Lif

“I thank God I’m alive…”                                  

I am not that big a fan of Frank Sinatra but this song and these lyrics make my eyes brim with tears. I swig the drink in my hand trying not to shame myself in public and ask Rosa for another round.

“You okay buddy?” she asks while handing me over my drink.

“Just one of those days, you know how businessmen’s lives are –a rollercoaster ride. One moment you are happy and the other you are worried sick.” I blame it all on my livelihood.

My business, however, is going great. It’s at its peak at the moment. But there is some truth in that statement, I am worried and sick. The reports from the hospital came this morning and the doctor told me that I have a brain tumor and there is nothing that can be done. It’s spreading and conquering most of the land of my brain, which means I’ll be dead anytime soon.

I can’t drag my daughter and my wife into it. They already do a lot for me and because of me. I live in New York because of work and my family lives in Florida, Katherine takes care of our family matters and also my daughter like her own child. Sometimes I feel like she loves her more than I do and they know each other better than I know my daughter. But maybe that’s only because I spend most of the time here and they live under one roof.

I know for a fact that if I tell my family about this they will tell me to fight it and it will drain all the money I have saved up for them and especially Amy, my nine-year-old princess. Before she was born, her mother and I planned that our kids will have enough money to complete their studies without going through all that toil of working at low salaries and studying at the same time like we both did- crawled our way up. 

I have no clue what should I do. I don’t want to give up either because I want to enjoy my life with them. But I guess it’s not in my cards.

“Cards!” I say it out loud and the guy sitting next to me gives me a sidelong look.

It just hit me that all those years ago in college we pranked this tarot card reader who claimed to do things that were beyond science and human intelligence. Maybe she or someone like her could get me rid of this blob in my head.

I wave at Rosa and she comes to my side of the bar.

“Ready for another round already, Raymond?” she says with a wink.

I nod and shoot her with a question she wouldn’t expect from any drunken guy sitting here. “Is there any tarot card reader around here?”

She squints her eyes and pauses for a moment to judge whether it’s me talking or all the shots I have downed inside of me.

“I need to talk to one, trust me I’m in my right mind and I will tell you everything when I figure things out,” I try to make her believe that I need this. And I do, what if they can actually do what they claim they can do.

“There is one down the road, near that old book store; it’s a small blue door with a neon red light tag saying ‘lif’. I bet it is open now. But you can go in the morning when you are sober.” She gives me a map that has a treasure to save my life.

The sign is actually ‘Life’ but the light of the E is not working. I think this place will give me exactly what I am looking for- life!

I walk inside the small door through a passageway that is lighted by red lights, it is kind of scary, but I make my way through it and am welcomed by beaded curtains. I push them aside and look around the small room. It is covered with weird things- jars filled with stones and seeds and some things I don’t know the names to; in the middle, there is a wooden table with candles and the chair behind it is empty; it’s exactly what I expected this place to look like but I also expected someone to be here.

“Hello? Is anybody here?” I ask but I get no response.

I turn around and look at the way out of here, I don’t know whether I should wait or come back later. I decide that I will wait for five more minutes and if someone comes, well and good, if not then I will come back later.

I hear a creek from behind me and I turn around. Out of nowhere the chair which was empty before is now occupied by a lady. She is wearing a white gown and her blonde hair is tied in a neat bun, nothing witchy about her.

“Looking for something?” she asks.

“Looking for a solution,” I answer her taking the seat in front of her.

The place is small and I feel like I am claustrophobic for the very first time, but I stay anyway if it will help me get rid of this misery. However, I quickly explain to her my problem and my desire to live a life free of any tumor and fear of dying.

“So you came here expecting to extend your life?” she asks after listening to me carefully.

“Yes, that is pretty much what I was expecting. And I can give you whatever amount you ask for it in return.” I reply.

She thinks for a while and then responds to my request,” I would love to help you if I could, but it is beyond my power to do what you are asking of me.” She crushes my hope with her answer.

“I just want to see my daughter and my wife happy. And I think staying with them here is the only way I can assure they are happy,” I try to put my fears in words she would understand.

She nods her head sideways and I get my answer. I don’t know what I was thinking when I was coming here. These witches don’t have medical degrees better than the doctors and they are definitely not special agents of God. I get up and turn around to get out of this closet full of crap.

“Wait, Raymond,” she says when I’m making my way through the fancy curtains which defile the very purpose of curtains anyway. I am shocked by the fact that she knows my name when I never told her.

“How do you--?” I try to ask her when I turn but I stop when I see her holding a glass ball in her hand which is glowing. I wonder how she does things with lightning speed.

I make my way back to the old wooden chair I was sitting on before, and wait for her to tell me what is happening.

“It is not in my hands to get you what you were thinking you could get but I can help you see what your kid’s and wife’s life would be like, and it will depend on what choices you make now,” she tells me fully concentrating on the crystal ball in front of her.

I feel disappointed by what she just suggested, but if there is no other way to get myself fixed; the least I can do is make sure that my family is happy even when I leave. I kind of feel proud of myself, the first time I got those weird headaches a few months ago I planned that I should get Katherine and Amy financial security. And after I received the call from the doctor this morning I called my lawyer first and made my will. All my assets will be owned by my daughter and my wife. I made everything easy for them.

I smile at my good planning skills and ask her, “What exactly are you suggesting?”

“I can give you 6 hours of visit to the future, where you can see your family and satisfy your curiosity.” I smile at her solution this time.

“However,” she makes my smile disappear.

