Different

The familiar smell of teenagers and dust hit me as I flashed my bus pass at the driver and made my way to my usual seat at the front of the bottom deck. I put in my headphones and closed my eyes as a Haydn string quartet drowned out the excited chatter around me. I could picture myself sat in the audience, the boned corset I wore under my school uniform holding me bolt upright.

“Hey!”

My eyes flew open to find the usually empty seat beside me occupied by a girl from the year above whose name I didn’t know. Cautiously I removed one headphone.

“What are you listening to?”

“Um… classical music,” I hedged, wary of the attention.

“Oh, like movie soundtracks and stuff? My brother listens to that stuff when he’s revising.”

“No, it’s a string quartet. I like chamber music.” She wrinkled her nose and I regretted my elaboration.

“Whatever. Anyway, at lunch Jake Richards said you’d be quite pretty if you cut your hair.”

My face felt hot and I knew I was going bright red.

“Well?” She looked at me expectantly and I was acutely aware of a lull in the conversations around us.

What did she want me to say? My mouth was dry.

Rolling her eyes, she leaned in conspiratorially. “Do you fancy him?”

“I…I…”

“Ha! You totally do! Oh my god can you imagine if he went out with you. Talk about unexpected. Laura’s going to flip when she hears this, she’s been waiting for him to ask her out for ages.”

“I don’t fancy him!” I said, too quickly.

“Yeah right.” Her thumbs were flying across her phone already.

“Please don’t spread this around. I swear I don’t like him; besides he was probably just joking. Why would he fancy me?” I could hear the desperation in my voice. The last thing I wanted was attention.

“I mean, I don’t get it either. Maybe he’s into the whole Victorian ghost vibe.” She shrugged. “You should get a haircut though. Nobody has it that long, it’s weird.”

She stood and made her way back to her seat at the rear of the bus. I replaced by headphone and stared out the window, my face still burning. I didn’t have to look to know that the group on the back seat were all leaned in discussing what had happened. I felt tears creep into my eyes as I stroked the end of my braid. So much for surviving final year under the radar. Why the hell would Jake Richards put this spotlight on me? Judging from his past girlfriends I was absolutely not his type, so it could only be some kind of bizarre joke.

I was resigned by the time I got home. I changed out of my uniform and into a long black skirt with a white petticoat and simple blouse. I fastened a brooch at my collar and looked at myself in the mirror. I looked like myself again. I smiled at my reflection, the expression dropping as I heard my phone buzz. A message from my friend Emma.

Why is everyone in my project group saying you fancy Jake Richards?

 Shit.

It’s just a stupid rumor. Tell them it’s not true?

I’ll try. What if he’s into you though? He’s fit!

Doubtful. Probably some kind of messed up joke

They’re not buying it. Looks like you’ll just have to ride it out. Sorry 

Head in my hands I sank to the ground against my bed. I needed some fresh air. I pulled on and laced my boots and stood, grabbing my book from my bedside table. I left through the garden gate and headed down the edge of the field behind the house to the woods. I had a few hours before Dad got home for dinner. In the woods I could be myself, with no one to judge or question me. With no car sounds or music, I could fully picture myself in the past. There were no texting dramas, no awkward bus journeys. Just me and the trees. I stopped at my usual spot and settled down against the tree trunk to read for a while.

I had been sat for about half an hour when I realized that the sky had darkened prematurely. I looked up and felt a few drops of rain hit my face. Sighing I pulled myself to my feet and started to head back in the direction of the house. The rain began to fall steadily, and thunder cracked overhead. Pulling my book into my chest I hunched over and started to run. My foot caught a tree root and I was briefly aware of falling before my head hit the ground and I saw stars then darkness.

I came to shivering, numbly aware of the rain pummeling my soaked body. I sat up clutching my head, looking around to try and get my bearings. Dusk had fallen and in the near darkness the path was barely visible. I hauled myself to my feet and stumbled towards an opening in the trees. I saw lights across the field and felt relief flood my frozen body. I half jogged toward the house. I pushed the garden gate, but it wouldn’t open. Weird, I thought, I didn’t think I locked it. I gave it another good shove. Nothing.

“Dad!” I called out, hoping he would hear me from the kitchen. “DAD!”

I slumped against the gate, listening for a response. When no one came I realized the storm must be too loud for him to hear me. I started to sob as I started to scale the tall hedge separating the garden from the field. Branches caught and tore at my skirt as I used the gate for leverage over the top. I collapsed down on the other side, pain shooting up from my ankle. Rain and tears mingled on my face as I hobbled towards the house. I tried the back door and found it locked. I banged on it with my fist, calling out again. I looked towards the kitchen window and noticed that the light spilling from it looked strange. Softer and more yellow than normal somehow. I limped towards it and held onto the sill as I peered in. My mouth fell open in shock. The kitchen looked like a scene from a period drama. The soft golden light came from flickering lamps mounted on the walls, and a heavy dark metal range sat in the previously unused fireplace. Did I have the wrong house? I must have become disorientated in the near darkness. I began to back away from the window when I heard the back door unlatch.

“You there!” A man’s voice came from the doorway.

Panicking, I turned and tried to run back towards the garden gate, crying out as my full weight fell on my injured ankle. He caught me in a few strides, his hand closing roughly around my arm, yanking me backwards. “What do you think you’re doing banging my door down at this hour?”

In the soft glow from the open door I could make out a thick mustache and dark hair above a starched white collar and cravat that absolutely did not belong to any of our neighbors. My head reeling, I stared at him, trying to make sense of what I was seeing.

“I…I’m so sorry. I must have the wrong house,” I stuttered through cold and shock.

“Who are you, girl? How did you get back here? Speak up!”

“William! Bring that poor girl inside at once! Can’t you see she’s soaked to the bone?” A commanding female voice rang out from the doorway. “Come on, she’ll catch her death out there.”

“But Mother,”

“Now, William.”

Too exhausted and cold to resist I let the man pull me into the warmth of the kitchen. The woman in front of me cut an imposing figure. She was dressed entirely in black but there was no mistaking the corseted silhouette. What was happening to me? When was it happening to me? My vision began to blur and I felt my knees give out. Darkness fell as I hit the tiled floor.