Hogmanay

Stacey cleaned the last of the steak pie off of the wall and hoped that she would be able to get the stain out without ruining the wallpaper. She had wanted one last Hogmanay party before she officially hung up her hosting duties and what better one than the last one of the 20th century?

It had all started out so well, everyone arrived on time for once, even her brother and sister in law, who were notorious for wanting to be the centre of attention.

"Hi Stace, thanks for inviting us. I brought my own bottle of champers, cause I know the stuff you will have wont sit right with me."

Andrea could always cut Stacey to the core within the first minute of seeing her. She loved to act like she was a better class than Stacey, but she forgot that Andrea knew her when she was drinking £1 bottles of cider round the back of the school and chasing after Dennis Trueman hoping he would pay her any attention. And anyway, it was Andy who had the money, it was Andy that was the successful one, it was Andy that kept them in their nice four bedroom house. Andrea said she was a "Social Media Influencer" but really that was just a fancy way of saying she was unemployed.

Stacey guided them into the living room where the rest of her family were already sat and getting ready for their steak pie dinner. Stacey's mum was there with second boyfriend of the festive period ,Allan, who for some reason didnt want to take his shoes or jacket off. Sat next to her mum was Grannie Halliday, who hadnt said a word to anyone since she arrived, but sat with her eyes locked on the TV watching a repeat of Only an Excuse from the 90s without the sound on. She didnt laugh at any of the jokes in fact she looked like she was confused as to why these people were on the telly at all. On the other sofa was Aunt Lesley and her daughter Ash, who both sat with cans of Tennents Lager and wouldnt take a glass to pour them into. They had the rest of the carry out on the floor next to them, a further 22 cans of Tennents Lager and a litre bottle of Glens Vodka. Stacey knew that when the vodka got taken out the bag, it was time to call a taxi for them or they would be rolling about the carpet tearing each others extensions out.

Stacey took the bottle of champagne from Andrea and went through to put it into a bottle holder she had gotten at Christmas and grab a beer for Andy. Robert was in there taking the steak pie out of the oven and plating up the mash potato to go with it. This was an enormous steak pie but to get nine portions out of it was going to be a stretch. As always they had to give Lesley and Ash the exact same amount on the plate or else they would argue about who got the bigger plate. Gran took a portion, but would probably just taste the sauce. And of course, even though everyone knew she wouldnt touch a thing on her plate, Andrea needed to have a plate set out in front of her, just to give her an excuse to tell everyone it wasnt like the dinner she had at St Andrews in the summer.

Stacey took the first plate through to the table and called everyone to sit down. It took 10mins to get everyone sat down at the table after Allan said he couldnt sit in the middle as he needed easy access to exit routes. Then when they had all sat down Robert knocked a full can of Tennents over the table, causing Ash to nearly scream the house down about how she only had 10 beers left to last her into the New Year. Once she was appeased with one of Roberts cans of Stella and the beer was cleaned up, they sat down to eat.

"These plates are so 80s Stacey, I know that 60s chic is in but I didnt realise 80s style poundland was the next big thing" Andrea said, before the plate was even placed down on the table.

"This looks interesting, but it really isnt something I can eat on this diet. The only meal I have been able to eat this year was when me and Andy were up in St And..."

SMASH

A full plate of steak pie missed Andrea by about 6 inches and slid down the wall like a clowns custard pie.

"Andrew son, will you tell her to shut the fuck up about St Andrews! I remember catching her round the back of the shop getting pumped against the bins aff that wee Ned Dennis Trueman. I'm sick of all her airs and graces acting like she is Princess fucking Diana"

Everyone turned to look at Grannie Halliday as she stood across the table from Andrea, hardly able to stand up herself, but at that moment looked like it would take a bus going at 40mph to knock her over.

Andrea and Andy got up and left with a lot of "well I nevers" and "dont expect to put up with that" but secretly Andy was loving the fact that someone had finally put her in her place. He waved to everyone as Andrea stormed out, shouting for Andy to get her a taxi.

Everyone sat down and ate their Steak Pie and then Stacey cleaned up the mess on the wall. At 11:55pm she made sure everyone had a drink for the bells, and decided that she would have a glass of the champagne that Andrea had forgotten to take with her as she stormed out.

5,4,3,2,1, HAPPY NEW YEAR

Stacey gave Andy a kiss and then took a drink to toast in the year.

It tasted like cider, £1 plastic bottle cider.

If thats what the 21st century is bringing, Stacey thought she would host just one more party to see how it went.