was different this time and it scared her. She couldn’t escape the feeling of dread that pooled in her stomach. 

The movie had finished, so over an hour had passed. Her mother always returned before the movie was over. She took her headphones out and listened; there was nothing. It was silent.

Even though she wasn’t supposed to leave until Elisabeth returned, the cold feeling of dread pushed her forward. She carefully opened the door and peeked through before crawling out. She listened by the bedroom door to make sure it was safe before she pushed it open with a soft creak. Her heart hammered in her tiny chest as she moved down the hall. The house was deathly quiet and it sounded like every footstep echoed. 

As if she wasn’t nervous enough, when she came across a mess of broken glass and vase, her body trembled. “Mama,” she whimpered and rushed towards her parents’ room. When she got close, she heard soft crying and gasping. She swallowed and her little hand shook as she pushed the door open. 

She found her on her bed, curled up with a blanket over the lower end of her body. She was shaking hard, and even from the doorway, Aina could tell she was very hurt. She timidly walked in. “Mama?”

Elisabeth‘s eyes found hers, and Aina shivered at the sheer amount of pain, fear, and defeat. She climbed up the bed and over to her. She wasn’t sure what to do, for she had never seen her like this before. “Please don’t cry.”

It had the opposite effect. Aina’s heart sank when she began to cry harder. She laid down next to her, facing her as she cried with her. She noticed the bruises blossoming under her skin, from her cheek down to her neck. 

“You’re hurt,” she whispered and carefully traced her fingers across her skin.

She began to panic when she cried out in pain and clutched her shirt, shaking even harder. “Mama?!” She caught glimpses of more bruises clashing on her mother’s normally pale, smooth skin. Her face became white and she whimpered in response to her mother’s pain. For a child so young, Aina was careful as she moved closer. She was hurt badly, she knew. Her mother never cried, and there were marks all over her body. Her lips trembled and her eyes filled with tears as she touched the pale, bruised skin. She frowned as she gently stroked her; she knew her father did this, and she hated him. She was scared of him, but now she hated him for what he did to her. “I’m sorry he hurt you, Mama,” she whispered. She was careful as she curled up next to her. Eventually her mother’s breathing evened out, and she knew she was asleep.

A few minutes later, her phone rang on the nightstand. Aina waited, but when she didn’t move, she wiggled out of her arms to answer it. “Hello?”

‘Hi, sweetheart,’ her aunt Kristen said cheerfully from the other end. “Is your mama there?’

Aina looked at her still form and teared up. “She hurt, Auntie! Mama hurt real bad.”

A brief moment of silence. 'Is she breathing?' she asked, worry overpowering her speech.

“Yes,” Aina said. “She’s sleeping. Please come!”

'I am, I’m coming right now! I’ll be there soon.'

After she hung up, Aina crawled back to her. She crawled under her arm and curled up against her.

*

Later, it was revealed she had lost the baby. That was the final straw that pushed Elisabeth to separate from her first husband. He had proven that he had no regard for the lives of his children and that Aina was safer away from him. The mother-daughter pair were alone together for about a year before Elisabeth rekindled a relationship with a childhood friend, Bryan. He was also divorced and had a little girl. They eventually got married and had two children together: Nik when Aina was six and Dena when she was nine. Her step-sister Jaya later became an official part of their family, and they had been happy.

But through it all, Aina knew that Elisabeth never got over that miscarriage. Neither had she. Every year on the anniversary, they both grieved. Each pregnancy was difficult on her mother, not necessarily physically, but mentally, emotionally. 

This time was no different, if not worse.

Aina didn’t see the panic attacks, the crying, the sleepless nights, but she knew they were happening. She, too, was starting to worry. Her mother wasn’t as young as she once was, and she worried how the stress would affect her and the baby.

When it was revealed to be another girl, there was joy, but also a looming sense of deja vu. As the time got closer, Aina began to have nightmares, ones she thought long ago dealt with.

Then the day came.

*

‘Please, not again.’ That was all Aina could think. She sat in the waiting room with the rest of her siblings and family members, but she was numb to the world. She was in a haze of fear and pain. She couldn’t lose them. Not again. She had already lost one sister and nearly her mother once before, she couldn’t live through it again.

She bit her lip hard enough to draw blood and leaned her forehead against the glass. She stared blankly outside, but all she could see was red and blue. The red blood, the frightened blue eyes, the red and blue lights of the siren of her father’s police car. 

As her memories whirled together, past and present, she broke. She covered her mouth with one hand to try to muffle the sob and slid down to the floor. She pulled her knees to her chest and cried, hard. She couldn’t hold it back anymore.

She felt a warm hand on her shoulder and looked up to see Bryan sit beside her. She had rarely seen him cry, but like her, he didn’t seem able to fight it anymore.

“I can’t,” she whimpered, shaking her head and leaning her forehead against his shoulder. “I can’t lose them, Papa. Not again.”

Bryan squeezed her hand and kissed her head. “I know,” he whispered brokenly. After another few moments, he went back in, leaving her. Her uncle Kris tried to take care of her, get her something to eat or drink, but she refused. She feared that anything she tried to take in would come right back out.

It seemed like a lifetime had passed before Bryan came back. Aina rose to her feet shakily, her whole body trembling. Part of her relaxed when she noted his wide smile. “Both of them are fine. Elisabeth is fine, the baby’s fine, everyone is happy and healthy.”

Jaya bounced up to him. “Can we go see, Dad? Please?”

He smiled and ruffled her hair. “Sure thing. But Aina is going to go in first for a minute.” He winked at her.

“Aww, but why? Why can’t we come?”

“Because your mom wants to talk to her first. It’ll be fast, Jaya, then we’ll let the rest of you in.”

Jaya muttered under her breath, but finally gave in. Aina followed him back to the room, her heart starting to race. “Are you sure she’s okay?” She whispered.

Bryan smiled reassuringly and gave her a side hug. “I promise.”

When they got there, he opened the door for her. She timidly stepped into the room. She was greeted with the sight of Elisabeth laying on the bed, sweaty and tired, but alive and smiling with a small bundle in her arms. Aina smiled back, tears stinging her eyes, and walked toward her. She sat beside her on the edge.

“Are you okay?” Elisabeth asked softly, reaching over and taking her hand.

“Me? I’m fine. Are you okay?”

“I’m alright. Tired and sore, yes, but I’m alright.”

“Are you sure?” Sometimes looks could be deceiving, especially with her.

She squeezed her hand. “Yes, love, I’m sure. Come here.”

Aina carefully moved closer so she was right beside her. She leaned against her shoulder. Then her attention was drawn to the thing-or person-she held in her arms. “What about her?”

Elisabeth moved the baby so Aina could see her better. “She’s perfectly fine.”

As she looked at her new baby sister, her heart melted. She was beautiful and had a head of black hair. She reached over and touched her palm so her hand wrapped around her finger. “She’s so cute.”

“Do you want to hold her?”

Aina nodded and sat up straight as she set her in her arms. The baby squirmed a little and opened her eyes. “Hello, there,” she cooed. “I’m your big sister.” She looked at her mother. “What’s her name?”

“Rory.”

It was a fitting name. “Hi, Rory. We’ve been waiting for you a long time.”

Elisabeth wrapped one arm around her eldest and stroked the head of her youngest, but both of which were her babies. “A very long time.”