Vis comun

Her eyes started to hurt, she knew that, ironically, it wasn’t a brilliant idea to stare at the sun as it was setting, but she felt that sunset was a unique event, despite being something that was somewhat guaranteed to happen every day, despite being the same sun since forever, it was an unique event and smiling through the pain she blinked fast and let herself fall on the sand.

- Isn’t it beautiful?- she said in a whisper, her voice mixing with the rumble of the waves

- Yes, very beautiful- she answered, her voice small and shaky

She listened her breathing deeply, filling herself with the air from the sea, filling her whole being for the first time with that place, the one they’ve been talking about during almost all of their lives. She heard her cough and placed her hand over her back, rubbing it up and down with a soft comforting movement.

- Breathe slowly, maybe the salt is too aggressive- she said without knowing if she truly believed what she was saying, maybe she was just trying to lie a bit to both of them

- You can’t help but get excited with all of this- she could hear the smile in her voice, feel the joy in her gentle tone, something exceeding the shyness of her essence

She dared to turn her head around, her wounded eyes focused on her, everything was blurry, like the lines that delimited the mundane had taken a break, the colors extended and turned into uncertain strokes, like an oil painting, everything but her, in a strange way she managed to maintain as on the dot and gorgeous as always, a vision of clarity and happiness in the middle of a spotted canvas.

- I’m sorry- she said with a broken voice, feeling the tears filling up her eyes, sharpening the sting

- Oh, why?- she asked in return, still with her small smile, her eyes half closed, focused on the horizon

- For taking so much time, because it’s happening just now, because I’ve promised so many things, because…

She raised her hand and placed her fingertips on her lips, stopping the eruption of that volcano of laments. She did it without the need to see her, she knew her perfectly, the maternal wisdom deepened through the years gave her a certainty that didn’t require such ordinary things like corporal calculations; every time she stretched her hand, she unmistakably found whatever she was looking for.

- Stop it with the nonsense- she said sliding her hand towards her cheek, holding it- Should I be apologizing as well?

- What? No, why?

- Because I also made a lot of promises, I wanted to give you a lot of the things I didn’t have and I don’t think I managed to make it happen, not even half of what I had, ideally, planned

- You made everything and more happen, I don’t know exactly what you had planned but I feel like I had, have everything

She covered the hand holding her face with her own and placed her on her lap. She saw her smile widen and nod while she tried once more to take a deep breath. She tried not to worry, and in that silence, asked for the breeze to be kind, for her lungs to be strong, for that moment to last forever.

She remembered the first time she was there, her first encounter with the sea, the improbable way a series of events had ended placing her in front of that watery mass she’d been dreaming of since always, she remembered that instant, while the beauty of nature flowed all around her she had sworn to share with her that moment, because the pictures she’d take back wouldn’t ever be enough, because the sea shells and the sand were too little when you offer them in the middle of a gray city. She remembered how over and over again throughout her life she thought “this is it, it’s happening now”, and how over and over again those dreams drowned in the heavy atmosphere of reality, where instability was the only constant and she saw years go by, still depending on her, adding promises and hopes, beautiful words that couldn’t find a way to turn into actions that placed her closer to an improvement in both their lives.

She remembered how she never demanded anything, how with everlasting tenderness and patience only asked her to keep trying, to keep going, to keep searching for her happiness, and how she’d just nodded with a smile when she was around, and cried her shame when distance gave them enough space between them not to be hurtful. She felt every new year of life as a reminder of her defeat, of her impossibility to achieve any sort of tangible or mental calmness, she started to see her hair go gray, her face wrinkle and her youth vanish with every new breath. She thought that maybe the best thing was to make peace with her misery, recognize the failed nature of her life and bury any shred of hope that her stubborn heart intended to host, but there she was, on her corner, as always, asking her just one thing: to not stop trying. And with what she felt was the last of her spirit she gave her a smile and promised to do so, because that was the only thing she wouldn’t allow herself to do, ignore her.

She felt the sweet kiss of good fortune on her lips, she tasted the sweetness of a success she had chased since the awakening of her consciousness, and the world started to open up to her, making her forget all of her fears and doubts, giving her a place in the middle of everything. She cried with a joy she hadn’t known in many decades, with an utter purity that’s usually reserved for childhood and that turns so confusing and yet so glorious in adulthood. She cried because she knew herself happy, she cried because finally she could support her words in the facts she had been yearning since she had become aware of the unfairness of life. She cried and ran to find her, to give her the good news, to tell her that finally, everything was gonna be alright. And in that outburst of endless bliss, of renewed hope, she bought those two tickets, without any questions or hesitations, only this was urgent, to give her, finally, the sea.

- You want to go to the hotel now, mom?- she asked resting her head on her shoulder

- When the sunset is over, I wanna welcome the night here

- Okay, but- she said while taking out a big orange shawl from her bag, the color of the sky itself, and placed it over her mother’s shoulders- Better have this on before it gets too windy

- Oh la la, so fancy- she said smiling and batting her eyelashes, feeling the fabric on her fingertips- It’s really pretty, you shouldn’t have

She stretched her hand and put it over her lips, she was no expert yet but she was close, she still needed to look and check to be sure, but it was clear that she was her mother’s daughter

- Stop it with the nonsense

The chorus of their laughter got tangled with the sea’s breeze, a mix of euphoria, love, salt and accomplished dreams that slid like a little coppery thread that helped to finish the painting of the sunset in the horizon.