Hazy Memories and Cold Streams

Everyone has moments in their lives where things change. For Elijah, a lot of those changes happened in summer. Maybe it was because his birthday fell at the end of August. Maybe it was because he’d never been a big fan of summer. Probably, it was just a coincidence. 

The summer he turned ten had been one such change—a turning point, really. At nine, he’d seen himself as more mature than the other kids his age, but really he was just shy and content with spending time alone. He liked to read and paint. He didn’t like talking to other kids. Other kids scared him, making him feel like he couldn’t breathe or like he was going to be sick. 

That was for the best, though. When he was shipped off to stay with his mom’s sister and her family that summer he wasn’t bored or upset. Sure, he didn’t understand what it meant when his parents said they needed time to ‘figure things out’ but he wasn’t overly concerned. Just the normal amount of concerned. 

Aunt Jane lived in a rural town nestled in a small valley. It was idyllic, really, with a stream running through the town, small hills covered in soft grass, and trees that reached up into the sky. Any other kid might have been bored, but Elijah liked being alone. He didn’t mind being trapped inside for all of June as the skies opened up and drenched the landscape. 

Elijah enjoyed June, playing with his one-year-old cousin and reading the many books he’d brought with him. Even when the rain stopped, he was more than happy to stay inside or, possibly, read in the front yard, but Aunt Jane wasn’t having it.

“Eli, you need to get some fresh air,” she told him. “And not just in the yard. Go have some fun.”

“Okay,” Elijah said with a sigh, knowing he wasn’t going to win against his aunt. “I’ll be home before dinner.”

“Good. Don’t do anything stupid and don’t talk to strangers.” She paused for a second before continuing, not giving him a chance to respond. “Have fun, okay? There are some kids around here, so why don’t you play with them?”

“Okay, Aunt Jane, I understand.”

And that was how he ended up sitting on a grassy hill, reading his book.

The hill sloped downward towards a small stream whose glistening water was beautiful enough to be the topic of a poem. Elijah wasn’t an outdoor kid, but even he could enjoy the light breeze that rustled the leaves of nearby trees and pulled at his brown, wavy hair.

The quiet was broken by a wordless shout of joy as someone came sprinting down the hill. They lost their footing and tumbled the rest of the way, stopping with a splash in the stream. 

“Yuki, what are you doing?” Someone else shouted, also coming down the hill fast, her run was much more controlled. She was able to stop before falling into the water, putting her hands on her hips as she looked at the boy now sitting in the stream. “What’ll your mom say?”

The boy laughed, reaching out and pulling the girl into the stream as she screeched. Still, though, the boy laughed, saying something in a language Elijah didn’t recognize.

“You’re the worst,” the girl responded, getting out of the stream. Only then did she notice Elijah, who was just watching the two of them with a mixture of confusion and awe. “Oh! I don’t think I know you.” 

Elijah shook his head. “I’m staying with my aunt for the summer.” 

“I’m Samantha,” she said. “This is my cousin, Yukio.” 

“Hello,” Yukio said. He had an accent, though Elijah wasn’t sure from where. “I’m Yukio.”

“I just said that,” Samantha told him. “He’s also here for the summer. He’s from Japan, but he moved here for his dad’s work. He and his mom are staying with us for the summer.” 

“Want to play?” Yukio asked, smiling widely at Elijah.

Elijah was surprised by the question. Surely, these cousins should have realized he wasn’t a very fun person to spend time with. Surely, like everyone at school, they’d realize he was boring and not worth their time. 

“Really?”

Yukio laughed again, the sound loud and off-key in a way Elijah didn’t know a laugh could be. 

“Really.”

Yukio, it turned out, was the same grade as Elijah—5th grade—but was a year older because he hadn’t been able to finish the school year in Japan. According to Samantha, Yukio hadn’t studied much English before moving to the US, so he probably would’ve been held back anyway. 

Despite what she said, Yukio didn’t have any trouble communicating with Elijah. When he didn’t have the words to say what he wanted, they never had any issues. Even when Samantha left for a two-week summer camp at the end of August, they didn’t have any issues. Instead, the time alone only strengthened their friendship. 

Elijah wasn’t an athletic kid, but he ended up running around town, usually dragged behind Yukio. For his part, Yukio never seemed to stop, his body always buzzing with energy.

The second day Samantha was away, Elijah found himself climbing a tree, something he’d never done before. Not only was he not athletic, but he’d also grown up in a city with no trees to climb. 

“Slow down,” He shouted, but Yukio only laughed. 

“Faster!”

“It’s dangerous!”

Yukio replied in Japanese, not caring to try to speak English. Yukio never seemed bothered by the fact that Elijah couldn’t understand him, always choosing to use Japanese instead of trying to remember the English he’d forgotten. 

Elijah fell behind Yukio, barely able to see him anymore. He thought about giving up, but the desire for Yukio to like him overpowered that and he kept going. His arms were burning by the time he reached Yukio, who was standing on a branch with his head peeking out through the leaves.

“Yukio, that’s dangerous,” Elijah reiterated. 

“Look.” 

Elijah wasn’t sure he had it in him to stand, as exhausted as he was scared. 

