Sweet Bitterness

Author's Note- This story contains, gore, physical violence, mental health, and self-harm. Please at your own discretion.

“Don’t walk away from me, Naomi.” Connor’s voice echoed down the hall, chasing after me. 

I stumbled down the hallway to our room. Why did I have to be such a coward? Why couldn’t I stand up for myself? I ducked into my room and deadbolted the door. My knees gave out, and I sank against it. My hands balled into fists against the carpet. 

Mara floated around my head like mist, and her short hair brushed my shoulder. She whispered in my ear. “He doesn’t love you. He’s just gonna hurt you.” 

Connor pounded on the door. “Naomi, open the door.” 

“He wants to separate us, Mi-Mi.” 

I crawled to the other side of the bedroom and hid under my desk, covering my ears. His muffled pounds disappeared. For a moment, I could almost hear myself think through the constant cacophony in my head. 

He started ramming the door. 

The first hit only rattled the door and my frazzled thoughts. He hit it again. And again. And again. The thin wood gave way underneath his weight. 

“Connor, stop it!” My voice shook. 

“Just let me in, Mi,” he said. 

“Don’t listen to him.” Mara perched on my shoulder and glared at the door. "He can't stand seeing you happy with me."

 Connor's elbow burst through the door. It vanished. A hand replaced it, fumbling for the doorknob. 

“Hurry. Jump out the window and run. He can’t separate us if he can’t catch us.” Mara grabbed my shoulder, pulling me to safety. I stumbled to my feet with her help and scrambled to the glass. My trembling fingers managed to twist the locks back and lift the window. I hauled myself into the sill and stuck my foot outside. 

Connor wrenched me back inside by my hair. 

“Where do you think you’re going?” He snarled the words out and threw me to the floor. He leaned down to my ear. “You can’t run, and you can’t hide from me, Naomi.”

The first stomp to my stomach stole my breath. The second tore a scream out of me, and he didn’t stop. Bone crunched underneath his boot. I coughed between cries. Tears blurred my vision. 

Mara watched from her perch on my bed. She mouthed four little words. I told you so.

“-omi. Naomi! Wake up - c’mon, come back, Mi.” 

I blinked, and the pain disappeared. 

Connor tilted my chin up. “There you are.”

“What-what’s going on?” I whispered the words, unable to speak in a louder voice. 

He sighed and shook his head, sitting down beside me. “You were screaming again. It’s alright though. You’re safe.” He squeezed my hand and rubbed his thumb against my cheek. 

I turned my head to look behind me. The door was still intact. Mara was nowhere to be found either. I loosed a shaky sigh and leaned closer. “I thought- I thought you were…”

“Hitting you again?”

I sniffled and nodded. 

“Hey, look at me.” He tilted my head back up. He kissed my forehead and gave me that sweet little smile. “I’d never hurt you, Mi. Okay? You know that right?”

Tears rolled down my cheeks. I nodded again. It was all I could do to convince him. 

He brushed away the drops and set his forehead against mine. He loosed a heavy sigh. “How about we get you your meds? Then we can sit on the couch and rewatch Helluva Boss. I’ll even pop a bag of kettlecorn in.”

A smile tugged at my lips before I could stop it. “Please?”

Connor chuckled and gathered me into his arms, standing up without struggle. “You got it, Mi.”

We spent the rest of the evening on the couch laughing at Blitzø’s one-liners or Moxxie’s awkward mannerisms. The moon dipped below the top of the windowsill, and Connor slumped away from me. A soft snore tumbled past his lips. I smiled and slid my blanket off, tucking it around him instead. I kissed his forehead and stood. Patting in the dark, I searched for the remote. Our couch had a habit of swallowing the damn thing. After shutting off the TV, I turned to the hall. 

Mara blocked my path. 

I stepped back and bumped into the end table. A stack of letters and a letter opener toppled to the ground. 

Mara raised an eyebrow. “I’m not gonna hurt you.”

“You lied to me.” 

“Did I?” She pointed to my stomach. I followed her finger’s direction. 

Blood soaked my shirt. I coughed and warm liquid splattered across my lips, dripping down my chin. I sank to the ground, covering my mouth. The coughs wouldn’t stop. 

“He broke your ribs y’know.” Mara glided closer. She bent down and cupped my face, brushing away a little blood. 

“N-no,” I whispered. 

She raised an eyebrow. 

“This isn’t real.”

Mara laughed and turned away. “This isn’t real? Really?” She drifted toward the couch and picked up a blanket. Folding it, she set the little square over the back of the furniture. 

The pain disappeared. “You’re not real.”

Mara spun back to face me. Her black eyes bored holes through me as if trying to understand how stupid I was. 

She wasn’t alone in her thoughts. 

A chuckle bubbled past her lips. “I’m not real?” The chuckle built into a laugh. “I’m not real? If I’m not real, could I do this?” 

