Test Anxiety

“Breathe.” She whispers to herself as she scurries down the sidewalk in hope that she can beat the time. She lifts her wrist to glance at the time on her watch, and huffs in annoyance seeing that she is now five minutes late. Buildings and people pass in a blur as she takes off running, her shoes slapping the concert as she races down the street.

“This is the last time, I am waiting for a ride from anyone.” The girl mutters to herself as she slows down back to walking pace. Her mother was supposed to pick her up fifteen minutes ago, and was a no show. Waiting for her mother, resulted in her being late to her test. The only reason she waited, was because her mother promised her coffee before her test. She hardly sees her mother, they both have very different views on education and her life. She had hoped to talk to her mother, Christmas is happening in a few months, and she wanted to spend some time with her beforehand. She shakes her head muttering to herself, walking into the building into a crowd of people.

Her eyes flicker to the clock above the security office, seeing that she is now fifteen minutes late she stops and sighs heavily. The temptation to turn around and go home is strong, but she has to write this test. Her mind is racing with thoughts, “What if the teacher doesn’t let me write the test, and put me down as a failure?” Her heart skips a beat as it beats at the same speed her thoughts are racing. She sits down on the chair and starts chewing her nails, deep in thought.

“I should never have waited so long for someone who was never going to show up.” She whispers to herself as the thoughts of failing flooded her mind. With her mind and her heart pounding like a drum, it was getting hot in the building making it hard for her to breathe. She was gasping for air, taking off her jacket and scarf in hopes that it will make a difference. It felt like something was sitting on her chest, making her vision blur with tears. She hasn’t felt this scared since her Grade 8 graduation dance, where they all had to make an inspiring speech about their life goals.

“Hey, don’t walk around if you’re experiencing an anxiety attack. Sit down and put your head between your knees. Take deep breaths.” Someone says soothingly, she turns around to see her friend holding coffee. Her friend was also taking the test, seeing that she was also late stopped her from pacing. “What are you doing here? Don’t you have a test to write?” She asks her friend as they both sit on the step of a staircase. She places her head on her knees and faces her good friend, taking deep breathes slowing her heart rate down.

“I do, but the teacher said we cannot be more than half an hour late, anymore than that then he’ll put us both down as zeros. We have at least… 10 more minutes before he does that.” She states as she sips on her coffee. Her friend soothingly rubs her back, making the world around her fall away when she closes her eyes. Writing this test was so important, she needs a good mark so she can get into the program that she wishes. But in order to get in, she needs high marks and good attendance to prove that she deserves a spot in the program.

She thinks of her mother, looking at her disapprovingly when she shows her the bad mark on her test. Her mother can be very strict when she wants to be, her making decisions for herself is what divided their relationship. Making herself move across the city in hopes to prove her mother wrong, her mother views her future career as a waste of time. She wants to be an astrophysicist, someone that studies space and Earth. When she announced this to her parents, her father was thrilled for her, her mother not so much. She sighs heavily, thinking of her mother’s words if she fails the test. Her skin feels tight, like it shifted and she is in someone else’s body. Her heart rate is beating hard and fast, making her breath quicken. A sick feeling hits her stomach, making her moan as the taste of pennies flood her mouth.

“What are you stressing out for? You’ve been preparing for this test for weeks. Heck, you have been studying harder than me.” Her friend says. She peeks at her through her hair, noticing her friend has her flashcards for the test. It’s true, ever since the last test, she scored a 72% on it, she was preparing everything for the next one. She wanted a higher grade, at least in the 90% area, to show her mother her potential for her career that she so badly wants.

“I need a high mark on this test, so in a few months I can attend the program I need for my career. I feel like I’m going to fail on this one, I don’t know. I know I studied hard, but I feel like I’m going to flunk.” She says to her friend as she fixes her hair into a bun. Her friend nods along to the words, scanning each card as she listens to her talk about why she is making a big deal of this test.

Her friend quizzes her for the next five minutes, nodding every time she got a question right. As she’s getting quizzed on, she relaxes as her fear sinks back into her imaginary box with the lock. She wipes her sweaty palms on her pants as she gets up to gather her things. They have five minutes to get to class before they really get written off.

“Breathe.” Her friend whispers to her as they near the classroom, her heart rate quickens when the thoughts of failing pop up like an advertisement. She nods back to her friend, taking slow deep breaths before entering the room. The sound of pencils being dragged across the paper fills her ears. Her teacher clears his throat, turning her attention to him. He taps his foot in annoyance, but his face is calm. The sick feeling comes back, as do the taste of pennies.

“Why, hello ladies. What brings you to class so late?” He asks raising a bushy eyebrow up in question. Her friend explains that they experienced parking problems, and that I was having some anxiety about this test. He nods along to her words and hands us both the test. 

“Well, if you guys studied hard enough, you’ll both do good on the test.” He says to us with confidence and points at a few chairs in the back. Her friend gives her a small nod as they both sit down, she quickly scans the test noticing that she knows most of the material. Her body once so tense, relaxes with relief. Maybe she’ll get a high grade on her test, seeing her future bright she answers each question with confidence.