Dreaming of Kim

I’m going to go. There, I’ve said it, so there’s no turning back now. It was the dream which made me make up my mind. He’s standing there before me, wearing a pair of ragged jeans and his thousand-dollar smile. Now he’s running down a dirt track, but with trees, real trees, standing either side. He turns to call to me, laughing, then turns back to carry on running. Stretching out beyond the track I can see fields, transforming into dunes as my eyes reach the horizon, hazy in the late afternoon sun. And beyond, the sea, a thin shimmering line of blue and gold which fills my heart with a yearning so intense I can hardly breath.

“Come and join me, Kay!” I try to hold onto his voice as the dream fades, and the harsh white light of my pod blinks on as it recognizes that I have entered a wakeful state.

Kim. My beautiful younger brother, so impetuous, so fearless. Unlike me. He made the decision without hesitation, the promise of adventure shining in his eyes, and I could already feel the vast distance between us, as though he had already left.

A small beep from my tablet shakes me out of my reverie. It’s Kim, an incoming message. Communication from Farside is always sporadic and error prone, and only short messages are technically possible. They tried to explain it to me when he left, but I think I was in a state of shock that he had actually gone through with it, so I couldn’t comprehend what they were telling me.

I close my eyes to try to hold onto the image of my brother for as long as possible, then open them again to press the button to receive the message. Please let him be alright, please let it say that he is still safe.

I dreamt of you last night.

I read the message over and over again, six simple words which I cling on to, shoring up my resolve to go ahead with what I can barely admit to myself consciously, even though I know at some deep level that the decision has already been made.

I dreamt of you too I write back. I have no way of knowing whether or not when my message will arrive. I look back over the few sparse messages I received since he left:

I’m here Kay, I’m really here!

It’s just like they told us

When will you come?

It’s been just me and Kim since our parents died a few years back. Their rover broke down sixty miles out from the settlement. They were forced to abandon the vehicle and walk by foot to the nearest outpost, but they never made it. The searing temperatures overcame them, and they were found days later, lying huddled together on the scorched highway, just five miles distant from the outpost.

I chew on my protein cube as I dress slowly, amazed and terrified in equal measure that I have come to this decision. I look around the close confines of the pod which has been my home, was our home since the accident. I look over at Kim’s empty bunk, no evidence now of the laughing, optimistic boy who shared my life.

Farside – the promise of a better life than this drab existence eked out deep underground, a place truly of your dreams. He left as soon as he was old enough to go, on his fourteenth birthday. He wanted me to go with him, to share this adventure together, but I was too afraid. But now my mind is made up. I will find him, and we will be together again, just like we always should have been.

***

The journey to the administration centre is filled with the memories of that day, six months ago, when I accompanied Kim on the start of his journey. My resolve nearly snaps when I arrive at the unassuming white doors with the simple Farside insignia above the entranceway. I haven’t brought much with me - you can’t take personal belongings to Farside. Everything you need is provided for. I just need my tablet for personal identification.

I step through the doors and up to the reception desk, where a woman wearing a white gown is staring into a screen. “I’ve come to register” I say, handing the woman my tablet for identification. She takes the table and checks my details.

“Kay 4123.” She looks at me critically for a few moments, then turns back to her screen. “You have a brother in Farside.”

“Kim”, I say, swallowing hard. “Do you know how he is? Is he safe?”

“Have you received any messages from him?” asks the woman.

“A few, not many”, I reply. I dreamt of you last night

“Communication is difficult and error prone”, she agrees, “But some do get through. You’ll want to be with him, of course”

I nod, relief must have shown on my features, as the woman smiles. “That’s usually possible. Are you ready? Then come this way please.

Terror grips me for a moment, and I am rooted to the spot, unable to move or think. The woman waits, but she shows no sign of impatience. I guess she must have seen this hesitation in people countless times before. Soon I’ll be with Kim, I tell myself, and will my body forward. The woman nods with satisfaction, then then turns and heads towards another door at the back. She leads me down an endless corridor, with doors leading off to the left and right at regular intervals, each displaying a designation number. She finally stops by one of the doors and enters a code into the keypad on the side panel. The door glides open and we enter.