“Elijah,” Yukio said, insistent. Elijah liked the way his name sounded when Yukio said it. It had more force behind it than anyone he knew before. Like every time he said it, he was using more air than with any other word. “Look.”

Elijah sighed and forced himself to stand. He was shorter than Yukio, but he could still see over the leaves and look out onto the countryside around them. He felt sick with fear for only a moment before the landscape in front of him took over. 

“Whoa.” Elijah couldn’t believe the view. From here he could see the entire town, from the small stream Yukio loved to play in to the edge of the valley the town sat in. 

“Trees…” Yukio paused, obviously not able to make the sentence he wanted to. 

“I’ll learn Japanese,” Elijah promised. “For next time.”

“Next time…” Yukio looked down at Elijah. “Next summer?”

“I hope so, but I don’t know. I have to ask my parents. But if they say yes, I’ll be here.”

“Okay.” Yukio smiled, looking like this was the best news he’d ever heard. “Next summer.” 

“I’ll be taller than you, then,” Elijah promised. 

“Hmm… taller… I don’t think so.” 

“You’ll see,” Elijah told him.

They stayed in the tree for a while, quietly looking at the view. Even Yukio was quiet, his usually unstoppable energy calmed. They still had more summer left and yet Elijah could feel it coming to a close nonetheless. But, there was always next summer.

There wasn’t a next summer. 

When Elijah returned home, his parents sat him down to explain that they were getting a divorce. He’d live with his mom during the school year and his dad during the summer, with holidays being shared throughout the year. He asked about going to his aunt’s house but was told it was out of the question.

And life, as it does, continued. He got older. He started painting more. He started studying Japanese, feeling out of place as his classmates talked about liking anime or wanting to visit Japan. He didn’t know how to explain that he was learning Japanese to chase a memory despite knowing he’d probably never see Yukio again. He didn’t know if he’d be able to visit his aunt in the summer, let alone see Yukio again. 

But the summer he was 16—soon he’d be 17—his dad left for a honeymoon in June and, using that as leverage, he got permission to spend the summer with his aunt.  

It was only when Elijah arrived in town that he realized how stupid he’d been not to ask his aunt about Yukio. 

In his defense, the older he got, the more that summer felt like a hazy dream. It didn’t seem real and he was a little scared he’d find out he’d been dreaming the whole time.

“You’re sure this is their house?” Elijah asked again, anxious about going to the wrong house. 

“Yes, I’m sure, The Ogata family has lived there for years,” Aunt Jane answered. “And I’m pretty sure that cousin you asked about visits most summers, so he’s probably there.” 

“Okay, I’ll be back,” Elijah said, hiking his tote bag onto his shoulder and heading into the June heat.

By the time he arrived at the Ogata house—pushing open the fence gate and entering the yard—Elijah was sweating bullets. He’d been hoping to be more put together for Yukio, but that obviously wasn’t going to happen.

“Hello,” someone said, scaring Elijah enough that he jumped. “Oh sorry.”

The person who’d spoken had been hidden by the house’s fence. It looked like he was weeding the garden, his floral gardening gloves and old jeans covered in dirt. His shirt was tied around his head as a makeshift sweatband, his bare chest making Elijah blush. 

“Ah, hello,” he responded, looking away. “Sorry to bother you. Is this the Ogata’s house?”

“It is,” he responded, tilting his head to the side. “Do I know you?” 

“Umm…” Elijah forced himself to look at the young man and, after a moment of hesitation, he made a guess. “Yukio?” 

“Yes,” Yukio replied, smiling widely. “Wait, wait, wait, I know you… I met you my first summer here.”

“Oh, yeah, you remember.”

“Of course, I remember, it was fun.” Yukio screwed up his face, obviously trying to remember something. “Don’t tell me your name, I’ll remember. Just give me a second.”

Elijah wasn’t sure what to say, so he took the time to properly look at Yukio. He didn’t look that much different than he had at ten. Puberty had taken away the last of his baby fat and his jaw was more defined. His straight, black hair was long and held back in a ponytail and it looked like he hadn’t shaved in a few days. He looked older, like an adult, and it made Elijah a little self-conscious. Even though he’d grown and lost his own baby fat, he still felt like he looked too young.

“Elijah,” Yukio shouted, scaring Elijah again. “You’re Elijah!” 

Yukio didn’t have an accent anymore, but when he said Elijah’s name, it sounded so much like it had eight years earlier. A light accent and more force than anyone else used to say his name. Like a command for Elijah to exist. 

“Yep, you got it,” Elijah laughed. “You haven’t changed that much. Oh, that reminds me.”

Elijah took a deep breath, begging his mind not to get anxious and forget the years of Japanese he’d studied just for this moment. 

“Long time, no see.”

“Ah, you studied.”

“I told you I would. I had to keep my promise.”

“You also promised you’d come back.”

“Yeah,” Elijah frowned, dropping back into English. “I wanted to, but I couldn’t.”

“Couldn’t?”

“My parents got divorced.” Elijah smiled, wishing it still didn’t hurt to say. “It’s a long story, but I couldn’t come back.” 

