Mémoire

There is beauty out there, I thought to myself while staring at the rose field out of my window. The snow started to melt, and there was no sign of clouds in the sky. It was indeed a beautiful day, just like my assistant Kyle told me the morning.

Today's March 20, first day of spring I presume, and probably why the park near my office was packed with people. I took the rest of day off so I can enjoy this day as much as I can.

About 6pm, I headed to the park. It was unexpectedly uncrowded, lucky me. The atmosphere was calm, and peaceful, perfect for writers, poets and other artists. The trails were also empty, perfectly clean, something we don't usually witness in this area. Many flowers were peaking from their little fields here and there. I admired the beauty around me for a while before spotting a little ice cream shop in a corner. My stomach growled at the thought of a strawberry sorbet and, honestly, who would resist to the call of food ?

I sat down on a bench, alone, savouring my meal as much as I could. Peace floated in the air and it wasn't long before it took possession of my own soul. I couldn't help but smile.

A couple was passing by, they eyed me for a second and exchanged confused looks. They must be thinking what kind of idiot was I for smiling blankly.

Another couple passed. And another one. I caught a glimpse of a guy and a girl making out behind a tree.

Love was literally in the air. Lovers often go out on a walk on the 1st day of spring, it's pretty romantic actually.

It reminds me of an idylle I had long ago. My first love story and, undoubtedly, the best.

We've met in college orientation, we recognized each other immediately because we went to the same high school. We were close friends, but it ended as soon as he started to date my friend, and I was heartbroken. He didn't know that I've badly fallen for him.

He then asked for my number, and while my subconscious was yelling "DON'T YOU DO THAT", he already added me in his contact list. A strong scent of mint floated around him, I've never found out why he always smelled like mint. I didn't mind, in fact, I loved mint.

Small flat talks turned into long deep discussions, and the awkwardness was soon replaced by a reassuring mutual comfort and understanding. I no longer started to consider him only as a 'long lost friend'. My heart was going wild whenever he was around. I was falling for him again, only this time, he caught me. He confessed that he liked me a lot in a windy spring night. He then offered me two mint leaves, because he knows I love the smell. Happiness was truly an understatement for what I felt back then.

We started dating. And only God knows how much we loved it, how much I loved it. I loved love, I loved being in love. But I was emotionally immature. I haven't developed yet a logical vision of the world. I was acting immaturely and childishly all the time, and surprisingly, he didn't say a word about it.

But you know what they say, beautiful things do not last. We eventually ended by breaking up on a hot summer day because of some nonsense I let slip. I was devastated and about to put all of my anger onto him, but I didn't. Because deep down, I was too attached to him.

Days and weeks passed after. I had to take care of myself and comfort myself, all of my friends were abroad. It turned out to be the best idea : I grew up mentally. I discovered who I was and my intense love for baking and painting. I was no longer this child who thought with her emotions. I was no longer this lady who would cry for no reason at all. And I was no longer mourning my loss, because I was convinced I found me.

Soon after that, guess who contacted me again. No, it was not Jackson Wang. Even though I wished it was him. But no.

It was my ex.

I reacted pretty good and I was proud of myself for not running into his arms at first glance.

We did chit chat sometimes after that. And my mind could not ignore one fact, one true fact i could never run away from : he'll always occupy a piece in my mind, and a tiny room in my heart. A teeny tiny one I promise. And in the night of his birthday, I just went for it and told him what I thought. I did not feel any shame, any regret, any fear. And he replied by something I would've never expected him to say : I love you.

Yes, we dated again. Don't judge me.

And it went better than the first time. We were actually more open to each other. We mutually learned from ourselves, we built a more better version of ourselves together, we were more connected than before.

We kissed. Yes we did. It was magical but now, I cringe at the thought of it.

And one day again, the beautiful thing we had suddenly vanished. He and I have lost the romantic interest we had in each other. "We" ended in an odd way and I couldn't help but feel startled, quite offended. He'd lost interest a while before and, even if a part of me was hurt, I couldn't ignore the fact that I felt the same way.

Shortly after it, I took a path I've never thought that I would ever have the courage to take it, I made a decision I have never thought I would be bold enough to make it. I broke whatever we had left. I was not comfortable and it kept eating me from the inside in a horrible slowly way. To be detached from someone you were convinced you would spend your life with is painful, hard, but possible, and in my case, healthy. It was hard to lose him again and to be back to level 1, despite all of what I've been through.

The sun was already hiding at the horizon, painting the sky with shades of purple, orange and pink. I knew that sunsets here in Michigan were absolutely stunning, but this one right here happening is one of the most epic sunsets I have ever seen.

I kept staring at this heavenly painting that kept reminding me of him once more. And yet again, I smiled.

This is my idylle. You see, I've already mentioned that it was so far the best, and you're probably wondering, "Where is the happy ending ?" "No marriage?"

Love stories do not all end by getting married, making a lot of babies and living happily ever after. Some get suspended in time, some get lost in the depths of the ocean, and some follow their writers to the grave. Besides, some people are only meant to be together, not to stay together.

The sun witnesses the flourishing of flowers in spring and bees dancing around roses. The moon witnesses grey clouds pouring rain on villages, and the farmers grinning from ear to ear.

Every love story has a witness. No journey leaves without scars, or a story to tell. And no love story leaves without a trace engraved in your heart, memories to endure the pain, and maybe sometimes a bunch of letters, to keep company.

Just because it's over, doesn't mean it wasn't worth it.

It was past 8 when my brain finally decided that it was time to head home. The park was illuminated with electric poles around and it looked beautiful. It was starting to get a bit more crowded than the morning and as a certified extrovert, I went to say Hello to some fluffy big dogs.

On my way home, I couldn't help but smile again. I was happy and thankful because I found me, I learned to love myself more than anyone, because I'm the only person who will never let me down, I am the only person who'll provide me with the comfort and care I crave, I am the only person who'll love me unconditionally until the end of time. I am that person I was looking for my entire life.

Sometimes, you have to close your eyes to see how you shine.

When arrived at my doorsteps, a sweet light scent of mint floated in the air.

And at my feet, two mint leaves were peacefully lying there.