Two Perfect Proposals

Two ugly divorces. One custody battle. One night of violence. Two souls waiting for the perfect timing.

         I told myself I would never get married again. I didn’t even want to entertain the idea of a proposal, a wedding, or even being vowed to another after the experience I had endured. All that mattered now was the safety and well being of my children and me, as their mother.

         The summer of 2015 had been one for the books. I was ready for the fall since I would soon be returning to work. Setting up my classroom was one of my favorite parts of back-to-school. It was calming and held so many possibilities for the upcoming year. It was a fresh start for everyone, and I was in desperate need of one. When school began in late August, I felt a new sense of self: professionally and personally. My passion for teaching was restored, and I was enjoying the adjustment to single-mom life. While there were harmless dates here and there, a long-term commitment was no where in sight. Thank goodness!

         My parents were always a great support system, so I often spent evenings with them cooking dinner and letting their grandkids play. My mom has worked at the same hospital for the last 25 years, and I even spent a short time working there after high school. There was always the presence of the ever-essential IT department in the hospital setting. Without properly running computers and scanning machines, how would hospitals make it?! They would often walk through departments in their bright blue polo shirts with the hospital’s insignia and khaki pants. Most were older and experienced in the IT sector, but I always took a second look at a younger member. He had dark hair and dark eyes, and he wore a beaded necklace that screamed 90’s grunge, effectively confirming his younger age. My mom would often get the details of the cute IT guy when I’d get home after work as a starry-eyed 19-year-old.

         Surprisingly, on one of our dinner-cooking evenings post-divorce, my mother mentioned the name of that young IT guy she had been worried about for a while. I learned that he had gone through just as ugly of a divorce as I had, only his didn’t end in violence. Instead, he endured a grueling custody battle for his son, which is its own brand of internal violence. Divorce has been said to hurt like the loss of a loved one. The grieving process is different for everyone, so I thought Mr. IT Guy could benefit from conversation with one who could empathize if he needed a sounding board. I offered up my contact information, via my mother, with no real expectation he could actually use it.

         A few weeks later, and four days after Christmas of 2015, I was lounging on my couch while my children played with their new toys. I watched my son spend hours putting together his LEGO police station and my daughter write songs to perform with her new guitar. Our little apartment had become our new safe place, and I loved it! It was ours. While relishing in the moment, I received a message on my social media account from the IT guy I had once crushed on as a teenager. He introduced himself and said he would love to talk sometime given our similar experiences of our failed marriages. I immediately called my mom at the hospital.

         “You’ll never guess who just sent me a message!”

         My mom replied, “Oh I know. He was just here, and we were talking about        you.”

Look at Mom! What a sneaky little matchmaker! Of course, since my mom thought so highly of him, I responded to his message. That evening, after talking via messages all day, we decided to meet at Chuck-E-Cheese with our children that very night.

         I remember thinking how crazy this situation was since I had known of this man for several years. We were finally meeting and talking! But this was only going to be platonic. I told myself long ago that I wanted no part of a commitment or a relationship. Then, I walked through the door of “The Land of Bad Pizza and Too Much Screaming” and saw him. It was all over from there. He still had dark hair and those dark, mysterious eyes, but he was much taller than I remembered. When he finally saw me and our eyes locked, the world shifted on a cosmic level. It was as if two stars had been swirling around in the same far-away galaxy for 30 years, often coming close to colliding but just missing each other. In this one moment in time, these two stars crashed into each other with such force, all that seemed wrong with the world was now corrected. It was a moment in time, a storyline that had been planned our whole lives, and we were in the middle of its climax.

         Despite the desire we both thought we had about steering away from a relationship went out the window. Our children immediately got along the night we met, and it was almost like we slipped into a new normal without thinking about it. The five of us became an instant family, and it was as natural as the organic peanut butter in my pantry. Our relationship and bond, not only as a couple, but as a family too, was organic and pure. Naturally, the topic of marriage quickly showed its head, right along with the fears and internal questions:

         “Do we really want to go down that road again? What if things don’t turn   out like we want? What will people think about this happening less than a   year after our divorces? I know my mom loves him, but what will my dad        think?”

         In March of 2016, I got my answer to at least one of those questions. He and I had been inseparable since the day of our first message back on December. After a long day of teaching, we planned to go out to dinner, just the two of us. We chose a local place, nothing too fancy or out of the ordinary. The entire conversation over dinner was about our future, what it would look like, and not worrying about what society expected of a coupe giving love a second chance. Mr. IT started planting hints that he planned to propose in April around his birthday. I started panicking on the inside because it was only a month away! All the fears and questions came spinning back into existence. We knew his parents would approve of a hasty engagement, and my mom already gave her approval when she played Matchmaker for us. The one in question was my very protective, traditional dad.

