Oh, how wonderful it is to give lollipops to little kids in order to make life harder for their parents when the sugar kicks in! Oh, how wonderful it is to feed chocolate to the broken-hearted teenagers like me who need something sweet in their life! Oh, how wonderful it is to watch the messes babies make on their face when you give them something sweet!
I'm telling you, being the queen of diabetes is the most enjoyable experience in life. Except for when diabetes gets to the human blood and you have to suffer from the thought of never getting to eat your precious again.
Oh, sorry. Silly me. I am getting way ahead of myself again, aren't I? You're probably wondering if I'm high on something right now. If you're wondering that, then you are correct! I am the Queen of Diabetes. I am guilty of the reason sugar exists in this world. Without me, you wouldn't drink a Sprite soda. Without me, you wouldn't be able to smoke the smarties that you enjoy so much behind your history teacher, Mr. Thompson's, back. Without me, you wouldn't be able to fight for the skittles that your music teacher tosses for the raffle in class! Oh, the horror!!
Now, you're probably wondering, where did this crazy lady get her awesomeness from? Alas, I was not born with this importance. I was actually luckier. My awesomeness was passed down to me by my one true special fish-friend, Helen Blackthorn of Troy.
For those of you who live under a rock and don't know who Helen is, she is the original Queen of Diabetes. Since the creation of humanity, Helen of Troy has been bringing joy to those wonderful (ungrateful) people around the globe. She was the girl-cupid of this world and she is a beauty. Spending most of her time eating skittles and reading romance novels to acquire the information she needed to get her ships together, Helen was the most important person on Earth. Until she choked on skittles.
You're probably thinking, oh no! Sadly, it is true. No, she is not dead! But she has sacrificed her powers for the love between two of her lovely band members. How do I know this? I am one of her wonderful (grateful) friends and I am one of those band members she sacrificed her powers for.
It all started in my 8th grade junior high year. I met her when she came to our school and joined our band. In case you're wondering, even Helen of Troy in her old age of some billion years can go to Junior High. We became good friends. She would always get high on diabetes during band class and start laughing randomly throughout the period.
Aside from being the smartest kid in school and the most important, Helen loved to rant about books and shoot random strangers with her diabetes powers. However, something she really enjoyed doing was shipping. Because of her immortal being, she thought she would forever be lonely so she decided to just ship people together instead (no one deserved her beautiful and amazing self anyway). Helen had the power to lure people together if she thought that they were perfect for each other. Until she choked on her skittles.
It was during our fourth period, that Mia, she, and I were playing hangman. The words we chose were so silly that Helen laughed so hard and choked on her skittles. Why exactly is this such a horrible thing to do? Well, she was breaking the most important law that was told to her when she was born, never choke on your diabetes. The sound will cause the diabetes-lord to rise from his long-lasting sleep. As the long-existing prophecy claimed, Helen's choking woke him up.
The lord woke and traveled to our fourth-period class so fast that Helen did not have time to fix what she had done. In order to reclaim his power as the Lord of Diabetes, he needed the Queen out of the way. And so he said to her, “My dearest Queen, renounce your position and I shall leave in peace.”
Queen Helen, being the respectful person she is, bowed before her Lord and said to him, “My lord, though I respect you and think of you highly, I cannot rid myself of my power to make sugar and to bring happiness to kids and adults around the globe. I am truly sorry.”
“You must give me the power back or there will be consequences.”
“I am afraid I cannot.”
And so he took her power to get people (that she thought were perfect for each other) together. This made her deeply sad but she got over it and was grateful her diabetes powers weren't taken from her. Until she saw my fellow band member and I walking together during lunch.
She then walked over to where we were and preferred to walk with us and listen to the conversation than to shoot people with free-diabetes. I was annoyed but it was fine. Later, when I had finished what I needed to say, he hugged me and left. Of course, Helen went crazy. She shipped us so much, she was driven to giggles and an insane case of pushing me in his direction.
Like any relationship, we had the ability to happen without the encouragement of someone’s vast knowledge of love. However, I had never had any interest in dating or marrying anyone. My past childhood had stripped me of any belief I may have had of love. Seeing the way my parents argued had left me believing that love only brought you to misery and I promised myself I would never fall in love.
Helen hoped that her ship would sail even though I explained over and over again that he and I were not meant to be. I did not like him and he did not like me. There was no hope that we would ever be a couple. Helen being Helen, did not accept this. She was determined to make sure her ship sailed. The only problem was that she could not get us together without opening my eyes to see that not all love led to misery. To do this, she needed the powers that were taken away from her. Unable to give up her Queenship for her best friend’s love, the unfortunate matter drove her crazy.
It was until Helen was walking with her best friend that she saw him and I walking together. Despite my explaining to her that he was only asking me if I was okay, this was the last thing she needed to sacrifice her powers for us.
Helen choked on her skittles once more to summon the Diabetes-Lord and asked him to give her back her powers to bring people together for the last time. She promised she would then remove herself from the sacred Diabetes-Queenship which she adored so much. I couldn't stop her.
A while back, I mentioned that Helen was the smartest in her school. Helen knew that if she gave her Queenship up, the Diabetes-Lord would use it for evil. He would give out too much diabetes to the point where it got to the blood and they couldn't have any more in order to keep most of the sugar to himself. Helen couldn't let this happen.
Helen kept her promise, but she did it her way. She used her power to get us together against my requests. I can't complain though. He gave me so much happiness.
When Helen finally had to give up her Diabetes-Queenship, she used her shipping powers one last time. She got the Diabetes-Lord a wife and together they had a son. Being queen, she was able to give her power over to someone else. The Diabetes-Lord wanted it for himself but had not gotten Helen's promise that he was the one to get it. When she made me Queen, and his son, King, the Diabetes-Lord had no choice but to obey his own son.
Now, my friend Helen still lives. She may have had her Queenship and powers taken away but being immortal, she will stick with me for a very long time. I too am immortal and I'm glad I can keep her company. I am very privileged to have met such an amazing person. We spend most of our days reading and ranting over fictional characters. Someday, I hope to be like her. I hope to be like the girl who sacrificed a huge part of her life for the happiness of others. I hope to inspire many people as she once did (and still does).
Remember my band friend? Thanks to Helen, we were married for a long while. Until he died of old age and left me with Helen and the King of Diabetes. He brought me great joy and I am thankful for Helen's sacrifice.
Where is Helen Blackthorn of Troy now? Let’s just say she's on a date with her handsome husband, King of Diabetes and skittles. Her sacrifice resulted very well, I suppose. She got a man who deserves her and who will also stick around for as long as she does, being immortal and all.
As for me, I'm just enjoying the life my great friend has given me. Because she has inspired me to love, I'm learning to be like her, bringing happiness and high-hours to children. I wonder if I'll ever be able to pay her back for all the blessings she has given me and so many others.
One last thing for the lovely people around the globe: next time you eat sugar, remember Helen Blackthorn of Troy. She is the reason for the sugar and the reason for the energy you get on those drives back from a party. Always remember the Queen of Skittles for she has been and is, a blessing to humanity. Also… try not to choke on skittles. It may be good for someone's future like it was good for mine but it's not so good for your health.