Cold Lake to Bayfield

Cold Lake, Alberta 

With tears slowly dripping down her cheeks, Molly holds in her hand the one thing that Donny couldn’t give her before now. He did everything in his power to provide for her and to give her what he thought she wanted and needed, but this one thing he couldn’t do for her, until now.  

She’d give anything, including this cheque she held in her hands, if it meant she could have her Donny back with her, sitting here at her side. Holding her, loving her. 

She’d give anything to hear his laughter one more time. The way he teased a smile out of her when she was upset or held her when she needed his comfort.  

She needed comfort now and he wasn’t here to give it to her.  

She sat there, on Donny’s side of the bed, trying to imagine him there beside her. She tried to think of what he would want her to do with her life now. How he would want her to continue living. He’d cajole her until she did as he suggested. Only he wasn’t here to tell her what he thought she should do.  

 No one understood her pain, but everyone thought that they knew what was best for her. How could they though? They weren’t her and they weren’t going through her grief. How could they understand what it was like to bury your husband, when you knew your husband wasn’t even in the coffin. It was a procedure to help the grieving get closure by going through the motions, but still inside, as you watch the coffin lower into the ground, you know that he’s not in there. He won’t ever be in there because they couldn’t locate his body.  

Donald G. Spars was a helicopter pilot for the Canadian Air Force. He was on a rescue mission up in Northern Alberta. Something went wrong. He lost contact with the control tower. No one heard from him ever again. The air force sent another copter along the path that they last knew that Donny was flying, as he was looking for the missing people. Eventually they found the helicopter, or what was left of it, as it appeared to have crashed and immediately burst into flames. Only pieces of the copter were recoverable and barely recognizable. The rest of the helicopter was down a mountain side and unattainable. Most of the helicopter was so badly burned that there were only ashes left. Donny was presumed to be part of those ashes. 

A light knocking sound penetrated her grieving mind, she turned her red rimmed eyes towards the door. Candice (her only best friend in the world now) stood just inside the door. 

“Molly.” She says ever so softly, she knows that this is a traumatic time for Molly and unfortunately, it’s a necessary thing for her to do. “Molly” she says again, as she walks softly to the bed and sits beside her. “Come on Molly, I know you don’t want to leave, but we have too. It’s time to go back home. It’s time to go home to Ontario.” 

Molly looks at Candice and whispers, “How? How can I leave him here?”  

“Molly, Donny isn’t here. He’s buried back home. He’s not here, these are just his and your possessions. They’re going back home too. Once you get set up again at home, you’ll know that his spirit is with you there.” 

“You’re right Candice. I know you’re right, but it’s so hard, you know. This whole thing is so surreal. How can he be gone? There are so many questions and no answers. That’s what makes this whole thing so damn hard. I feel like I’m leaving a piece of myself here. I feel like I’m betraying him by going back to Ontario.” Molly sighs and continues, “It’s like his soul is still here, because we couldn’t find his body. You know as well as I do that there was no body in that coffin. What happens to his soul?”  

Gently Candice rubs Molly’s back. “You know as well as I do, that I can’t really answer that, but we believe that his soul is already up in Heaven. Therefore, he can travel with us and his soul will be with you wherever you go. You know he’ll always be watching over you. Look how he took care of you even in death. You’ll never have to worry about doing anything other than what you love. He made sure of that. Like in life, even in his death, you can work from wherever and whenever you want. You can blog on your site or take a holiday from it if you want. Donny gave you that gift.”  

London, Ontario 

Six long, lonely months have gone by and Molly is still an empty shell of who she was, she is slowly putting her life back together. She did as others suggested and set up home in London, but everywhere she went there were little things to remind her of Donny. The high school where they started dating. The movie theatre where they had their first real date and shared their first kiss. The restaurants that they ate in. So many memories. All of them good, but all of them made her more aware of her situation and her loneliness.  

Candice has been her rock through this whole new journey. Helping her to make decisions, when it was too tough for her to do it on her own. It’s Candice who is 100 percent behind her now with this new chapter in her life. Candice who is supporting her and making this transition easier to do. Candice being the good friend that she is, has a little apartment over her garage that she is letting Molly use as a home base if she ever needs to come back to London for anything or if she wants to stay for a weekend or week. It’s her safety net if this new chapter doesn’t work out the way she hopes.  

