You Were Never Really There

Like the dawn broke the darkness, Toby opened his eyes. The dark sky above him shone like dotted snow, the cold around him a blanket. He looked around, an ugly shade of dark brown on the grass he laid on. Fires exploded from around me as Toby gasped, taking cover from the gunfire, gunshots in the movies were nothing like real life. It was exhilarating, the pounding sound of screams on the battlefield, the brown dirt under him crunching for everyone, but when he walked it was silent, he was always much quieter; never a loud person. Toby heard the sounds of planes above him, smoke engulfing the air like a noxious parasite, the sound of clamorous, thundering booming from each canon. His chest hurt, the pain like a fire spreading through his bones. He ducked down, canonballs raining like hail, the ash like snow covering the once beautiful town. A forest fire started, the fire dancing against the green redwood's like another parasite, wanting to take the home away. Just like the war. The scent of blood filled his senses as the person next to him got shot, the sounds of war filling his ears. Toby put his hand in his pockets, feeling around for something, anything. He took out a small paper, the black ink once on it smudged and the paper a shade of brown, like it was dipped in black tea. He unfolded it, reading it to himself, words he's read thousands of times before. Eyes scanning the black ink like it was the last thing keeping him alive.

"Dearest Toby,

My brother and best friend, I regret to tell you that the President of Leidenstaf wants to have another meeting in a week’s time, which means I cannot see you for another two weeks. The train ride home is a week, so in two weeks we shall meet again. Are you still in critical condition? Does the pain still feel unbearable? Toby, please do not go back into the front lines again, you are in no condition to do as such. Please! Toby, I beg with all my might, if you pass away in battle I may as well pass away too. I wish I could've joined you on the battlefield but politics begs my pardon. I'll be home soon, brother. I love you. Rest well, if you can. I wanted to talk about the whole situation with Leidenstaf, Drossl, and Frosse. Since you're biased, and so am I, we both want Leidenstaf to ally with Drossl. I cannot believe that the Queen asked for me, Tom! To be apart of her cabinet that convinces President Ungdhar to ally with us! Gosh, I am only 20 and my political pursuits are paying off. I'm excited for this. I hope everything is okay on your side. I hope your hospital bed is comfortable and the sight is nice. I miss you, Toby! I hope we meet once again! 

- Tommy"

Drossl and Frosse were arguing over land, Drossl owned the land but Frosse wanted it; so it was a war. His brother was waiting for him at home, and here he was in the middle of a battlefield where no one were allies, not even the soldiers from the same side. It was kill or be killed; and it was pathetic. Sounds of screams and gunshots, canons and tanks, fire and parasites taking over the nature. The river between the two parties were a shade "Huh?" Toby asked, looking around, his brown eyes scanning the battlefield, standing up from shock and terror. The thing that he was using as cover has just been destroyed, and yet he has not yet been shot. He slowly aimed his gun at the perfect shot and pulled the trigger, supposedly hitting another soldier. The sound of ringing echoed as he watched the bullet pass through, his brown eyes widened, walking around. No one shot, no one hit, and even if they did, it was nothing more than a sensation in his stomach. He felt his chest ache, more than just realization. The realization of well, everything, hit harder than any bullet or any truck or any other insult someone could throw his way. He closed his eyes, the dark sky above him like some cruel painting.

He was never really there.

---

"Why did you let him go back into the battlefield? He was injured to begin with!" Tommy screamed, his blonde hair in his face, a light red decorating him. His blue eyes felt tears prick in the corners, tears running down his cheeks. "Why did you... why did you let him go, Wilbur?" Tommy asked again, "Wilbur, you're our older brother, you were to watch him while I was away!" 

Wilbur hugged Tommy, trying his best to console his brother. "Please, Tommy. I tried, he was stubborn and-" Wilbur sighed. "He wouldn't listen..."

"We'll never see him again. He's never really going to be here, is he?" Tommy stepped back, holding his head in his hands and he started to sob. Wilbur held his brother in his hands. Toby watched his own burial. have you ever watched your funeral? it was heartbreaking. Toby watched as his brother, in a black suit unlike his red t-shirt gave a speech. Toby listened to every word. It was messy, all over the place, and maybe even a bit badly written, but it meant so much.

"He... was my best friend. Three years we fought together, me on the politics and him- in the battlefield. I saw that in every battle he gave everything. He got all our supplies, he trusted us all. he did so much work- he did all the gathering... we never thanked him. I just miss him so much. I don't know how we can celebrate after this.. but i know he's here with us. i can sometimes feel his eyes watching me as I cry, but-" Tommy felt like crying again. "but we cant-" he choked out a sob again. "I cant- I'm sorry." Tommy walked off the little slab of stone and sat back down, as tubbo hugged tommy for the final time.

"I'm here for you." the brunette whispered, as Tommy teared up.

"I miss you."