a window in time

The floor is burned, The window is long gone.

And now my mind wonders, where did I go wrong?

It’s been a while, maybe way too long. 

But right now? This place seems like a sad song.

It’s burned to crisp like me, myself and I.

It’s Ironic isn’t it? How time flies by. 

Seven years of tragedy and despair.

But where did you go when you went away?

I didn’t see you again. 

At least not for a while.

During the night it’s a different song.

Where you’d plague me till the end of time.

Where there was supposed to be downtime.

Reminding me how I failed to be what I wanted.

A hero.

The monster who I once slayed,

Is the one I slowly became.

It’s now in my soul,

And the memories we once made are slowly forming into a black hole.

It’s not your mind,

It’s not your voice,

It’s not your smile that I miss the most.

It’s you and only you. 

Not like I remember but that shouldn't matter.

I want you here, but you’ve gone away.

Where did you go when you faded away?

-

Jesse’s hand went over the wooden window sill for one last time. She had expected it to crumble with only the lightest brush of her fingers after it had been up since as long as she could remember. 

She heard Tilu approaching her from behind and felt his hand laying on her good shoulder. His voice wasn’t as loud as her mind twisted it to be.

“ Are you ready to go Jesse? They’re asking for you to make an appearance again. “ He tried to smile a little and moved to stand next to the girl, who was nearly half his size mind you.

“Yeah.. Was just- I was just-” She stumbled on her words and tried to ignore the big blockage growing in her throat while she talked. Her eyes watered up and she felt herself starting to cry.

Don’t cry, don’t cry don’t cry don’t cry-

And she started to cry.

Whether it was exhaustion, being an emotional mess or both she just couldn't contain the tears that filled her eyes. Tilu stepped forward and took the sixteen year old in his arms to provide warmth and comfort as she cried her eyes out. There was a soft hand on her back that rubbed circles in a comforting way.

“You’re okay kid. You’re doing just fine..” His voice was softer than she remembered. Not  having seen Tilu since she was younger (which had only been 3 years at most mind you) had mismatched her memories of him. She remembered how sweet he was, helped her learn french, exposed her to other cultures and how he and her brother were “more than best pals”!

Her brother was gay.

He was totally gay.

-

It had just been after the most dangerous event of her life. 

Her friends, (She refused to call anyone family after Lovis' death. Not again will she lose family.) hadn’t known about her sneaking out until the morning. As she sat on her towering black mare and rode for the last 6 hours her phone rang with calls from Olivia that she decided to ignore for now. Having been smart enough to leave a note they probably could figure out she was safe.

She put her phone on silent and went on to ride until she saw Tilu’s cottage along the seashore. He was already waiting on the porch with two glasses of water and his famous jar of cookies that she may or may not have raided as a kid. 

“Jesse! The famous hero finally decided to join me on this lovely day!” He called out and she couldn’t help but smile while she leaped from her saddle. After taking the mare's halter and letting her run loose for a bit, she decided to sit on the chair next to Tilu who had all the papers on his table.

She had asked him to create a legal will seeing as how he counterfeited papers and his friend would make them legal at his office.

“Yeah yeah budge off Tilu. You know I hate the glory that comes with this.”  She rolled her eyes and took one of the glasses, took a sip and seemed to enjoy the taste of the sour lemon juice.

“Alright, Alright let's start this so you can sleep in a while. You rode 8 hours into the night and I don’t want you crashing on me on the boat. “ He complained. “Your name?”

“Jesse Taeber. “ She answered, which led Tilu to roll his eyes for the second time.

“ Answer it correctly kid. I need your full name.” He always got serious when he mentioned ‘kid.

“Jesseiah Theseus Taeber.” 

“Thanks kid. I’ll write down that you use Jesse rather than Jesseiah.” He shot a smile as his hands went across the paper. His pen (or rather quill) was stiff and old, sometimes scratching on the sleek paper. “Known members of family?: 

“Tilu..” Her voice let out another crack as she tried to search in her mind for the last remaining alive family member..

“I’ll write: Lovis Taeber (Deceased). Sorry kid.. Reason for writing your will at 15?” He looked down at his paper and wrote again with the horrible scratching noise.

“ Oh just the fact that I keep having to save the world and oh I tend to get injured A LOT. “ The last part was spoken bitterly as she fiddled with the key around her neck. After the whole storm she had decided which belongs go to who but only now had the chance to travel to Tilu.

“That’s very enough. Do you have an idea of what goes to who?” He didn’t look up from his paper and Jesse took a deep sigh.

 “I do… The key goes to..”

-

The window is broken, the frame is gone. 

I’m still standing here, wondering.. Where did we go wrong?

There’s fire and it’s burning bright.

I don’t want to live but I also don’t want to die.

Life is tragic and hard,

And now I’m standing here alone, In a graveyard.

-

The window never got repaired. Lovis had long come back to life but this tragedy is still upstanding. She figured if she tore it down maybe the horrible memories would fade.

You still have the scars. You’ll never forget it. You pathetic girl.

And so she took the axe from her belt. 

Her hands thightend on the grib, she threw her shoulder back and flung the blade as hard as she could into the wooden window frame.

The second it broke under the pressure, she knew it would maybe end.

 (Maybe not, but why should she care?)