“I’m sorry.” Yukio looked at him for a moment before, finally, standing up. “Well, you’re back now.”

“Yep, I’m back.” Yukio straightened out and Elijah couldn’t believe what he was seeing. “How are you taller than me?” 

Yukio laughed. “Another broken promise, hmm?”

“Shut up,” Elijah said, but he couldn't keep himself from laughing. “I could keep growing.”

“Sure you can.” Yukio’s smile still lit up his entire face. “So, what should we do?”

It was harder to find things to do as teenagers than it had been as children. In theory, they had more freedom, but the need to appear as adults kept them from the carefree fun of children.

At least, that’s what Elijah thought until he found himself running—and then tumbling—down a hill and into a cold stream.

“It’s freezing,” he shouted as Yukio splashed into the water next to him.

“It’s refreshing,” Yukio laughed. 

“Refreshing my ass,” Elijah grumbled, standing and shaking some of the water off of his clothes. 

“Hey, Elijah.”

“What?” Elijah turned to look at Yukio, only for Yukio to grab him and pull him back into the stream. “Hey!” 

Yukio laughed and laughed. Even when Elijah splashed him, he kept laughing. Elijah wanted to be angry with him, but all he could think was that Yukio had an amazing laugh. It was happy and bright. Light, but full. It was infectious and, eventually, Elijah joined in.

It didn’t take long for Yukio to drag Elijah to the woods. 

“How old do you think we are?”

“Old enough to climb a taller tree than we did as kids.”

“I’d say we’re too old to climb trees.”

“You’re never too old,” Yukio retorted, pulling himself into the tree. “Bet I can still beat you.” 

Elijah groaned and began to pull himself up onto the lowest branch, only for Yukio to start climbing immediately. 

“That’s cheating!” 

“You’re too slow!” 

Elijah still wasn’t an athletic person, but he was stronger now. Something in his blood surged and he began to climb, catching up to and then surpassing Yukio. When his head broke the tree top, he let out a joyous scream. 

“I win!” 

When Yukio joined him, he was panting and red. 

“Have you been practicing?”

“Nope, I’m just better than you.” Elijah stuck his tongue out. “Maybe it’s because I’m shorter. Less weight to move.”

“If that makes you feel better…”

“You’re the worst,” Elijah laughed. “Is that the kind of thing you were saying in Japanese when we were kids?” 

“Sometimes.” Yukio fell quiet, his energy stilled as he looked at the valley. “I remember something I wanted to say. I wanted to tell you trees have the best views.” 

Elijah watched Yukio’s face, wondering why he looked so sad all of a sudden. 

“Yukio?”

“I didn’t want to come to America back then,” Yukio told him, his voice low. “I was trying to pretend I was happy, but I didn’t want to leave Japan.” Yukio turned to look at Elijah, his eyes shining as a small smile slipped onto his lips. “But the time I spent with you made me less sad. I still missed home, but I wasn’t scared anymore. I thought that I might be okay in America.” 

“I did that?” Elijah asked, not understanding what he’d done to make Yukio feel welcome or safe.

“You did. After Samantha went to summer camp, I thought I’d be alone, but you were still there. You played with me and you never treated me like I was weird or annoying. I was really, really happy.” Yukio frowned again. “I was so sad you didn’t come back.”

“I’m sorry,” Elijah said. “I really wanted to come back. I begged my Dad to let me come for at least part of the summer, but he said no.”

“I know it’s not your fault.”

“I really loved playing with you, too.” Elijah’s mouth was dry. “I didn’t have friends then, but you were so quick to accept me. And… and…” He didn’t know how to explain without sounding strange. “I liked the way you said my name. The way you say my name.”

“Elijah?”

“Yeah.” Elijah nodded, swallowing in the hopes that it would cure his dry mouth. “Like that.” 

They were both quiet, the atmosphere tense, but not in a bad way. Elijah didn’t completely understand how something could be tense in a good way, but he knew it was possible. 

“Elijah,” Yukio finally said, breaking the silence but not the tension. “Can I kiss you?”

For a moment, Elijah couldn’t breathe. He felt like he was deep underwater, but also like he was floating. Until Yukio said it, he didn’t realize that he’d been wanting to ask the same thing for days. Maybe even since he saw Yukio again, shirtless and looking so handsome.

“Yeah.”

Yukio leaned in and Elijah tried to meet him in the middle. He knew enough to tilt his head, keeping them from bumping noses, but they came in too fast, their teeth clinking together. Elijah giggled and Yukio smirked before trying again. This time, their lips met without incident and, in Elijah’s inexpert opinion, it was the greatest kiss to ever happen.

Something changed when they climbed down that tree. There was the obvious change, but Elijah felt like there was something more. 

Like a change in the direction of the wind that told you winter was coming or the way a cloud could bring relief on a hot day. 

Maybe it was because the future that had once felt blurry and frightening suddenly seemed to be laid out in front of Elijah, clear as day. Maybe it was the warmth of Yukio’s hand in his. Maybe it was how even when whispered, the way Yukio said his name was enchanting.

Years later, he’d call this the summer he became an adult. At 16, though, he called it the summer he fell in love.