The end table crashed down beside me. I scrambled away from it, clutching the letter opener in my hand. 

“And if I wasn’t real, could I do this!” Mara swept her hand away from her. Like a wave, all the furniture in the room followed, lifting off the ground. 

I stumbled to my feet and ran for the hall. I made it a whole two steps. A blunt object smashed against the back of my head. I fell to the hard floor. A lamp clattered beside me. Something grabbed my hair, pulling me back in an arch. 

Mara hovered above me. She leaned down to my ear. “I said I won’t hurt you, Naomi. We’re one and the same, you and I. Just sluts for attention.” She ran her finger along my jawline and sat on my shoulders. “We can be happy together. That is what you want, isn’t it?”

I jerked away from her touch. “Let me go, Mara.”

“We can be happy forever. Just say you wanna stay with me.” 

I gave my answer by stabbing the letter opener behind me. 

Mara screamed and recoiled. I clambered to my feet and tightened my grip on my letter opener. I turned to face her, brandishing my weapon. Mara held the right side of her face where I’d stabbed. 

“What are you doing, Mi-Mi?” The words hissed past her clenched teeth. 

“I,” I said, “am taking back control of my life.” 

Mara huffed through her nose. “What are you talking about? You are in control.”

“No. No, I’m not. You control it.” 

She tilted her head to the side, black liquid dripping down her cheek. Mara’s face split apart in a grin. “Do I now?”

My fingers curled into fists. “You constantly try to split me apart from Connor. You make me see things that aren’t real. All you want is to see me upset and terrified isn’t it?!” 

She drifted closer and picked up a lock of my hair, sliding it through her fingers. “I don’t want to scare you, Naomi. You want to be happy right?”

I froze.

She leaned in and whispered against my ear. “I can give you that.”

I nodded and tilted my head towards hers. “But not the happiness I want.” 

I stabbed the letter opener through her neck and ripped it out. I turned back to the hallway, but her hand latched around my wrist. She yanked me down to my knees. I jabbed the letter opener through her neck again. And again and again, till her hand fell from my wrist. 

Mara didn’t fight back. She let out a little chuckle. “You dumb little fuck. You can’t kill something that’s already inside you.”

Connor’s hand fell from my wrist. His head dropped to the ground, and his lips formed a small “o”. Blood bubbled out of his neck, pooling on the floor, and Connor’s eyes glazed over. 

I opened my mouth in a soundless scream. Tears streaked down my cheeks, and I sank to my knees. 

What had I done? 

Mara set her chin on my shoulder.“Tsk tsk, look at the mess you’ve made.” 

I turned my head. She turned hers to meet my eyes. Her lips twisted up into a cruel smile. “Come now, there’s no sense in crying. You’ll just mess up your cute little face. How is anybody ever supposed to love you when you look like that?”

"Why?" The word barely escaped my vocal cords. 

Mara cupped my cheeks. "You want happiness. I'm just here to watch you fail and help you pick up the pieces."

I followed her to the bathroom. 

Blood swirled down the porcelain sink. I tore my eyes away and looked up. A girl in the mirror stared back. Her sunken eyes bled tears, streaking mascara down her face. Her pale lips split apart in a silent sob. Happiness wasn't a word that could ever fit someone like her. I blinked, and she blinked back. 

Mara sat on the marble counter, humming a soft tune. She rifled through my lipstick bag. "It won’t be so bad, yannow? You don't need to worry about anyone else."

I scrubbed harder at the dried blood around my fingernail bed. 

Mara huffed through her nose. "So dramatic," She uncapped a lipstick and screwed it up. “Honestly.” 

I rinsed the letter opener under the water. 

All I wanted was to be happy. Was that too much to ask? My eyes locked with the girl in the mirror. Her eyes held no soul. 

Maybe I could make her happy.

I lifted the letter opener to my lips. I set the tip at the corner. I carved a line to my cheekbone in a sharp jerk. Blood dribbled down my chin, coating my cheek in a red sheen. Transparent tears mixed with the liquid. It created a beautiful little droplet, clear mixing with crimson. 

I repeated the motion on the other side. I lowered the letter opener and rinsed it again. I didn’t feel the pain. It wasn’t worse than the pain inside. Why should I even care about it? 

Mara drew on the mirror, glancing at me from time to time. "There. You see? You're already happier. You just had to get him out of your system." She returned to her writing. 

My reflection needed a better smile. I dragged my finger across my cheek.  I painted her lips in a bright red. A small little curved line connected to a larger curved line underneath, creating a glistening grin on the mirror.

Maybe I could smile like that again one day. 

"There we go." Mara leaned back and capped the lipstick. "What do you think?"

Four black letters covered the top of the mirror. 

Mara leaned her head against my shoulder. "A slut. That's what you are, Mi-Mi: a sweet, little, unlovable thing."