“You cannot talk to any one of them and alter the future. Make sure you don’t do anything that will sabotage the balance of the universe,” she tells me now making eye contact which scares me even more.

“So what you are trying to say is that I can’t talk to them? At all?”

“That is exactly what I am saying, and also you can’t let them know that it is you.”

It is not everything I wanted out of this visit but at least it is something so I nod in agreement and ask her to tell me what to do next.

She tells me to hold her hands and repeat whatever she says. I follow her instructions and recite gibberish.

***

I am in a restaurant, I look around and there is I bar in the right corner. And I immediately recognize the place. It’s ‘Billy’s’. The place where I used to spend most of the time eating and drinking while I was not working.

I see an older version of Rosa standing behind the bar and I quickly hide my face with the magazine sitting in front of me at the table. The tarot card reader told me I can’t let anyone know that I am here. I cover my face and for a while I think what am I doing here, wasting time. My family is in Florida and that is where I need to be. I look at the clock and it is noon. I check my pockets and I find no cash to travel home. I do find an old hourglass; the sand in it keeps flowing down even when I move it upside down.

I think of a way to get out of here without letting Rosa see me.

“Your order sir?” a waitress comes and asks me.

“Just water for now,” I answer her without removing the shield from my face.

She goes back and I continue thinking about what to do next. After a while, she comes with water and places it down on the table.

“Let me know when you are ready to order sir.” She leaves right after saying that.

The voice of that waitress sounded familiar to me. I slightly move my magazine and see if she is someone I know. But I couldn’t tell, she’s facing towards the other side of the bar.

Time is running and I have no clue what to do. Meanwhile, a guy comes and tells me to move to the next table because they have some reservations for this table. I take that as my queue to get out of here.

I get ready to get up but before I do something catches my eye. It’s a cake reading ‘Happy Birthday Amy’. And the world stops spinning, I struggle to breathe. I put two and two together and realize that the waitress was Amy and this is why I am here at this place.

I quickly move to the next table and wait there, to get a glimpse of my little girl. While thinking why is she here. She should be studying at a college as I planned.

The music in the background stops and the birthday song begins to play, everybody sings along with it and I peep a little from where I am sitting, Amy is cutting her birthday cake and Rosa is standing right next to her. After she blows the candles and cut the cake Rosa hands her an envelope and whispers something into her ear.

My princess starts crying. She hugs Rosa and then looks around, after collecting her thoughts, she speaks, “Thank you so much for chipping in and making this happen. I left my dream of studying at NYU after my father left. My life with his wife was so miserable that I came to New York for a better future, and Rosa here helped me a lot since then.

I don’t have a family or money but I have you guys, you showed me that sometimes water is thicker than blood. And I am happy that what my parents didn’t do for me, you guys did.” With that, she hugs Rosa again and begins to cry.

Her words were like swords piercing my soul. How did she even end up here, where did all that money go? How did Katherine let her be a waitress? How is she not studying as we planned for her?

I have so many questions and I need answers but the problem is that I can’t ask people to give them to me. My vision gets blurry and tears roll down my cheeks. The walls of this place are closing in on me and it is getting hard to breathe.

I open the door and run out of that place. I sit down on the bench across the road from Billy’s. I sit there to plan what to do next. But the problem is I am useless, I can’t talk to anyone. I can only watch what’s happening but I can’t change anything around here. It is like I am watching a movie- the one that makes your heart do sky diving and makes your eyes burn with tears.

I wait and I think.

I think.

I look around.

Nothing I can do.

I get up and start walking. I walk around the block. I look at the people who are going about their regular business without knowing that my world is collapsing. I keep walking and I walk for hours around the same place.

I end up from where I started and I sit at the bench where I was sitting before. Nothing changed around here, the guy sitting near the street light is still sitting there, but the lights in the Billy’s are now switched on, giving me a better look at the place.

After a while, I spot a black shiny car stop at the corner, a lady steps out of it wearing high heels and a shimmery black tulip gown; it looks like she is going on a charity show with celebrities. To my surprise, she walks towards Billy’s and by the way she is walking, I recognize it is Katherine. She walks inside and her I can sense from across this road that Amy is not happy with her presence.

Katherine has changed so much. She does not look like the lady I fell in love with. A while later she leaves the place and Amy is on her knees when I see her. Her shoulders are shaking and I can tell she is crying. Rosa steps forward and pulls her up.

Katherine walks back to her car and a guy steps out of the car, they both share a kiss and she steps back inside. The car drives away.

When Katherine leaves, I understand that she somehow kept all the money for herself, and as they show in the movies she is the evil stepmother. I feel so devastated and helpless. I am a mere spectator, I can’t do anything. And I can’t stand here and see my daughter cry like this.

I start pacing around on the curb. Holding the hourglass in my hand tightly. I am so angry about this situation. I didn’t want my daughter to remember me like this; a dad who left nothing for her but was so madly in love with a real-life arrogant bitch that he left nothing for her.

I want to scream and tell the world that this is not what I wanted, this is not what I planned for my daughter and I am not a bad father. Also, I desperately want someone to punish that evil lady for ruining my daughter’s life. In anger and devastation, I throw the hourglass on the road and it shatters like my plans.

I am back on the old wooden chair, my eyes still wet from the tears I shed. But now I am not at all proud of the decisions I made earlier for my daughter. I frown at my stupidity.

I couldn’t do anything in the future world. But I can fix my mistakes now so that in the future I will be remembered as the best dad a daughter could ever have.

I know exactly what I will do next.