         “What do you think your dad would say about getting engaged?” asked         my dinner date.

         I wanted this to be very clear: “My dad is very protective of me. He would         be nervous about the timing for sure, but there is something else. You     absolutely need to ask for his blessing before doing anything.”

         He was nodding his head as if he understood the requirements to take me to the altar. Then he did something that nearly knocked me out of my chair.

         “I think your dad would be ok with it. In fact, I already asked him, and he       gave his blessing.”

         Before I could even say anything, he was on his knee next to me opening the box he had in his pocket throughout our entire dinner. “Will you marry,” wasn’t as scary as I had thought. In fact, hearing him profess his love while kneeling on the weird carpet in the restaurant took all those scary questions away. When I said “YES!” it brought us to a new climax in our story, but it wasn’t the last one.

         Before I met my new fiancé, I had planned an educational trip with a group of my high school students and a few of their parents. He knew of my plans and eventually planned to join us! We would be spending ten days in Europe: eight in England and two in Paris during the upcoming summer of 2016. We had even discussed how romantic and amazing a proposal at the top of the Eiffel Tower would be, but he couldn’t wait that long.

         July came soon enough, and we were off to Europe with a group of 23 students and parents. It became clear to our group members that my fiancé and I made a great team as we were referred to as Mama and Papa Duck throughout our 10 days abroad. My students quickly connected with his young spirit and ridiculous sense of humor. As our time in England came to an end and we headed to Paris, I felt a shift in behavior from my betrothed.

         Our first day in Paris was jam-packed with driving past the cliché tourist sights: Champs-Elysees, Arc de Triomphe, The Louvre, Notre Dame, and of course the Eiffel Tower. We’d be spending more time at each of these, but it was surreal to see all of them out the window of our tour bus. I still sensed odd behavior from Papa Duck but was hoping it would fizzle out by the time we got to the Eiffel Tower later that evening. After all, he always said it was the most romantic place in the world.

         Our evening was spent walking the streets of Paris, eating Pizza at a hidden gem of a restaurant, and making our way to the spectacular, sparkling Tower of Love. Our group patiently stood in the two, much appreciated, security checkpoint lines to make our way to the top of the tower and view Paris from above. I immediately became irritated. My students were amazing. I was irritated with the man who was supposed to be by my side. Rather than standing with me at what he deemed “the most romantic place in the world,” he was standing at the tail end of our group chatting away with my students. What the heck?! Once we were past security and began making the long journey up the tower, my irritation only festered. I pouted (like a complete child, I’m embarrassed to admit) and didn’t understand why he was wasting this experience.

         There is something so freeing about the air at the top of the Eiffel Tower. It’s glorious and seems to take your worries away, which is exactly what happened when we stepped off the elevator at the top. My nerves and irritation were calming, especially once we spotted a spot to purchase a flute of champagne. The opportunity for champagne is everywhere, and I was the most appreciative at that moment. Flutes in hand, Mr. Wasted Romance led me to a clear spot by the railing overlooking the city. Strangely, I noticed my students making a bubble around us and cameras ready while the man in front of me what kneeling again. Then it hit me: the top of the Eiffel Tower! But, we’re already engaged! What was happening? Is that another ring?!

         “I know I’ve already done this, but since were here at the top of the Eiffel      Tower, I’m going to ask you one more time: Will you marry me?”

         I was taken by such surprise and couldn’t stop fidgeting (which is what I do when I’m nervous)! It’s even clear in the videos my wonderful students took of the whole event. You can also hear me clearly shout, “YEAH!” while slipping on my second ring, which was a gorgeous amethyst to signify my birth month. We were celebrated with wishes of love and applause by everyone on the tower, not just my students. It was the most beautiful moment I’ve ever experienced. My irritation was purposely provoked! As it turns out, my students helped my fiancé in finding the perfect second ring and in planning the second proposal. The shift in behavior was done to throw me completely off-course, which I proudly admit worked wonderfully!

         Reflecting on things now, it’s amazing how much a journey it has been in a short time. My now-husband and I have experienced such growth both together and as individuals. We were both broken from our past experience with marriage, but the stars finally aligned for us.

         Two ugly divorces. Two broken souls who finally found their mates. Two perfect proposals.