She’s decided to leave London behind. Start over in a little town not too far from away, so that she can still see Candice and other friends and family, but far enough to be able to start over. Start fresh. Molly is praying that this works.  

It took her awhile to settle on the town, but this little town was so beautiful, when she drove there and looked around, it spoke to her. She’s sure that Donny was agreeing with her. This was the spot to start over.  

Bayfield, Ontario 

Molly looked around her new home. It was starting to take shape. She only kept a few things that were important to her, like pictures and a few trinkets that held special meaning of her and Donny’s life together. She left the old furniture at the Apartment over Candice’s garage. Short term memories of Donny as or when she visited there were one thing, but if she was starting over with a new life then she felt that she had to purchase new things for this home. Fortunately for her, the owners of the home before her, were more than willing to leave a substantial number of things with the house. She spent a little more than she anticipated spending, but how could she not. The address spoke to her. She probably shouldn’t have let it. Candice warned her that it would be a constant reminder, but to her, it was Donny’s sign saying this is it. 1211 Tuyll Street. Donny’s birthday, December 11th.  

It is a solid home, built so that she can have a spectacular view of Lake Huron from the Kitchen, living room and dining area. Even her master bedroom was on the main floor with a walk out veranda overlooking the water. 3 bedrooms and 4 baths. Yes, it was probably too big for her, but this way she had plenty of room for her friends to come up and enjoy the beach with her. Her doors were always open to her friends and family. She loved them all, she truly did, but sometimes they suffocated her with their constant worry and concerns about what she should be doing. This would give her a reprieve during the winter and rainy spring months and have them visit through the summer and fall.  

Her investment advisor told her that it was a solid investment and with her money from Donny and her exceedingly profitable blogging business, it wasn’t a worry for her to purchase the house.  So, she did. She loved it. It was hers to make her own memories. A place to build her new life.  

She had driven everywhere she went the first few times that she needed to go somewhere; like the grocery store on the outskirts of town or to a decent sized department store that was a few miles away in Goderich. Each time she went somewhere in her car she’d wind up touring around the quaint little town to get a feel of it and start to feel a part of it. Now, Molly decided to take a walk into the village. The walk might allow her to get to know the tourist places on the main street and possibly see some of her neighbours’ as she walked along. It was about 2 km into the village proper, but she was young and healthy, making this just an ideal length for a walk.  

Tuyll Street was a long street that ran along the waterfront on the west side of town along Lake Huron and almost went from the south side to the north side. She enjoyed seeing all the different house styles that faced the waterfront. She knew from her own that what she saw was nothing from the street side compared to what they would look like on the waterfront side. She strolled along until she came to Delevan Street, which almost immediately had Catherine Street run diagonally off it, taking her up to Main Street N where at the corner was The Pink Flamingo Bakery. There she turned right and meandered past all the quaint little shops, restaurants, bars and ice cream parlour. It even had a Library with a public washroom attached to it but was separate identities.  

Coming out of the washroom, Molly noticed Huron Fireplaces and Shop My Finds across the street. Then she let out a scream, and started shouting “Donny, Donny!!” But the man kept walking as if he didn’t hear her. Heart pounding hard, she ran across the street, barely taking the time to see if there was any traffic coming. There was construction work on the side of the street, making room for an outdoor cafe terrace that she had to skirt around. By the time she got to where she saw Donny, he was gone. She roamed up and down the street, peering into the Art Gallery and looking down all the little alleyways that took you to yet another little shop, he was nowhere to be seen. Disappointed she started her walk back home. By the time she got home she was disappointed and discouraged and a little annoyed with herself as she realized that it was just her overactive imagination construing up Donny from someone that probably had the same hair and skin tone, along with the same body build. One day, she might even laugh about it, but not today. Today shook her up. Her nerves were all a jingle and twitchy. Seeing that man was like a direct hit to her solar plexus.  

A week later Molly ventured down Main Street again. She decided to try out the Pink Flamingo bakery and get herself a little baked goodie. She couldn’t remember, but she was hoping that it had a little outdoor patio area where she could enjoy her treat.  

She went in and bought a cupcake and a coffee with double cream. She walked out to the patio, stopped dead in her tracks, squeaked out a little scream while at the same time, dropping her coffee, splashing it everywhere around her. She thought she’d faint, she got so lightheaded. Donny saw what was happening and was getting up to help her. 