The woman makes a gesture, so I turn in this direction and walk with hesitant steps to the alcove set into the wall. I reach out and touch the smooth glass of the capsule, trying to trace out the contours of his face. Kim. He is lying motionless, suspended in the yellow liquid which is feeding his body with nutrients, keeping him alive. His eyes are closed, and he looks peaceful, as if he has just fallen into a slumber. He could be dreaming, which, of course, he is. Farside, a technological solution to a social problem. Overcrowding, lack of basic resources, depression and despair at what the world has become? You can escape it all in Farside. Enter a dreamscape of limitless possibilities, bring your family with you and share the wonder.

I look closer and see the small electrodes attached to his skin, micro thin wires measuring and monitoring, bringing the information to the processing unit situated next to the capsule. A small green light is the only indication that everything is functioning normally. “I’m coming, Kim”, I whisper. I look slowly around the room now, registering the dozens of other similar capsules located around the walls.

“How will I find him?”, I ask the woman.

“We’ll set up a link. The electrical activity of your brain will slowly synchronize with his. It’ll take time, but you’ll meet up in the end.”

“What if I don’t like it in there, what if I want to leave?”

“You’ll be monitored. If the system senses your desire to leave, we’ll be notified, and we’ll come and get you out.” She pauses for a second, then adds, “But no-one ever does.”

***

It’s time, but I’m not nearly ready enough. I’m lying in a capsule, the electrodes prickling my skin. The narcotics feeding into my system will send me into a deep unconscious state very soon, but my heart is beating like a caged animal, a trapped bird fluttering desperately around the rafters searching for a means of escape. A soft swishing sound signals that the glass covering of the capsule has moved into place above my head. I close my eyes as the oxygen-rich protein mixture floods the chamber. A last surge of panic rises up, but then the darkness envelops me.

***

I open my eyes, realising with a shock that I actually have eyes to open, that I am aware of my body, even though I appear to be floating in an inky blackness. Did something go wrong? I thought I was supposed to be somewhere, anywhere. Gradually I become aware of light filtering into my consciousness. I can feel ground under my feet, and a light breeze caresses my skin. I feel my head, expecting to pull at wires and electrodes, but all I feel is my normal hair, long and brown. The scene snaps into focus with a sudden intensity which makes me gasp. I am standing in a field of long grass which is swaying gently in a warm breeze. The sun hangs low in the sky, a friendly, warming sun, nothing like the harsh ball of fire I saw sometimes from the domes. In the distance I can see a long line of trees. I look around, shielding my eyes against the sun, but as far as I can see, there is not a single person in sight.

Where was Kim? I call his name, suppressing the unease creeping over me. It would take time to synchronise, right? I would find him soon. I start walking in the direction of the trees, when without warning the scene changes and I am lying face down in sand. I hear the crash of waves, and the cry of seagulls circling overhead. I’ve never seen the sea before, only pictures and video scenes, yet here I am experiencing the sea with all my senses. I curl the sand with my fingertips and sit up to feel the warmth of the sun on my face and listen to the gentle song of the ocean.

The scene shifts again…

***

The technicians’ footsteps echo loudly as they walk together down the quiet corridor. It’s evening, so the lighting is dimmed to give the illusion of the impending night. They carry tablets in their hands, conferring quietly together. They stop next to the door, and the older technician punches in the code to gain entry. They walk into the room to stand by one of the glass capsules.

“A newcomer,” says the younger one, checking his list. “Came in yesterday, Kay 4123”.

“Any relatives?” the older one asks.

“Only one, Kim 783, came into Farside six months ago.” He checks his tablet again. “She got the messages. Adding that to the system was a nice touch, the uptake increased enormously after that was rolled out.”

The older one sighs, “Gets them every time. Okay, shut them both down, that’s our lot for tonight.”

***

The light fades suddenly, and I feel a chill enveloping my body. In the darkness I can hear the blood pounding in my ears. Again I’m floating in a void, and I can feel cold fingers of ice creeping into my heart. Something isn’t right. Fear overcomes me and I cry out, willing myself to return to the surface, but nothing happens. I curl myself into a ball and give myself up to the darkness.

***

I open my eyes. I’m lying on a dirt track, with trees either side. Stretching out beyond the track I can see fields, transforming into dunes as my eyes reach the horizon, hazy in the late afternoon sun. And beyond, the sea, a thin shimmering line of blue and gold.

“You came Kay, you found me!”. He’s standing in front of me wearing his tattered jeans and his thousand-dollar smile. Then he turns and starts to run down the track. I leap up and chase after him, catching his laughter as he turns round to look at me. This time I’m not letting him go.