The man she thought was Donny, thought, “what the heck. What’s wrong with that woman. Such a strange noise came out of her and now she looks like she’s about to collapse.” As he quickly and efficiently moved towards her to help her out. Grabbing her by the elbow he led her over to his table and took the cupcake from her. Reached for a couple of napkins to hand to her as he guided her to a sitting position in the chair.  “What’s wrong? What is it? Are you alright?” Donny said as he was squatted down in front of her.  

Sputtering, and trying to answer, she couldn’t understand why Donny was asking her these things. Didn’t he recognize her? Finally managing to sputter out his name as a question “Donny?” And with a sigh “Oh, Donny, I thought I’d lost you forever.” 

This woman is hallucinating was the man’s quick and only thought.  

“I’m sorry ma’am, but I’m not Donny. My name is Johnny. Johnny Sparling.” 

“No, no, you can’t be. You are Donny. Here, just a minute, let me get my phone.” 

“Alright, but I don’t see why you need your phone unless you want to call Donny to be sure that I don’t answer it, but he does?” Johnny asked, confused. None of this was making any sense. Surely this woman was on something. He looked at her more closely as she fumbled around in her purse and came out with her phone. Her hand was shaking as she tried to pull up whatever it was, she wanted on her phone. “Why don’t I go get you another cup of coffee? What do you take in it?” He straightens up, about to turn around and head into the bakery.   

“Wait!” 

Johnny turned around. She was holding her phone out to him. It had pictures of her and him?  Her and him? On her phone? How? He’s never seen her before in his life and he would remember seeing a beautiful, fine boned, little pixie like her. And those green eyes, he could drown in as he looked at her a little longer than was probably necessary.  

“How’d you get pictures of me on your phone. When were we ever together?”  

“Donny, it’s me! It’s Molly!” Confusion etched her face. “Why don’t you remember me? I’m your wife!”  

“Hold on a damn, I mean dang moment. I am nobody’s husband. I don’t have and never did have a wife! I don’t know what type of game you’re trying to play here lady, but it’s not going to work with me.”  

She gives her hand a little shake and shoves the phone and picture even closer to his face. “Look at it!” “That’s you!” She glances around at the other people on the patio. “Ask any of these people who they think this man is on my phone. I’ll bet any of them would say that it’s you without any hesitation.”  

She had a point. Johnny needed to get to the bottom of this and fast.  

“What do you take in your coffee and we’ll sit and talk about this rationally.” 

“As if you didn’t know, but fine, I’ll play you dumb game, double cream.”  

Returning with the coffee for her and one for himself, he wished it had something stronger in it, he thought that he was going to need it, he sat down at the table with her.  

“Ok.” He said, “start at the beginning and tell me why you think I’m this Donny.” 

So, Molly, told him.  

Johnny asked about Donny’s family. Siblings, cousins, parents. To learn that basically all of Donny’s known family was no longer alive. Donny had distant cousins somewhere out west.  

“Ok, here’s what I know about me. I’m an only child. I’m adopted. I was in an accident recently and have been experiencing some memory loss. I have pieces of my life that are missing too.  Maybe my mother knows something that could enlighten us on what or why I look so much like Donny.” 

Johnny and Molly went to see Johnny’s mother. Julie looked at the pictures that Molly had on her phone. She didn’t look shocked at all. Instead she looked resigned, took a deep breath and hesitantly said, “Johnny you were an identical twin. Your biological mother couldn’t keep you, although she wanted to, but she was only 15. We couldn’t adopt the two of you and the other adoptive parents couldn’t either.  So, we each decided to take one of you. The agreement was so that it wouldn’t be hard on you 2 children, that we wouldn’t tell you about the other. Your birth mother asked that we give both of you, Donny and/or Johnny as part of your names, first or middle she didn’t care. Both sets of parents agreed and we each decided on a name. We chose Johnny, because of our names, Julie and James.” 

Johnny and Molly gaped at her unbelievingly while she continued her story. 

“I was constantly afraid of this sort of thing happening because we were in the same basic area, but as the time went on and you got older, I worried about it less and less until I didn’t think about it happening anymore. I guess I was wrong.”  

Molly looked at Johnny as she said, “Looks like I have a new family member, as you are my brother-in-law, biologically speaking. My parents and friends are never going to believe this, but I’ll have to warn them before they meet you. I know how shocked I was, I’d hate to give my parents a heart attack.”  

Molly started to cry. 

She tearfully said, “The Ashes of Donny is alive again.”